OPENING THIS WEEK
Kickboxer: Vengeance Hey, haven't we already had a movie this summer about some sort of Ultimate Punching champ who has to avenge a dead sibling? Yes, but that one was about chicks, silly! Now that there's a version where the leads are all dudes, 4chan can sleep good at night. In the role of the grizzled cornerman Is Jean-Claude Van Damme – which sure seems like a ticket to brain damage, because just try to figure out what that guy is trying to tell you. (NR)
The Light Between Oceans In the years following World War I, Michael Fassbender and his wife decide to claim an infant that washes up on the shore of the island where they live. Sounds like a fresh take on the Moses story, although in today's Hollywood, you just know the pitch meeting included the name Kal-El. (PG-13)
Also Playing Don't Breathe The team behind 2013's Evil Dead remake shows us what happens when a bunch of would-be thieves break into the home of a rich blind man. Apparently, it's worse than what happens when you steal from the guy who wrote Wait Until Dark. (R)
Equity Another financial thriller about skullduggery on Wall Street, but this time with the kicker that the major players are all women. Yay! Now we get to hate EVERYBODY! (R)
Floyd Norman: An Animated Life A documentary profile of the first black animator to be hired by Disney, who was finally let go 15 years ago but still goes to the studio every day to offer unpaid help and advice. Or as white people call it, tweeting. (NR)
Greater This religious sports biopic asks the question, "What sort of God would allow the second greatest walk-on player in college football history to die in a tragic accident at the age of 22?" Apparently, the same one who decides which movies aren't going to get booked into any theater with less than 100 screens. (PG-13)
Hands of Stone Robert DeNiro plays Ray Arcel, the boxing trainer who helped Roberto Duran prepare to face Sugar Ray Leonard in the ring. But only after Duran gave up on trying to figure out what Jean-Claude Van Damme was yelling at him. (R)
Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV "It is difficult to imagine anyone wanting to pay to sit through it," says the Hollywood Reporter. But isn't it great that movies can still exceed the human imagination? (PG-13)
Mechanic: Resurrection Sure, you and I might be sick to death of movies about a master criminal who's forced out of retirement to save the woman he loves. But Jason Statham needs Uber money, dammit! (R)
Southside With You On their first date together, Barack Obama and Michelle Robinson engage in all the usual activities: going to church, visiting a museum, forging a birth certificate. You know, the staples. Interestingly, we've already had a movie about Trump's first date with Melania: It was called Pretty Woman. (PG-13)
Tickled In this shocking documentary, we learn that the tickle-fetish subculture is plagued by online fraud. Which certainly changes my plans for the weekend, I can tell you. (R)
