MAY 29, 7:52 P.M.: A leisurely boyfriend/girlfriend stroll in the 700 block of Bentley Street this evening turned into a brutal bully-fest.

The victim, 37, and his gal pal, 26, were walking the block when four strangers between the ages of 18 and 26 came charging toward them — full speed — on bicycles.

They slid to a stop and one told the beau that "he owed him $5 and to give him the money," police reports state. Nonsense, our victim told the posse of cyclists. Wrong answer.

A flurry of fists and feet forcefully greeted the man as he lay on the ground, but the malevolence doesn't stop here. After tenderizing our victim's flesh, the bicycle gang stole a pack of cancer sticks, a Florida driver's license and a $5 pocketknife.

They pedaled off near Parramore Avenue while the beaten boyfriend and his lady got back up and continued their stroll toward Lake Dot until "he collapsed from the pain," reports add. He was rushed to a Florida Hospital for radiography.

As for identification of the criminal clique, the woman told officers "she only knows the suspects because she has bought ‘dope' from them before," police reports state. Honesty is the best policy.

MAY 31, 2:44 P.M.: A 25-year-old man was waiting for the No. 15 LYNX bus at a stop on Curry Ford Road near Semoran Boulevard this Thursday afternoon when he spotted Officer Kamphaus and shared the following bone-chilling tale:

It was one month ago, approximately, when the young man stood at the very same stop. A newer-model Mercury Grand Marquis — champagne or grayish in hue — pulled up near the bus bench. Behind the wheel: a gray-haired man between the age of 50 and 70 years of age, sporting a bull's-eye bald spot on top of his melon. He signaled for the bus rider to come over, whereupon the frequent LYNX passenger "observed the driver masturbating his exposed penis," police reports state.

Thank heavens the No. 15 bus pulled up just then, as our traumatized man sped off to catch his ride with no time to report the incident, reports add.

Today, he told Kamphaus the vehicle still visits the area from time to time. So be on the lookout for this local meat beater, who begins his journey at a bus stop in front of a Kmart parking lot near Pollo Tropical and ends at the north end of the plaza, according to police reports.

JUNE 1, 5:52 P.M.: A man, 20, relaxed at his apartment in the 7300 block of Westpointe Boulevard when the sound of knock-knocking filled the room. A visitor.

Who was the visitor? A shirtless squirt, approximately 10 years old, with a blonde buzz-cut hairdo. The tyke pushed his way inside the residence and began to ask a series of questions that would lead one to believe he had criminal intentions, such as: "Do you have a guitar? How many people live here? Can I walk around the house?"

Nosy little bastard.

Our resident replied to the last question with a big "no," reports state, and an argument ensued. He didn't hesitate in telling the little snot-face to skedaddle, but before leaving the juvie reassured the resident that "he would be coming back on Monday with a ‘couple more guys' to take a look around the house," police reports add, and then he ran out the front door.

If he does make a comeback, let's at least hope the puny punk has the decency to wear a T-shirt.

JUNE 4, 12:38 A.M.: A 20-year old woman and her 30-year-old guy friend were stepping out of a white Chevrolet Lumina into the black night air in the 4300 block of Medallion Drive when a suspicious duo neared. The twosome included a dude in a baseball cap and a rather coordinated female, wearing a white hat, white tank top and black shorts. What sets this dangerous dame apart from most other female filchers, however, were her gold fangs.

Vampirella whipped out a chrome gun and stuck it in the lady's face, demanding that she hand over her handbag. The victim fell to the ground and gave the suspect her belongings "because she did not want to get hurt" or bitten on the neck.

The blood-sucker took $50 in cash, two earrings, a belt, a Sprint cell phone and its charger, along with purse itself. Meanwhile, the vamp's partner extracted an undetermined amount of dough and a set of keys from the male victim.

Reports add the woman "did not know what the male did to her friend … because she was too focused on the female with the gun pointed to her." The perps sped off in a gold Buick Regal with tinted windows before daylight turned them into ashes.

[email protected]


Since 1990, Orlando Weekly has served as the free, independent voice of Orlando, and we want to keep it that way.

Becoming an Orlando Weekly Supporter for as little as $5 a month allows us to continue offering readers access to our coverage of local news, food, nightlife, events, and culture with no paywalls.

Join today because you love us, too.

Scroll to read more Orlando Area News articles

Join Orlando Weekly Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.