Our sister paper, Metro Times Detroit, created this slideshow of horrors that we are more likely to befall than getting infected with Ebola. We couldn’t resist sharing it with our readers:

Anyone within a stone’s throw of a television screen has been assaulted by the newest threat to mankind: the dreaded Ebola virus. With the recent arrival of the virus in the United States via an unfortunate Texan, the sensationalist news media wasted no time in blowing the severity of the situation completely out of proportion. “Ebola poses little risk to the US population,” Stephan Monroe of the CDC’s National Center for Emerging & Zoonotic Infectious Diseases told NBC. In order to contract the virus, you must come into direct contact with the bodily fluids (blood, saliva, excretion, etc.) of the infected. So unless you go to Texas and let American Patient Zero pee on you, you’re good! However, the media is still acting like we have mere days before the country is laid to waste in infectious devastation. Given Ebola’s difficult transmission and the fact that American Patient Zero has been isolated, the CDC as well as other health experts and organizations have reported that the chance of an Ebola outbreak in the United States is very low, if not virtually non-existent. So while Ebola might not be a threat, here are some things that could happen to you before you’re infected by Ebola, that the media isn’t freaking out about.

– Amanda Mooney, Metro Times Detroit

GETTING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!The average American has a one in 500,000 chance of being struck by lightning in a given year, and a 1 in 6,250 chance in a lifetime. Regardless of when it happens to you, it will happen before you’re infected with the Ebola virus. Of course not in the same place twice, not that you’ll be able to move after the first time.Photo via Wikimedia Commons
GETTING CRUSHED BY A VENDING MACHINE!All you want is a Snickers, and it won’t give it to you. Your first instinct is probably to kick, punch or shake the vending machine. BEWARE! There’s a one in 112 million chance that it will fall on you. On average, about two people in the U.S. are crushed by vending machines each year. Your sick obsession with candy bars is more of a threat to your health than Ebola.Photo via Flickr user Phil Whitehouse
BE INJURED BY A POGO STICK!Before you get too cocky and try that back flip or acquaint your pelvic bone with your ribcage, know that you have a one in 115,300 chance of being sent to the ER due to a pogo stick related accident, a higher chance than being sent there due to Ebola.Photo via Flickr user rickpilot_2000
LOSING AN APPENDAGE TO A CHAINSAW!13 pounds of motorized metal teeth is only as intelligent as its operator, though sometimes those buggers can get a little unruly. You have a one in 4,464 chance of being injured in a chainsaw related accident before you’re infected with Ebola. Just try not to bleed on anyone.Photo via Flickr user Hefin Owen
SPIDERS IN YOUR MOUTH!Arachnophobia is the number one most common fear in the world, so it should delight you to know that you have a one in 1 million chance of swallowing at least two of those eight-legged agents of Satan in your sleep. Better odds than swallowing the bodily fluids of someone infected with Ebola.Photo via Flickr user cybershot dude
Orlando Zombie Ball Credit: Thuyvi Gates
EXPERIENCING AN ASTEROID APOCALYPSE!Rather than investing in mass hypochondria, invest in an underground bunker. You have a one in 5,000 chance of experiencing the impact of a catastrophic asteroid than an Ebola outbreak in your lifetime.Photo via Wikimedia Commons
BE POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!What could be worse than infectious disease? Ask Linda Blair. You have a one in 7,000 chance of being considered demonically possessed than being infected with Ebola.Photo via Wikimedia Commons
BE AUDITED BY THE IRS!If Ebola doesn’t get you, Uncle Sam will. You have a one in 175 chance of being audited by the IRS. Something we’re sure could be considered a worse fate.Photo via Wikimedia Commons
BE HIT BY A BASEBALL! Watch your head! Odds are one in 300,000 that you will take a fly ball to the frontal lobe at a major league baseball game before you fall victim to Ebola.Photo via Wikimedia Commons
SLIP ON SOAP!If you just happen to come into direct contact with the bodily fluids of someone infected with Ebola, you might want to be more wary of what you’re using to cleanse yourself. You have a one in 11,380 chance of being injured in a soap related accident than being infected with Ebola. Photo via Wikimedia Commons