Fentanyl was found in candy boxes at LAX, it's still not going to get to your kids this Halloween


Another Halloween, another round of suspicious panic around candy actually being drugs.

After rainbow fentanyl failed to adequately frighten parents and Republican voters ahead of election season, a report comes out of Los Angeles International Airport claiming that 12,000 fentanyl pills were found in candy boxes passing through security.

Cops with the LASD claim that the suspect was carrying fentanyl pills in Sweet Tarts, Whoppers and Skittles boxes. This would-be drug trafficker apparently carried the drugs in a carry-on bag rather than checking his many hundreds of thousands of dollars in illegal drugs.

Even more suspiciously, the suspect managed to get away from security after his fentanyl was discovered. As we all know, the security lines at major international airports are a breeze to get back out of at a moment's notice and not winding hellscapes of rope and glass specifically designed to funnel human beings in one direction.


Even if this story didn't stink to high heaven, the purported drug trafficker didn't put hundreds of fent pills in a candy box to then hand them out for free to children. He put them in the boxes in an attempt to pass through security without his drugs being detected. It's highly unlikely the pills would stay in the box once he got where he hoped to go and even more unlikely that he  would distribute the drugs that he paid for to children for free.

At best, this is the world's dumbest trafficker getting caught. At worst, this is a fake story spread by police departments to stoke fear and justify their cancerous drain on municipal budgets. Either way, authorities were all too eager to get the news out to willing dupes in newsrooms across the country.

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