A SMALLER BLOOM
The Constant Gardener Studio: Focus Features Rated: R Website: http://www.theconstantgardener.com/ Release Date: 2005-09-02 Cast: Ralph Fiennes, Rachel Weisz, Danny Huston, Archie Panjabi, Bill Nighy Director: Fernando Meirelles Screenwriter: Jeffrey Caine Music Score: Alberto Iglesias WorkNameSort: Constant Gardener , The Our Rating: 4.00 The fate of The Constant Gardener is to suffer by association. It’s a…
The Edukators
The Edukators Studio: IFC Films Rated: R Website: http://www3.ifcfilms.com/theedukators/ Release Date: 2005-09-02 Cast: Hans Weingartner Director: Daniel Brühl, Julia Jentsch, Stipe Erceg, Burghart Klaussner, Peer Martiny Screenwriter: Hans Weingartner, Katharina Held WorkNameSort: Edukators, The Our Rating: 2.50 The German export The Edukators is most notable for how spectacularly it fumbles a can’t-miss intro: An affluent…
Undiscovered
Undiscovered Studio: Lions Gate Films Rated: PG-13 Website: http://www.undiscoveredfilm.com/main.html Release Date: 2005-09-02 Cast: Pell James, Steven Strait, Kip Pardue, Carrie Fisher, Ashlee Simpson Director: Meiert Avis Screenwriter: John Galt WorkNameSort: Undiscovered Our Rating: 1.00 About as romantic as watching a chicken farmer jerk off a hen, Undiscovered will in all hopes live up to its…
MEXICAN STANDOFF
One of my first international culinary trysts was with Mexican food. In Los Angeles, where I grew up, the lure of a taco stand was never farther away than a nearby side street. Even now, on cool, dry days when the sun is shining, I still crave the simplicity of marinated meat barely wrapped in…
LONDON’S DREAMY
Finisterre Label: Plexifilm Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Finisterre While the bulk of British pop act Saint Etienne’s stateside notoriety emanates from their unlikely early-career cover of Neil Young’s “Only Love Can Break Your Heart,” in their native England the band is considered something of a kitchen-sink drama institution, canonizing London’s peculiar distant apathy in the lazy…
BLOCK-ROCKIN’ BEATS
Run-DMC, King of Rock, Raising Hell and Tougher Than Leather Label: Profile/Arista/Legacy Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Run-DMC, King of Rock, Raising Hell and Tougher Than Leather One thing that’s inescapable in reading the excellent liner notes that accompany the reissues of Run-DMC’s first four albums is the overwhelming insistence on the group’s importance, epitomized by Chuck…
Amber Headlights
Amber Headlights Label: Infernal Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Amber Headlights Any affair involving Greg Dulli comes with a slightly embarrassing caveat: This is a large and sweaty man, wailing with sexual frustration. But in nearly all cases a fuck-it-all, gut-burning genius reveals itself with repeated exposure. Amber Headlights isn’t a “new” Greg Dulli record, but tracks…
Destination Unknown
Destination Unknown Label: Ronboy Rhymes Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Destination Unknown Every Ron Sexsmith album has its share of perfectly sculpted ballads and eloquent midtempo rockers. The Canadian troubadour knows how to wring pathos from yesterday until the tiniest moments resonate. Here, he’s joined by the drummer in his touring band, Don Kerr, who adds harmonies,…
Displacement
Displacement Label: Mush Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Displacement Maybe gloomy hip-hop is as common as voter fraud in the Midwest. In Lawrence, Kan., it certainly seems that ID and Sleeper have seen some rainy days. On Displacement, their debut, beatmaker Sleeper’s moody, droning sounds emanate like mist from dreary alleyways and sewer grates over weighty, sluggish…
BROWN-COLLAR COMEDY
The Aristocrats Studio: ThinkFilm Rated: NONE Website: http://www.thearistocrats.com/ Release Date: 2005-09-02 Cast: Gilbert Gottfried, Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, George Carlin, Phyllis Diller Director: Paul Provenza WorkNameSort: Aristocrats, The Our Rating: 4.00 The punchline of the joke known as “the Aristocrats” is barely worth a chuckle. But as in all journeys, the end isn’t the point.…
HUTU YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Shake Hands With the Devil: The Journey of Romeo Dallaire Studio: Film Transit Rated: NONE Website: http://www.filmstransit.com/shake_hands.html Release Date: 2005-09-01 Cast: Roméo Dallaire Director: Peter Raymont WorkNameSort: Shake Hands With the Devil: The Journey of Romeo Dallaire Our Rating: 3.50 “I take pills every day to stay reasonable,” says Lt. Gen. Roméo Dallaire, who in…
BELLE DU JOUR
Junebug Studio: Sony Pictures Classics Rated: R Website: http://www.sonyclassics.com/junebug/ Release Date: 2005-09-02 Cast: Phil Morrison Director: Amy Adams, Embeth Davidtz, Benjamin McKenzie, Alessandro Nivola, Frank Hoyt Taylor Screenwriter: Angus MacLachlan Music Score: Yo La Tengo WorkNameSort: Junebug Our Rating: 5.00 Her supporting performance was one of the highlights of Catch Me If You Can, and…
SAY EVERYTHING
Commonly referred to as “that annoying comedian who shouts all the time” – by fans as well as detractors – Gilbert Gottfried is also a sought-after film and TV performer who has played everything from Hitler to Iago the parrot in Aladdin. (He’s also the voice of the AFLAC duck.) In the documentary The Aristocrats,…
DARWIN WAS RIGHT! OR WAS HE?
