NOTE: All release dates remain subject to change as the writers’ strike continues. Also, this disclaimer was written by a Speak ‘n Spell.
Premieres Wednesday:
Arnold — In case you haven’t checked out FUBAR yet, Netflix is really hoping your curiosity will be piqued by this three-episode docuseries that examines the life of Arnold Schwarzenegger as three different people: athlete, actor and American. Know what else also starts with “A?” Austrian, Apprentice and adultery. But there are only so many hours in a day. (Netflix)
Secrets and Sisterhood: The Sozahdahs — Seriously, I’m going to find it hard to swallow the argument that America is a racist country now that we have a Muslim-American version of the Kardashians. And as this reality show makes clear, there are a full 10 Sozahdah sisters flitting around L.A. So we could marry off a good four of them to mentally ill Nazi sympathizers and still have a program. (Hulu)
Somewhere Boy — An overprotective dad tries to hide his son away from the world after the kid’s mother dies in a car crash. But safeguarding his offspring from danger turns out to be a less-than-workable strategy in the long term. Finally, a series that answers the question “How much more entertaining would Finding Nemo be if they weren’t cute fish?” (Hulu)
Premieres Thursday:
Based on a True Story — Kaley Cuoco and Chris Messina play a married couple whose hopes of becoming popular true-crime podcasters rest on getting a little too close to a serial killer. At least it’s better than doing unboxing videos, because those things really expose you to the dregs of society. (Peacock)
My Fault — A 17-year-old Argentinian falls for the bad-boy son of her mom’s rich new husband. What happens next will surprise you — unless you’ve bookmarked the same Redtube pages I have. (Prime Video)
Never Have I Ever — It’s the fourth and final season for Mindy Kaling to fondly recall the high-school incubation period of all the personal qualities Twitter now considers problematic. Will her dramatic avatar, Devi (Maitreyi Ramakrishnan), find true love with the latest in a seemingly endless series of white boys? Or will she proceed directly to helping her brother pose as a Black guy to get into med school? (Netflix)
Tour de France Unchained — Get an up-close view of the 2022 race from camera crews that were embedded with seven of the competing teams. Normally, if you find yourself embedded with a bike team, it means the accelerator on your Camry is running true to form. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday:
Bloodhounds — South Korea furthers its claim to the seamier side of programming with a series about young people who make an ill-advised descent into the world of loan sharking. Now the onus is on Syfy to respond with Loan Sharknado. (Netflix)
Brooklyn 45 — Horror is the outcome when a bunch of American veterans hold a séance mere months after the end of World War II. But seriously, what did they expect? Even It’s a Wonderful Life was too dark for postwar America. I don’t see how contacting dear, departed Joe from C Company was ever going to be the feel-good hit of the season. (Shudder)
The Crowded Room — Tom Holland stars in a fictionalized version of the case of Billy Milligan, the first defendant in the history of the legal system to successfully plead insanity. In order to buttress the movie’s message that the mentally ill deserve greater sympathy, Milligan’s name has been changed to Danny Sullivan, and his crime downgraded from multiple rapes to a mere shooting. Because who doesn’t have one of those under their belt nowadays, amirite? (Apple TV+)
Duck & Goose: When Duck Met Goose — Before Season 2 of Duck & Goose drops next month, look back in time to learn how these preschool stars overcame the initial bumps in their friendship. The hardest part was negotiating whose name would be the signal for kids to tear-ass after each other during recess. (Apple TV+)
First Five — Having recently lost their bid for reelection doesn’t make Finnish prime minister Sanna Marin and her all-female cabinet any less compelling subjects for a three-part documentary. You’ll be especially moved by the climax, in which they get sloppy drunk, throw their arms around one another and sob “Let’s all get a big house and live together.” (Max)
Flamin’ Hot — In a portrayal that’s bound to inspire minimum-wage dreamers everywhere, actor Jesse Garcia plays Richard Montañez, the humble janitor at Frito-Lay who came up with the idea for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. I’d like to see a movie about the guy who created Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Taco, but first somebody would need to invent a fireproof colonoscopy camera. (Disney+ and Hulu)
Human Resources — Season 2 augments the existing roster of eager Hormone Monsters with guest voice actors Florence Pugh and Miley Cyrus. All together now: “I can buy myself flowers/ Write my name in the sand/ Talk to myself for hours/ Anthropomorphize some glands …” (Netflix)
The Lake — Nineties bombshell Lauren Holly joins the Canadian sitcom in Season 2, playing the free-living mom of uptight Maisy-May (Julia Stiles). Nice to see that the cast of The Adventures of Ford Fairlane doesn’t intend to rest on those laurels forever. (Prime Video)
The Playing Card Killer — This true-crime docuseries delves into the case of Alfredo Galán Sotillo, who achieved instant notoriety in 2003 by killing an unprecedented six people and wounding three more in his native Spain. Man, that’s almost as bad as what happens if you pull into the wrong driveway in Paducah. (Netflix)
The Snoopy Show — Everybody’s favorite beagle imagines himself as a pirate in Season 3, then accepts Lucy’s invitation to play a game that looks like three card monte, but with Solo cups. At this rate, selling loosies out of his doghouse can’t be far behind. (Apple TV+)
Tex Mex Motors — Watch expert auto restorers work their magic on vehicles that are hauled over the border to find a whole new life in the U.S. So apparently, all an asylum seeker has to do now to earn public sympathy is rename her baby “El Camino.” (Netflix)
This World Can’t Tear Me Down — Italian cartoonist Michele “Zerocalcare” Rech is the creator, director and star of this second animated series adapted from his introspective, politically aware works. Sure, some of the references might be a little Eurocentric. Just be glad we aren’t getting it from the Dilbert guy. (Netflix)
An Unforgettable Year: Autumn — The second in this series of seasonally themed flicks depicts the romance that blossoms between a busker who wants to turn pro and a more practical girl who hates music in general. Wow, I’ve never heard of someone who doesn’t like music whatsoever. (Although the Cardigans gave a pretty convincing impression.) (Prime Video)
The Wonder Weeks — Three couples try to juggle the demands of parenthood with their professional responsibilities in a Dutch comedy about the search for that fabled work/life balance. How cute of the Dutch to think a picture like this will play in America, where we actually mastered the work/life balance years ago by agreeing to not have any life outside work. (Netflix)
You Do You — The writings of Turkish novelist Ceylan Naz Baycan are the foundation for a movie about the workplace misadventures of the free-spirited Merve Kült. The good thing is that even if it flops, the Turks can always say it was meant to be a Kült film. (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday:
Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact — The title of Schumer’s latest stand-up special refers to her partner, Chris Fischer, whose companionship is keeping her grounded as she enters middle age. Of course, for Schumer, “grounded” means you only talk about fisting when the bus driver brings it up. (Netflix)
This article appears in Jun 7-13, 2023.