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Parties, hangovers and propaganda
So last night was the Best Of Orlando party. Per usual, we all got shitty and made fools of ourselves. Scott Maxwell was there and wrote a little something in his blog (how many “i’s” are in my name, Scott?). I’d link to it but I’m too goddamn lazy at the moment. (Oh, and Scott,…
Islam: What the West Needs to Know
Islam: What the West Needs to Know Studio: Disinformation WorkNameSort: Islam: What the West Needs to Know Evocative of a fund-raising flick for a cult of far-right-wing xenophobes, the packaging and production of Islam: What the West Needs to Know are both cheap and far from subtle. Unflinchingly focused on the centuries of violent conquest…
Thunderpants
Thunderpants Studio: Genius Products WorkNameSort: Thunderpants To gauge how far the Weinstein brothers’ stars have fallen, look no further than 2002’s Thunderpants, a noxious direct-to-DVD ‘family filmâ?� that the men who made Miramax decided to distribute. Thunderpants’ four-years-later release seems arbitrary, except that it was the acting debut of Rupert Grint, who is currently appearing…
Blueprint
Blueprint Label: Suphala Productions Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Blueprint There’s something about tabla player Suphala that makes you want to hate her. First, there’s the matter of one of her previous albums that included a Melanie Griffith/Antonio Banderas duet ‘ on a poem translated by Deepak Chopra. Then there’s the love that…
Space Jungle Luv
Space Jungle Luv Label: Anthology Length: LP Rated: NONE Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Space Jungle Luv Anti-war marches, an oil shortage, a welcome vice-presidential resignation, overwhelming calls for a president’s impeachment, Watergate â?¦ things have really turned around in the United States since the 1970s, haven’t they? Beneath the decade’s turbulent newspaper headlines, the…
Deadverse Massive Vol. 1: Rarities 1999-2006
Deadverse Massive Vol. 1: Rarities 1999-2006 Label: Hydra Head Length: LP Rated: NONE Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Deadverse Massive Vol. 1: Rarities 1999-2006 If the crushing sonic landscapes that typically lie atop Dälek’s rhymes like an elephant on heavy drugs haven’t convinced you that this rapper is profoundly influenced by My Bloody Valentine, then…
A Drink and a Quick Decision
A Drink and a Quick Decision Label: Recall Length: LP Rated: NONE Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Drink and a Quick Decision, A Grand National sounded familiar on their dance-y ‘ but sometimes acoustic ‘ debut, Kicking the National Habit, but there’s a more diverse track list on their follow-up, A Drink & a Quick…
Partner
Partner Studio: K Sera Sera Rated: NONE Cast: Salman Khan, Govinda, Lara Dutta Director: David Dhawan Music Score: Sajid-Wajid WorkNameSort: Partner Our Rating: 3.00 David Dhawan ‘ India’s king of broad romantic farces ‘ has for the first time teamed his two most dependable stars in the same film. Partner is an amped-up remake of…
Hairspray
Hairspray Studio: New Line Cinema Rated: PG Cast: Nicole Blonsky, John Travolta Director: Adam Shankman WorkNameSort: Hairspray Our Rating: 1.00 The pillaging and plundering of classic cinema for hollow Hollywood rehashes is nothing new, but there are few recent examples as execrable as Hairspray. This screen-to-stage-to-screen disaster spits in the face of John Waters’ decade-defining…
Anthem
Anthem Studio: Passion River WorkNameSort: Anthem If an independent film made on the cheap during the mid-’90s by two industry dropouts doesn’t stoke yawns of disinterest, knowing it’s a road-trip documentary in search of *A*M*E*R*I*C*A* only sweetens the probability that it’s a dated cultural artifact on par with a Vaughn Meader album. The great (and…
POLICE BEAT
;JULY 5, 2:07 P.M.: Fireworks no longer dazzled night skies when one man returned to a work scenario that was anything but celebratory.; ;Sometime in the three days prior, some unknown suspect or suspects raided a beauty-supply shop in the 3100 block of West Colonial Drive. They pried open the rear door, and the spree…
MAIL SACK
Best of the bunch My name is David Ettinger and I am the writer and editor here at First Baptist Church of Orlando. Before this, I worked for more than four years at the Holy Land Experience in the same capacity. Before that, I was a journalist for 19 years out in the Southwest, where…
ROCK’S ‘GAYEST’ MOMENTS?
