New York Minute
Studio: Warner Bros.
Website: http://newyorkminutemovie.warnerbros.com/
Release Date: 2004-05-07
Cast: Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen, Eugene Levy, Andy Richter, Darrell Hammond
Director: Dennie Gordon
Screenwriter: Emily Fox, Adam Cooper, William Collage
WorkNameSort: New York Minute
Our Rating: 1.00
If there was any doubt that this Olsen twins vehicle would be targeted directly at the dirty old men of the Internet who know just how many days remain before the gals turn 18, it evaporates minutes into the flick, when Ashley (I think it was) takes a shower in the company of a snake. Over the ensuing hour and a half, she and sis Mary-Kate have their clothes ripped off their bodies, get doused by water, pass double entendres about boys who literally fall on top of them and perform slo-mo hair-tosses while clad in a bath towel and a terry-cloth robe. The relentless sexualization is so creepy that I can’t even make the joke I was planning about having a Full House in my pants. It all transpires in the context of a wannabe-madcap caper that sees an anal-retentive Republican (Ashley, I’m almost certain) and her punk-rockin’ sib (Mary-Kate, unless I miss my guess) gallivanting across Manhattan in pursuit of their respective dreams: an Oxford scholarship and a gig opening for A Simple Plan. What they find is a Big Apple full of ethnic caricatures, anti-authority postures and animal abuse lite. Guest stars ranging from Eugene Levy to Darrell Hammond to Andrea Martin have the thankless task of propping up the borderline-inept co-starlets as they force you to consider just how much you can hate a movie that has The Donnas on the soundtrack. A hell of a lot, it turns out — unless you’re a hard-core kitsch junkie still miffed that “Glitter” didn’t suck wind hard enough.
This article appears in May 5-11, 2004.