… physical ailment or island getaway?
 
PHYSICAL AILMENT
ISLAND GETAWAY
Seychelles  
Shingles
 
Bora Bora  
Beriberi
 
Dry Tortugas  
Montezuma’s Revenge
 

… potato-chip flavor or an Antonio Banderas movie?
 
CHIP FLAVOR
BANDERAS MOVIE
Lay’s Classic
 
Original Sin  
White Cheddar
 
The White River Kid  
Two Much  
Double Crunch
 
Jalapeño Heat
?

… dance craze or a backyard wrestler?
 
DANCE CRAZE
WRESTLER
The Waterbug
 
The Lizard  
The Snail Creep
 
The Sandman  
The Retarded Butcher  
Da Butt
 
The Jew Cashew  
The Mashed Potato
 

… personal problem or a reason for crop failure?
 
PROBLEM
CROP FAILURE
Drought  
Gout
 
DDT  
STD
 
Canker
Hurricane damage in the growing regions  

… Charles Dickens character or an argument for tossing your iPod?
 
DICKENS
TOSS IPOD
Jethro Tull  
Uriah Heep
Artful Dodger
Amon Duul  
Tiny Tim
Tommy Traddles
 
Tommy Tune  

… international airline or an exotic dining option?
 
AIRLINE
EXOTIC DINING
Lutefisk  
Lufthansa
 
Swissair
 
Swiss roll  
Aer Lingus
 
Cunnilingus  

… school of philosophy or a reason to visit metro Orlando?
 
PHILOSOPHY
VISIT ORLANDO
Situationism
 
Positive realism
 
Cultural tourism  
Nihilism
 
Existentialism
 
Creationism

… weekly newspaper or a poker hand?
 
WEEKLY PAPER
POKER HAND
Georgia Straight
 
Straight Flush  
Gambit
 
Full House  
Ace Weekly
 
High Card  
Dallas Observer
 

… Broadway musical or a chapter from Heidi Fleiss’ autobiography?
 
BROADWAY
FLEISS CHAPTER
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
 
Call Me Madam
 
Anything Goes
 
The Most Happy Fella
 
Stop the World, I Want to Get Off
Rent
 

… quote from Al Capone or Dick Nixon?
 
CAPONE
NIXON
“Don’t you get the idea I’m one of those goddamn radicals. Don’t get the idea I’m knocking the American system.”
 
“I am an introvert in an extrovert profession.”  
“Vote early and vote often.”
 
“Let the bastards twist slowly in the wind.”  
“I’m sick of the job. It’s a thankless one and full of grief. I’ve been spending the best years of my life as a public benefactor.”
 
“I would have made a good pope.”  
“I want this guy dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!”  

This article appears in Feb 16-22, 2005.