Long before Americans deigned to view homosexuality as anything but deviant, rock stars were blurring the sexual-preference issue with what we can now safely say wasn’t homosexuality or even bisexuality at all. Try an overindulged rock star with a nagging need to get in touch with his inner Gabor sister. They wore gayness like a…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007 – SPORTS AND RECREATION
Best airborne cult The Quest Air crew 6548 Groveland Airport Road, Groveland 352-429-0213 www.questairforce.com Situated in a remote corner of south Lake County, Quest Air specializes in hang-gliding adventures for both addicts and novices. The compound resembles a summer camp more than a “proper” airport, with a lake, swimming pool, game room and a collection…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007 – ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT
Best ringtone by someone you’ve met Sam Rivers’ “Downstairs Blues Upstairs” Available from various ringtone-download websites Customizing your cellie’s ring is tempting, but when Lil Mama’s “Lip Gloss” oozes out of your pocket in a work meeting, you’ll be sorry. The search for a cool song that won’t rat out your low-end pop-cultcha habit ends…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007 – GOODS AND SERVICES
Best recycled home improvement stuff Habitat for Humanity Home Store 2105 N. Orange Blossom Trail, 407-426-7192 www.habitat-orlando.org This place is like a giant garage sale; you just never know what you’ll find. That’s because all the merch is donated, and proceeds from sales support Habitat for Humanity. But you can be sure there will be…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007 – LOCAL COLOR
Best opportunity to gloat Trans Continental bankruptcy sale, June 12 Big Lou Pearlman may finally be in federal custody after months on the lam spent laughing at the rubes he fleeced, but at least Orlando got a brief opportunity to spit in his face, and rummage through his desk drawers, at the Trans Continental bankruptcy…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007
Contributors: Jeffrey C. Billman, Jason Ferguson, Faiyaz Kara, Seth Kubersky, Bao Le-Huu, Billy Manes, Mark Padgett, David Plotkin, Deanna Sheffield, Lindy T. Shepherd, Bob Whitby and Jessica Bryce Young. Special thanks to: Tejal Patel (www.tejalhenna.com), OrlandoBellydance.com, Prerana Boutique and FX Hair Studios Where, exactly, is the fun? Step right this way and let us take…
BEST OF ORLANDO 2007 – FOOD AND DRINK
Best not-really-a-“dive” bar Wally’s Mills Avenue Liquors 1001 N. Mills Ave., 407-896-6975 For years, Wally’s has been a dependable winner in our “best dive bar” category, to the point that we decided to do away with the distinction in this year’s balloting. Not because the preternaturally strong drinks they pour have fallen out of favor…
BLISTER
“I was thinking you might want to use this trip to Costa Rica to dry out,” Alan speaks the unspeakable through an ironic mouthful of airport Skoal. “You know, clean up your act a little bit.” Oh, no. This isn’t going very well at all. “Bartender, make mine a double,” I 9 a.m. slur through…
HATIN’ ON MEL
;If there’s a silver lining for Florida’s junior senator, it’s that he doesn’t have to face voters for three years, an eternity in politics. Despite approval ratings in the 30s, there’s still plenty of time for Mel Martinez to rehab a battered public image. More important, he could conceivably repair an eviscerated relationship with the…
SAVAGE LOVE
;I’m 18 years old and my girlfriend and I have been engaging in sexual acts. She has no problem coming, but when it comes to sexual intercourse she can’t orgasm. Is my penis not doing the job correctly? She says she feels good, but can’t climax. Could there be something wrong with her? I don’t…
ANY TAKERS?
Since Mayor Buddy Dyer reclaimed his mayor’s chair after a short-lived indictment in 2005, he’s wagered his legacy on building the “community venues,” the massive $1 billion-plus trifecta of public works projects that includes refurbishing the Citrus Bowl and building a new performing arts center and arena. On July 23, the city will likely sign…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Here’s how you damage the soul: You bore it, you deprive it of adventure and you starve it of chances to grow ever more courageous. I’m worried this could happen in the coming weeks; you may be tempted to get involved with things that are too easy for you. To make…
CONSOLE CINEMATIC
;As seasonal markers go, it’s as certain as the first pitch of the baseball season and skyjacked gasoline prices: When temperatures soar, the brainless blockbusters descend on the multiplex and, in increasing numbers, on our game consoles as well. Summer 2007 is littered with a literal bumper crop of games based on mega-flicks – no…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
;Finally, the DVD of You’re Gonna Miss Me, the absorbing documentary about the brilliant but troubled musician Roky Erickson, is out. Like the stories of other outsider musicians like Daniel Johnston and Syd Barrett, his is an intensely heartbreaking one. From his days fronting the vanguard psychedelic band 13th Floor Elevators through his damaging stint…
EVERYBODY’S A COPPOLA
;It’s only the kid’s first day in the office, but already you hate him. You hate his pleated slacks, his too-personable disposition. You hate his hair. He could change it; it wouldn’t matter. He’s young. Cocky, too, you decide at once. You’re observing him intently now, gathering fuel. Ooh, lookit Mr. Big Shot, finding the…
CULTURE TO GO
;Old-school woodie; ;;The Starliner;Cypress Gardens Adventure Park ;Winter Haven;(863) 324-2111;www.cypressgardens.com;; Florida’s theme parks feature roller coasters filled with zero G-force inversions, magnetic launches and flailing yetis, yet none of those steel machines can match the organic thrill of a classic wooden coaster. Many of the legendary woodies have been mulched, but thanks to Cypress Gardens…
VARIETY (MEAT) IS THE SPICE OF LIFE
There are some for whom adventurous dining is more than just an intrepid foray into gastronomy’s underbelly. For these ballsy connoisseurs, testing the culinary boundaries is their very raison d’être; for others, such transgressions are usually precipitated by fraternity initiations, reality TV show challenges or good old-fashioned peer pressure. Personally, I’ve had the pleasure (and…
I LOVE TELEVISION
Oh, don’t you threaten ME, television! `Note to readers: Don’t ever get into an argument with me, because A) I refuse to use logic, and B) I start rocking my head back and forth and shaking my finger in the air, like I was a cast member of Living Single.` Don’t think FOR ONE SECOND…
HAPPYTOWN
By now you’re familiar with the saga of Blow Job Bob™ Allen, the Merritt Island Republican state representative (and John McCain presidential campaign co-chair) arrested July 11 after allegedly offering to give an undercover cop a hummer and pay him $20. Allen says this is all some big misunderstanding, but offered no real explanation as…
