Bend an elbow with a half-goat, half-demon at Hammered Lamb's Krampusnacht

If you can't beat 'em, get really drunk and beat someone else in this festive Yuletide event. Krampusnacht takes place every year on the evening of Dec. 5 when a horrifying half-goat, half-demon visits the homes of naughty children, beats them with a switch and takes them away to his lair as punishment for their bad behavior. (It started as a German thing, don't worry about it.) The celebration expanded over time to include a Krampuslauf, in which celebrants dress as Krampus and get liquored up, and the Hammered Lamb is taking advantage of the excuse to party with horns on this year for Orlando's Krampusnacht. We're not one to shy away from themed shindigs, but parts of this story aren't adding up to us. For example, Krampus is clearly unfamiliar with B.F. Skinner's work in behavioral psychology, which states that aversive events like punishment only work to decrease undesirable behavior, not to increase positive behavior. We told you not to drop that Psych 101 class, Krampus. You didn't even finish your first semester! You just HAD to drop out when the guys in your Sigma Pi rush wouldn't stop making fun of your terrifying facial features and now you're stuck working at Best Buy and you only get out once a year around the holidays. Good luck dealing with the poorly behaved children you bring home, Krampus, because nothing's more terrifying than a home full of misled youths and a clueless single father.

8 p.m. Monday, Dec. 6 | The Hammered Lamb, 1235 N. Orange Ave. | 407-704-3200 | thehammeredlamb.com | free