Premieres Wednesday, Oct. 5:
Bling Empire — Somebody's mysterious ex joins the cast in Season 3, while the long-simmering resentment between Christina and Anna boils over. Key line from the season trailer: "There are more things in life than superficial bullshit." Sure there are; we just don't film them. (Netflix)
Jumping From High Places — We've all been waiting for a romcom about generalized anxiety disorder, and the Italians have us covered. Will a young woman who's scared of practically everything learn to embrace the risks of life and love? Find out in a charming feature brought to you by the makers of Zoloft. (Netflix)
Mr. Harrigan's Phone — Jaeden Martell and Donald Sutherland star in an adaptation of the Stephen King novella about a kid who's able to communicate with one of his deceased neighbors via cell phone. Well, who do you think still answers calls these days? The living? (Netflix)
Nailed It! Halloween — At only four episodes, the seventh season of the popular cake-wrecks series might seem a little truncated. That's because the producers suspended filming halfway through rather than allow their crew to unionize. Now all we need is for one Hobbit to go on strike, and we can bring capitalism to its knees. (Netflix)
Prince Andrew: Banished — After a month of having to feign sympathy for the British royal family, we can all be ourselves again by wallowing in a documentary exposé of Andrew’s high-profile scandals and dalliances with the likes of Jeffrey Epstein. You read it here first: Queen Elizabeth didn’t kill herself. (Peacock)
Shipwreck Hunters Australia — Divers go down under (geddit?) to explore the secrets of Australia's Treasure Coast, where an estimated 1,600 ships have sunk. They do know the Heart of the Ocean is on I-Drive, right? (Disney+)
The Sound of 007— Learn the behind-the-scenes deets of all your favorite Bond themes, including “Goldfinger,” “Nobody Does It Better” and “Yesterday’s Toxic Masculinity Can Die Tomorrow Again.” (Amazon Prime)
Togo — The first Netflix film produced in Uruguay is a drama about a street hustler who'll watch your car for a small fee — if the neighborhood drug gangs don't manage to conscript him instead. See, when you're on LinkedIn, your job options are practically limitless. (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday, Oct. 6:
Aftershock: Everest and the Nepal Earthquake — Interviews with 25 survivors give valuable context into the earthquake that killed more than 9,000 people in the year 2015. (It was actually the year 2072 if you follow the Bikram Sambat. If you want to know what disasters are going to hit in 2072 Gregorian, you'll have to ask Tyler Henry or something.) (Netflix)
Deadstream — In a bid to earn back his fame, a washed-up vlogger attempts the risky stunt of ... spending the night in a haunted house. Excuse me, that's it? This is 2022! He could at least do it while eating a NyQuil chicken or something. (Shudder)
Folklore Season 2— Six episodes’ worth of Asian myths and superstitions include a Thai tale about a journalist who cuts a deal with a murderous ghost. Speaking of which, have you read Maggie Haberman’s book yet? (HBO Max)
A Friend of the Family — True events inspired this nine-episode miniseries about a girl who gets kidnapped by a trusted adult — not once but twice. On the bright side, she always wanted to see Martha's Vineyard. (Peacock)
Pennyworth: The Origin of Batman's Butler — In Season 3 of the one show that's actually moved to HBO Max, good old Alfie faces a host of late-'60s crises, including an epidemic of psychedelics that's turning the kids into lawless zombies. Jesus, even Adam West sounded less like Joe Friday than this. (HBO Max)
Wahl Street — The 10-episode second season finds Mark Wahlberg navigating the "new COVID normal" as his 50th birthday looms. Those seem like pretty mild challenges for a guy who's sure he could have saved United Flight 93. (HBO Max)
Premieres Friday, Oct. 7:
Catherine Called Birdy — Two Lena Dunham movies in one year? Somebody must have walked under a ladder. This one's a medieval-era comedy in which a headstrong teen resists her dad's efforts to marry her off. It's adapted from a 1994 YA novel — because if there's one person you wanna trust with your youngsters for a few hours, it's Lena Dunham. (Amazon Prime)
