Orlando restaurants burned rubber at the 2024 Michelin Guide ceremony

Chefs and restaurateurs under the blinding spell of a company responsible for contributing a good many skid marks around the world were handed Michelin stars, Bib Gourmands and other awards Thursday night in the Michelin Guide ceremony at the Tampa Edition Hotel.

The accolades are based on the findings and evaluations of a cadre of presumed humans we know nothing about. What are their credentials? What's their cultural makeup? Does their participation present any conflicts of interest? Are any on the Epstein list?

What about their processes and procedures? And how familiar are they really with our restaurant landscape? Hey, at least the James Beard Foundation makes that public, and publishes the names of their inspectors, er, judges at the end of every awards cycle to boot.

But Michelin? Nah, they're above being transparent. It's no, um, secret these "famously anonymous inspectors," as the Michelin brass likes to tout them, have made some head-scratching selections in the three years they've been doing this, and 2024 was no different.

Natsu, an omakase joint in the North Quarter that's been open for a little more than four months, received a Michelin star.

Four. Months.

That said, so did Victoria & Albert's, the 36-year-old grand dame of Central Florida dining where tasting menus range from $295 to a tire-screeching $425 per person. Michelin's reductive and outdated star rating system all but equates a restaurant that's been open for four months to one that's been open for 36 years. I have nothing against Natsu; it's the system that's torqued.

BTW, Victoria & Albert's became the 2,891st restaurant in the world to be bestowed one Michelin star by a tire company. Yay. But, like the stuff you put in a car's hydraulic brake application, the list is fluid. I suppose now more people will motor on down to Disney, which should make the folks at Visit Orlando really happy.

Camille (my Top Table of 2023) and Peruvian prix-fixer Papa Llama were the other new Orlando restaurants to earn one Michelin star. Like Natsu and V&A, both also offer set tasting menus.

Other Orlando accolades: Chichi Spanish steakhouse Capa, along with omakase houses Soseki and Kadence, retained their one Michelin star rating; chichi, not-so-Spanish steakhouse Knife & Spoon lost theirs; Kaya received a special "Green Star Award" for local sourcing and sustainability; Justin Levaughn accepted the "Exceptional Cocktails Award" for Otto's High Dive; and Israel Perez, restaurant manager and sommelier for Victoria & Albert's, was handed the "Service Award."

As far as Bib Gourmands (presented to restaurants offering a meal of "good quality at a good value"), 11 Orlando restaurants made the cut, including newcomers Zaru and Sushi Saint, which we told you about last week.

Oh, and so sorry, 1921 Mount Dora. It seems the $800,100 that Visit Orlando paid Michelin for the first three years of the guide (not to mention the $150,000 Visit Florida kicked in) doesn't cover the cost for these inspectors to drive all the way to Lake County. Seeing that the WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF THE GUIDE is to promote automotive tourism and steer motorists to worthy out-of-the-way restaurants, it's a damn bloody shame they won't indulge in your food and drink. But that's OK.

Remember what Anthony Bourdain said: "I think you’re doing it right if Michelin hasn’t come. They’re utterly useless, and in no way prepared or capable of evaluating restaurants in a modern setting."

The man told it like it is. But if you're still curious about which Florida restaurants an elitist and secretive organization decided to honor Thursday night, you can read the full list here.

I'm Audi 5000.

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