(NOTE: With the writers' and actors' strikes ongoing, all streaming schedules remain subject to change. Also, the cast of The Witcher may become South Korean at any time.)
Premieres Wednesday:
At Home With the Furys — Retired British heavyweight champ Tyson Fury settles into a life of cozy domesticity in a reality series that gives fair warning of what we're going to have to settle for as the strikes wane on. Although I have to admit, I have a certain morbid curiosity over Flip This Dungeon With Andrew Tate. (Netflix)
Depp v. Heard — If you pored intently over the livestream of the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial, here's your chance to watch the highlights again — and pay for it this time! Courtroom footage is said to make up the lion's share of a three-part docuseries that promises an unbiased and impartial view of the proceedings. I guess "They're both irredeemable scumbags" is an easier conclusion to reach when pricey reenactors aren't getting in the way. (Netflix)
Miguel Wants to Fight — A rite of passage in any young boy's life is when he finally enjoys the privilege of getting his brains beaten out after school. OK, not for you or me or anyone else sane. But it's still the premise of this comedy in which a high-school junior yearns to become one of the cool kids by getting into his first scrap. And it had better be a quick fight, because I hear the security guards actually try to break these things up when the kids don't have guns. (Hulu)
Premieres Thursday:
Cold Case Files: DNA Speaks — The great Bill Kurtis brings us another true-crime show about long-dormant cases that get reopened — this one a spinoff with a specific focus on DNA evidence. If we're lucky, maybe we'll finally learn which awful family members are guilty of killing all those poor unvaccinated people. (Hulu)
Killing It Season 2 — Having explored the idea of wrestling snakes for a payday in Season 1, Craig and Julia now turn their attention to the slightly less exciting scheme of farming palmetto berries. And lest you think nothing could be less exciting than that, guest stars this season include Kyle Mooney. (Peacock)
A Life Too Short: The Isabella Nardoni Case — A seamy moment in British history gets uncovered as a mother tries to find out why her 5-year-old daughter fell to her death from an apartment window. Given everything else he's been up to recently, can we please find a way to blame this on Eric Clapton? (Netflix)
My Dad the Bounty Hunter — Season 2 finds Sean and Lisa relying on their mom to set things right after their dad is kidnapped by alien adversaries. Wouldn't it have been easier to just tell them he went out for smokes? (Netflix)
The Upshaws — New challenges face Mike Epps, Kim Fields and their kin in Part 4, with plot developments ranging from fresh professional opportunities to mental-health issues. I don't know if I'm ready to see Tootie wrestle with dissociative identity disorder, but if the other half is Blair Warner I guess it could have its moments. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday:
10 Days of a Bad Man — A Turkish private investigator considers some shady tactics in the second installment of a trilogy that began with last spring's 10 Days of a Good Man. Can't wait for the morally ambiguous franchise closer, 10 Days of a Man Who Seems Nice Enough But Is Still No Prize Winner, You Should Excuse Me for Saying. (Netflix)
Bad Things — Barbie's Hari Nef continues her moment with an LGBT horror flick in which an eerie hotel wreaks shocking changes on a quartet of female and nonbinary visitors. Other members of the cast include Gayle Rankin of G.L.O.W. and none other than Molly Ringwald. Listen, if The Shining had a lineup like that, I might have forgiven Kubrick for faking the moon landing. (Shudder)
Chris Fleming: Hell — The absurdist comic presents an hour of stand-up, sketches and songs that draw from his off-kilter worldview and gender-fluid physicality. Or, as it's called when you're 12, "frightening the other campers." (Peacock)
Harlan Coben's Shelter — The first in Coben's Mickey Bolitar series of YA mystery novels gets adapted into an eight-episode series that turns on the disappearance of a teenager from a New Jersey town. But if it takes you eight episodes to figure out why a kid would want to escape New Jersey, let's just say you and I went to different high schools. (Prime Video)
LEGO Disney Princess: The Castle Quest — The LEGO versions of Tiana, Moana, Snow White, Rapunzel and Ariel team up to combat an attempted takeover by Gaston in an all-new animated movie. Speaking of girl power, one of these days the entertainment industry is going to hit on the idea of LEGO Barbie, and then we're really going to wish we hadn't shitcanned the Sherman Antitrust Act. (Disney+)
Mask Girl — In a thriller series imported from (you guessed it!) South Korea, putting on a mask is all it takes for a lowly office worker to become a streaming sensation. Gosh, you'd almost think somebody was trying to make a subtle metaphor about the anonymity and interchangeability of talent. (Netflix)
The Monkey King — Filmmaker Stephen Chow (Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer) turns to animation to spin the tale of a superpowered monkey whose crusade against dragons is undermined by his over-inflated sense of self-importance. It's based on the legend of a real-life Buddhist monk who lived in the 7th century and went by the name of (checks notes) "Gene Simmons." (Netflix)
New Bandits (Cangaco Novo) — When a Brazilian bank clerk goes in search of his family history, he finds himself heir to a criminal enterprise — a discovery that threatens to compromise all his personal values. This is why you should stick to 23andMe, because the worst thing you can learn there is that you're part Irish. (Prime Video)
Snoopy Presents: One-of-a-Kind Marcie — Everybody's favorite gateway lesbian gets her very own special, in which we see how she remains an asset to her friends in the Peanuts gang while managing her naturally introverted tendencies. Excuse me, but that isn't introversion. That's a natural aversion to having some other kid's angry parent check your genitals before a track meet. (Apple TV+)
Premieres Tuesday:
Lighthouse — The days of honest-to-goodness talk shows are here again as Japanese singer-songwriter Gen Hoshino and comedian Masayasu Wakabayashi sit down to dish on everything that's going on in their lives and the world. Sure, you'll probably find it a little hard to relate, but what do you expect from a strike? David Susskind? (Netflix)
Untold: Swamp Kings — Urban Meyer, Tim Tebow and other Gators revisit the early-21st-century heyday of University of Florida football. Personally, I'm not going to put them up there with the '80s squad until they send a player to Dancing With the Stars. (Netflix)