Conversations With a Killer: The Jeffrey Dahmer Tapes — Now that Ryan Murphy has had his way with Jeffrey Dahmer (and you're welcome for that mental image), it's time to learn the reality of the case via previously unheard recordings of the psycho killer's meetings with his defense lawyers. One of the more jaw-dropping excerpts: "If you guys can get me out of this, I think I've found work at the Olive Garden." (Netflix)
Derry Girls — The third and final season of Lisa McGee's Britcom solves the conundrum of how much mileage you can wring out of a show that's set during the final year of The Troubles. One more season, and she would have had to spill over into the next great era of Irish history, The Years of Still Having to Put Up With Bono. (Netflix)
Glitch — Netflix Korea gets all X-Files on us with the continuing story of a young woman who suspects an extraterrestrial conspiracy when her boyfriend suddenly disappears off the face of the Earth. Aliens, maybe. But don't rule out that bitch Carole Baskin. (Netflix)
Hello, Jack! The Kindness Show — Jack McBrayer is back for a second season of teaching preschoolers how to conduct themselves with compassion and decency. And also where to put their boogers. (Apple TV+)
Hellraiser — Pinhead's a chick in the already-controversial reboot of Clive Barker's horror classic. Why that should bother anybody is one of life's little puzzle boxes, but I guess when it comes to your sadomasochism allegories written by former male prostitutes, you gotta draw the line somewhere. (Hulu)
Luckiest Girl Alive — This adaptation of Jessica Knoll's novel stars Mila Kunis as a young woman who's tried to compensate for the multiple traumas in her past by becoming a magazine editor. Which is kind of like trying to overcome your aquaphobia by coating your body with salmon roe and wading into the marsh at Gatorland. (Netflix)
Man on Pause — Fearing a loss of personal potency as he ages, a Turkish man channels his anxiety into a move to a fabulous new home, only to find himself mired in a morass of rich landlords, dangerous Russians and his own weird relatives. Listen, if this script were any more on the nose, Merrick Garland would be subpoenaing it. (Netflix)
The Mole — Fourteen years after its network run ended, the game of subterfuge and sabotage resurfaces on Netflix with MSNBC journo Alex Wagner succeeding Anderson Cooper as host. Given that she's also taken over for Rachel Maddow four nights a week, Wagner is quite the busy bee these days. It'll be a miracle if she finds time to shoot her scenes for Taika Waititi's next feature, Thor: Wagnerok. (Netflix)
Marvel's Werewolf by Night — Marvel reaches back to one of its horror titles of the 1970s for a Halloween special that casts Gael García Bernal as the lycanthropic Jack Russell. (A character named Jack Russell, not the dog nor the disgraced Great White vocalist. Although now that I've heard myself say it, I'm imagining a hell of a special for next year.) (Disney+)
The Midnight Club — The latest series from Haunting/Midnight Mass chieftain Mike Flanagan follows an octet of young hospice patients who institute a nightly meetup to swap horror stories. In a curious coincidence, every one of their stories incorporates the phrase "my damn insurance provider." (Netflix)
Old People — Germany sends us an exercise in age-conscious paranoia, with refugees from a nursing home going on a killing spree at a wedding. But they were planning to visit on your birthday, honest! (Netflix)
The Redeem Team — LeBron James and Dwayne Wade are among the executive producers of a documentary that shows how the U.S. men's basketball team finally vindicated itself at the 2008 Olympics after a humiliating defeat in 2004. Boy, we really used to have to work up a sweat to be an international embarrassment, huh? (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday, Oct. 11:
Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever — With her sixth Netflix standup special, former Last Comic Standing winner Shlesinger ties a record previously set by Dave Chappelle. And if I understand how these things go, that means she's about to tell us if men can get pregnant. (Netflix)