The anti-evolution crowd has gotten itself quite a bit of ink lately. From a cover story in Time magazine to an endorsement by President George W. Bush, creationism is back in vogue. Technically, it’s not the creationism that you were taught in Sunday school. While many fundamentalists still hang on to a literal interpretation of…
READY OR NOT
Architectural renderings of the Orlando Performing Arts Center adorn the walls around a conference table in OPAC’s new offices on the fourth floor of the squat, round building on Orange Avenue across the street from City Hall. The designs include visions created way back when under former mayor Glenda Hood alongside up-to-date revisions. Officially, no…
Happytown
Sunday night, Aug. 28, saw something of a pink debacle out at The Parliament House complex. Citing extensive underaged drinking, state officials – not the feds as some media reported – forced 12 bartenders in varying shades of revealing dress into handcuffs, prior to shoving them in the back of police vans and cars to…
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?
AUG. 20, 9:30 P.M.: The scorching Florida sun had been down for only an hour when a roving suspect or suspects decided it was safe to raid a spot in the 500 block of Conroy Street. The burglar or burglars began by climbing up and over a prickly barbed-wire fence – cautiously, of course –…
BE PREPARED!
Don’t you dare accuse me of having a weird sexual obsession with Boy Scouts – BECAUSE I DON’T! However, if there is one motto I can point to that has gotten me out of plenty of sticky situations, it’s that old Scouts saying, “BE PREPARED.” For example, last week I wrote of my short and…
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE
I went to a friend’s wedding. Five years ago I would have called her a “best friend” but now we don’t talk or see each other much. I was reacquainted with her ex-boyfriend (she dated him for three months three years ago) at her wedding and now I’m dating him. She’s pissed and claims that…
Notable Noise
Another battle of the bands – except this time there were no bands. A few weeks ago, a handful of Orlando’s best house DJs – Rob Slac, Carlos Mendoza, Ryan Lane, Andres Santa, Kevin Keith and St. Pete – went head-to-head at Zinc Bar. The prize: a gig at Ibiza, Spain, nightclub Glü. The winner:…
WHOA, NELLY
News of the Weird has often mentioned cases of bestiality, but the death of a 45-year-old man in Enumclaw, Wash., in July was extraordinary. The death was reported in the local media as having occurred after “sex with a horse,” but bestiality usually involves the human as the penetrator. In this case, though, the man…
Letters
Defending private schools This is regarding your article “Defending public schools” `Aug. 11` by Elizabeth Randall. To promote public schools by condemning private schools is quite shortsighted. Successful private schools serve a market who are looking for a certain level of attention and features not typically offered in the public setting: accelerated academics, enrichment classes…
WHAT A DRAG
Like so many other spry bits of queer bait with a propensity for nightlife chumming, I’ve dropped most of the obvious pretenses of dolled-up, decked-out, program-oriented entertainment in favor of that elusive worm at the bottom of the next cocktail. And while some of my best friends are drag queens, there is very little warbly-lipped…
Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology
ARIES (March 21-April 19) Here’s how rock critic Aidin Vaziri described the stage set when hip-hop artist 50 Cent played in San Jose: “an urban wasteland that looked like it was designed by Disney (complete with an overturned police car, graffiti-covered trash cans and the decapitated head of the Statue of Liberty).” I hope you…
ASK UNCLE TONY REDUX
When we turned over the reins of this column to teen-sex counselor Anthony “Uncle Tony” LaFemina in May of this year, little did we realize that the result would be insanely popular (read: For once, almost nobody wrote in to complain about the jarring interruption in four-color real estate ads). So we were a receptive…
