The Five-Year Engagement — Jason Segel and Nick Stoller attempt to recapture that Forgetting Sarah Marshall magic via this portrait of a young couple on a long and winding path toward matrimony. That path had better include some fuckin’ vampire puppets, is all I’m saying. (R)

[youtube iNhAslpICxE] Footnote — Reviewed this issue. (PG)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits — Aardman Animation casts Hugh Grant as the voice of a seafaring rogue who covets one thing and one thing only. Cheap street punanny? Nope, the Pirate of the Year award. But good guess. (PG)

[youtube aiaEQ2VZDpw] The Raven — Reviewed this issue. (R)

Safe — I swear to God I saw a TV spot for this pursuit thriller that listed its dramatic attributes as one-word ingredients (e.g., “Gangsters”), culminating in the minimalist, supremely persuasive “Statham.”  But I’ve looked and looked, and I can’t find the ad anywhere online. So maybe one of those narrative components — like “car chases,” maybe — hit the cutting-room floor at the last minute, forcing Lionsgate to pull the ad lest they run afoul of consumer watchdogs? That would suck, since I was really counting on this movie to supply 100 percent of my daily dosage of Riboflavin.  (R)

[youtube Mv2VZi5RD6c]

The Five-Year Engagement — Jason Segel and Nick Stoller attempt to recapture that **Forgetting Sarah Marshall** magic via this portrait of a young couple on a long and winding path toward matrimony. That path had better include some fuckin’ vampire puppets, is all I’m saying. (R)

[youtube iNhAslpICxE]

Footnote — Reviewed this issue. (PG)

http://orlandoweekly.com/film/footnote-1.1305618

The Pirates! Band of Misfits — Aardman Animation casts Hugh Grant as the voice of a seafaring rogue who covets one thing and one thing only. Cheap street punanny? Nope, the Pirate of the Year award. But good guess. (PG)

[youtube aiaEQ2VZDpw]

The Raven — Reviewed this issue. (R)

http://orlandoweekly.com/film/the-raven-1.1305620

Safe — I swear to God I saw a TV spot for this pursuit thriller that listed its dramatic attributes as one-word ingredients (e.g., “Gangsters”), culminating in the minimalist, supremely persuasive “Statham.” But I’ve looked and looked, and I can’t find the ad anywhere online. So maybe one of those narrative components — like “car chases,” maybe — hit the cutting-room floor at the last minute, forcing Lionsgate to pull the ad lest they run afoul of consumer watchdogs? That would suck, since I was really counting on this movie to supply 100 percent of my daily dosage of Riboflavin. (R)

[youtube Mv2VZi5RD6c]

This article appears in Apr 25 – May 1, 2012.