Kill your body with these secret Taco Bell menu items before those New Year’s resolutions kick in

Once upon a time, the Cheesy Gordita Crunch was a secret-menu hack known only to Taco Bell insiders, but the Bell saw how popular it was and added it to the regular menu. Then they stayed true to their stunt-food roots by taking it further and selling a Doritos™ Cheese Gordita Crunch.

It’s hard to top these guys … any restaurant that sells Sriracha Chicken Crunchwrap Sliders and Cap’n Crunch Donut Holes is way ahead of your brain, stoner-food-wise. But maybe the following menu hacks will make it onto the menu one day. In the meantime, bellow these special orders into the drive-thru speaker with grandeur and authority:

Cheesarito
Melted cheese, red sauce and scallions in a soft tortilla

Enchirito
An enchilada stuffed with beans, beef and cheese, covered in red sauce and melted cheese

The Incredible Hulk
Beefy 5 Layer Burrito, with guacamole instead of sour cream

Superman Burrito
Cheesy Double Beef Burrito, with extra potatoes plus sour cream, guacamole and red tortilla strips inside

Wanna create your own Frankenstein masterpiece? Stretch the counter person’s patience by asking to add any of the following items, all listed on Taco Bell’s “Customize It” menu:

• nacho cheese sauce
  
• chipotle sauce
  
• sriracha sauce
  
• spicy ranch
  
• onions
  
• red sauce
  
• guacamole
  
• pico de gallo
  
• creamy jalapeño sauce
  
• jalapeño peppers
  
• avocado ranch sauce
  
• potatoes
  
• bacon
  
• premium Latin rice
  
• chunky salsa
  
• romaine lettuce
  

This article appears in Dec 23-29, 2015.