9912 Lake Louise Drive, Windermere: This 9-bedroom, 11-bath (plus four half baths!) home is 21,515 square feet, and it could be yours for just $16,500,000.
It features a double stairway, for your most dramatic entrances and tearful moments.
It also has a very ornate wood-paneled office with some rather unattractive mauve carpeting that has recently been vacuumed.
Looks like they vacuumed the media room carpet recently, too!
But check out this crazy little soaking tub. That’s pretty awesome.
This bathroom is so big it kind of needs its own bathroom.
Another view of the obscenely large bathroom.
After that bathroom, we sort of expected more from the kitchen, but it’s nice.
And when you want to gaze down upon your splendorous living quarters, there’s a balcony for that.
And, yes, of course there’s a pool. There’d better be for $16 million.
10169 Tavistock Road: 5 beds, 8 baths, 9,599 square feet. Price tag: 5,250,000
If you owned this home, this would be your closet.
So would this, because your closet would have two stories. TWO-STORY CLOSET! With weird pendant lighting.
This is where your pool table would live, but if we were you, we’d ditch those tacky chairs.
This media room for elves would also belong to you.
And Elvis would guard the popcorn machine.
We love it when people who own expensive houses make them look like castles, and this beauty is perfect for the Game of Thrones fan with money to burn. 1118 Coniston Way, Windermere, boasts 5 beds, 6 baths and is 8,128 square feet. It could be yours for $2,500,000.
Is this the room where the feasts happen?
Is this where the kitchen wenches work?
What is this room? And why does it have an adobe fireplace?
We would totally stage a Death of Marat scene in this tub.
We think maybe this is the dungeon. Not sure, though.
Look, a courtyard!
Not sure what this room is for. Maybe this is the royal bedroom.
And this probably leads to the tower where Cersei and Jaime threw Bran to the ground, crippling him for life.
5127 Latrobe Drive, Windermere, looks kind of like a cathedral from the outside. It has 6 bedrooms, 7 baths, 6,550 square feet. It’s kind of a steal at just $2,788,999.
It’s way more modern than all of the others, too.
Lots of lines and angles and splashes of color.
Totally open concept.
But be careful in the bathroom – that tilework could make you dizzy.
Nice pool.
Outdoor kitchen!
6131 Louise Cove Drive, Windermere, has 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (plus 3 half-baths), and it’s 8,581 square feet. Price: $5,250,000.
If you lived here, you could sit alone in this cavernous room and croon to yourself at your piano. Your lonely, lonely piano.
You’d have red countertops, which is kind of an interesting choice.
And you could play pool in a room with the tallest ceiling ever.
And take a bath in a tub in the middle of the room.
More two-level closets. This seems to be a thing.
And out back, you’d have a putting green right next to your pool.
As well as this kind of adorable dock on the lake.
6464 Deacon Circle is fairly unassuming on the outside. It has 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, 2 half-baths, and it’s 6,605 square feet. Price: $3,700,000.
As soon as you walk in the door, though, the marble accents. All the green marble.
And the purple tray ceilings.
And the green marble accents on the fireplace.
And, oh no.
At least you’d have this view to take your mind off of all that green.
9832 Lake Louise Drive, Windermere. This 4-bed, 5-bath mansion is 7,583 square feet, and its price tag is $8,900,000.
Pretty.
We’re not sure, but we think there’s a kitchen hiding in those baroque cabinets somewhere.
And, of course, a lovely view.
And a wine room. For $8 million, there needs to be a wine room.
9905 Lake Louise Drive, Windermere. This is a 4-bedroom, 6-bath (plus one half-bath), 7,000-square-foot mansion for $5,300,000.
Living here seems like it would be a lot like living in a hotel.
The bar even looks like a hotel bar.
And doesn’t this fireplace bedroom look like a vacation you can’t afford?
And this bathtub? Come on!
And this room – we don’t even know what to call it. We can’t even.
An indoor putting green in your pool room? Now you’re just showing off, 9905 Lake Louise.
This one is one of our favorites. 11019 Bridge House Road, Windermere, is a 7-bedroom, 4-bathroom (plus four half-baths), 9,376-square-foot house that’s going for $4,595,000.
Things get weird when you get inside. Is this a country diner, or the dining room?
Quirky country-barn decor seems to be the theme.
Even the stove is sort of old-timey. That is the stove, right?
And what is with that carpet?
And are those cornstalks on the walls of the media room? And is the TV in a barn? What is going on here?
You have this giant bathroom, so you put a tiny clawfoot tub in it.
And this bedroom. Rag rug!
And there’s a waterwheel in the pool.
It looks nice at night, but man, this is one strange house.
And now we move to the Miami Vice portion of our house tour. 11301 Bridge House Road is a 5-bedroom, 7-bath, 10,155-square-foot modern mansion with an asking price of $7,900,000.
Very sleek and modern.
Lots of windows.
You can totally picture people snorting coke off that glass breakfast bar, can’t you?
Even the pool table is ultra-modern.
A glass wall in your bedroom, overlooking the pool! At least we think that’s what’s happening here.
And we think that maybe this would be your closet?
You guys, there’s totally a fireplace in the shower.
And a sun deck. There’s an honest-to-god sundeck.
And it overlooks a lake.
That pool.
Ad that concludes our tour of Houses You Can’t Afford. Thanks to zillow.com and realtor.com for all the listing pics.