Apple TV+ drops ‘Slow Horses’ Season 3, to the delight of slothful losers everywhere

Premieres Wednesday:

American Symphony — The documentary cameras roll as composer and Colbert bandleader Jon Batiste prepares to unveil his self-written symphony at Carnegie Hall; meanwhile, his girlfriend undergoes treatment for her second bout with cancer. At least now we know there's something worse than dating a musician. (Netflix)

Aruna's Magic — Here's a Brazilian series about a teenager whose power of "hyperempathy" puts her in thrall to a trio of witches. I guess Marianne Williamson has sisters we didn't know about or something. (Disney+)

Bad Surgeon: Love Under the Knife — Peek through your fingers at the true story of surgeon Paolo Macchiarini, who got his ass thrown in jail for implanting artificial windpipes in a bunch of patients who ended up dropping dead. Best detail: the inspirational wall hanging in his cell that reads "Just Breathe." (Netflix)

Slow Horses — Gary Oldman's group of MI5 bottom-feeders find themselves in the midst of a murky conspiracy in Season 3. But shouldn't murky conspiracies be above their pay grade? They should probably only have to handle, like, mildly filmy conspiracies and stuff. (Apple TV+)

Premieres Thursday:

Bookie — Stand-up comic and actor Sebastian Maniscalco stars in a comedy series about a bookie who's worried he'll be out of business when his state legalizes sports gambling. The show reunites creator Chuck Lorre with Charlie Sheen, the latter playing himself in a recurring role that pokes fun at his own penchant for gambling. Which, as we all know, is absolutely the most egregious and lampoonable thing he's ever done. (Max)

Family Switch — On the cusp of Christmas, a mom and dad swap bodies with their kids in this vehicle for Ed Helms and Jennifer Garner. I know what you're thinking: Didn't she sort of do this already in 13 Going on 30? Oh wait, you aren't. What you're really asking yourself is "Who's Jennifer Garner?" (Netflix)

Obliterated — Imagine you're on a crack Special Forces team that just got done whooping it up in Vegas after saving the city from a nuclear attack. Now imagine you have to sober up good and quick because you've learned the threat is still active. Sounds like your course of action is clear: Pass the buck to Tom Cruise, gulp a handful of Tylenol and get ready to check out the Sphere! (Netflix)

Wild Crime — With its third season, the series that tracks criminal behavior in the great outdoors changes its focus from America's national parks to our natural forests. I think we're about to learn Yogi Bear has some relatives who are even more mobbed up than he is. (Hulu)

Premieres Friday:

Candy Cane Lane — It's a mini Boomerang reunion as director Reginald Hudlin, star Eddie Murphy and producer Brian Grazer reconvene to tell the tale of a homeowner whose efforts to win a house-decorating contest accidentally bring the 12 Days of Christmas to life in human form. Hey, remember when Eddie was supposed to be enjoying some sort of career renaissance? Now all you can hear is the sound of geese a-laying. (Prime Video)

May December — Natalie Portman plays an actor who gets cast in the role of a real-life former scandal queen (Julianne Moore). Nice to see director Todd Haynes is still doing something positive with his life, when at this point he could easily be drowning himself in bourbon and grumbling, "I was playing with Barbies before any of y'all motherfuckers." (Netflix)

Related

In May December, Todd Haynes turns an old tabloid tale into a first-rate sexual thriller: Notes from a scandal

The Shepherd — Ben Radcliffe and John Travolta co-star in a short based on British writer Frederick Forsyth's 1975 novella, in which a British RAF pilot gets help from a mysterious stranger when his plane gets into trouble on Christmas Eve 1957. (Don't worry, it isn't Santa, although you can bet Bob Iger "had notes.") (Disney+)

Sweet Home — Season 2 finds South Korean teen Cha Hyun-soo (Song Kang) learning that the monsters who had overrun his apartment building have now set their sights on conquering the entire world. Jeez, the very least they could do is return his colander on the way out. (Netflix)

Timeless Heroes — Certain clickbait sites are saying the mere existence of this full-length doc about the creation of Indiana Jones means Harrison Ford has gone back on his word to never appear as the character again. Then again, they also believe Kathleen Kennedy is stealing their mail. (Disney+)

Premieres Saturday:

Doctor Who: Wild Blue Yonder — Returning showrunner Russell T. Davies calls this second of three 60th-anniversary specials "darker" than last week's The Star Beast and "genuinely weird." Come on, Russ, give us a glimmer: Are we talking Crispin Glover weird, or just Kelly-LeBrock-science-project weird? (Disney+)

Premieres Monday:

Dew Drop Diaries — Changes are afoot for our trio of apprentice faeries in Season 2, including the arrival of a male cousin while they're trying to learn to fly. Surely these will be received as pressing matters by your preschooler, but wait until they find out about that bad habit boys have of barging into the bathroom while you're trying to read a home pregnancy test. (Netflix)

Premieres Tuesday:

Geddy Lee Asks: Are Bass Players Human Too? — Rush mainstay Geddy's interviews with Krist Novoselic of Nirvana, Melissa Auf der Maur of Hole, Robert Trujillo of Metallica and Les Claypool of Primus will try to convince you the answer is "yes." Waiting in the wings: Flea, with a rubber chicken tied to his dick. (Paramount+)

Isabel Preysler: My Christmas — The Spanish-Filipina aristocrat/media personality — who also happens to be the ex-wife of Julio Iglesias and the mother of three of his children, including Enrique — is getting two whole episodes of reality programming to show the world how she prepares for the holidays. Given that she also has three other kids, I'm assuming it involves reading the story of the virgin birth while mainlining sangria and chuckling ruefully. (Disney+)