SeaWorld’s search for new CEO narrowed down to three people who haven’t seen ‘Blackfish’

Following the departure of former CEO Joel Manby, SeaWorld released a statement saying they’ve narrowed their search down to the only three people in existence who haven’t seen the documentary Blackfish.

“We’re confident that whoever takes over here at SeaWorld will not only be a leader and an innovator, but most importantly, someone who hasn’t seen Blackfish,” said marketing coordinator Michelle Stacks.

Sources close to the situation confirm that the three finalists have yet to use the internet.

This story is 100 percent satire. Nothing you read here is remotely true. Happy April Fools’ Day.

This article appears in Mar 28 – Apr 3, 2018.