The crappiest place on Earth?
â??Disneyland is a work of love. We didnâ??t go into Disneyland just with the idea of making money.â?� â?? Walt Disney Bwah-hah-ha-ha!! Right. Anyway, over at Re-Imagineering (imagineerebirth.blogspot.com), there are some very serious people â?? former Pixar/Disney employees â?? talking about what’s wrong with Disney and how it can be fixed, “in hopes that a…
Motherland Afghanistan
Motherland Afghanistan Studio: First Run Features WorkNameSort: Motherland Afghanistan In many of the shots of Motherland Afghanistan where the viewer has a chance to see director/narrator Sedika Mojadidi, the Afghan-American filmmaker’s lip is quivering and her eyes well with tears. Normally, such directorial emoting would be unseemly, but Mojadidi’s heartfelt engagement with the story she…
Bedazzled
Bedazzled Studio: Fox WorkNameSort: Bedazzled It’s obvious why the people at Fox featured a half-naked Raquel Welch on the box art for its Bedazzled release. She’s Raquel Welch in 1967, and they want to move units, so to speak. But, as if they were guided by the hand of the Devil, Fox’s prominent marketing of…
LITTLE EARTHQUAKES
Smaller portions bring bigger satisfaction
Torque
Torque Label: Latham Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Torque Recorded two years ago, but only released this January, Torque captures New York trumpeter Brian Groder collaborating with Sam Rivers’ then-trio (Rivers, bassist Doug Mathews, drummer Anthony Cole) on 14 bracing blasts of fluidly improvisational jazz. Groder goes in for short bursts of creativity…
Out of the Woods
Out of the Woods Label: Astralwerks Length: LP Rated: NONE Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Out of the Woods At about the same time one hapless, blue-faced, morning-after rave survivor uttered the infamous words ‘chill outâ?� in the mid-’90s, Everything but the Girl called up Todd Terry, pulled on their sparkly bits and headed out…
Turn the Lights Out
Turn the Lights Out Label: Matador Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Turn the Lights Out This latest dozen finds the under-the-radar Chicago band taking a step forward in the craftsmanship of their songs. Bridging the high-wire tension of early Echo & the Bunnymen and the thick dope-buzz of the Jesus and Mary Chain,…
Hair Guitar
Hair Guitar Label: Audio Dregs Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Hair Guitar Copy’s synth- ridden electro-pop undeniably shares traits with MSTRKRFT’s crazed cuts, but Hair Guitar doesn’t hit as hard as the Canadian duo’s grimy beats do. Behind his simple pseudonym, Portland native Marius Libman has more in common with Nintendo game scores…
GRUESOME TWOSOME
Tarantino and Rodriguez make a fine mess
Are We Done Yet?
Are We Done Yet? Studio: Sony Pictures Releasing Rated: PG Release Date: 2007-04-04 Cast: Earvin Johnson, Ice Cube , Nia Long, Aleisha Allen, Philip Bolden Director: Steve Carr WorkNameSort: Are We Done Yet? Our Rating: 1.00 In this, the sequel to 2005’s Are We There Yet, ex-gangster rapper turned actor/producer Ice Cube reprises his role…
First Snow
First Snow Studio: Yari Film Group Rated: R Cast: Guy Pearce, Piper Perabo, Luce Rains, Adam Scott, Shea Whigham Director: Mark Fergus WorkNameSort: First Snow Our Rating: 0.50 In the nonsense world of First Snow, a lousy Twilight Zone premise stretched mercilessly to 121 minutes, the life of Guy Pearce’s nondescript protagonist is shaken up…
The Hoax
The Hoax Studio: Miramax Films Rated: R Cast: Richard Gere, Alfred Molina, Marcia Gay Harden, Julie Delpy, Hope Davis Director: Lasse Hallstrom WorkNameSort: Hoax, The Our Rating: 2.50 When in doubt, make it up. For a while, it worked for failed writer Clifford Irving (Richard Gere), who in 1971 bamboozled McGraw-Hill into paying six figures…
The Host
The Host Studio: Magnolia Pictures Rated: R Cast: Song Kang-ho, Scott Wilson, Byun Hee-Bong, Park Hae-il, Bae Doona Director: Bong Joon-Ho WorkNameSort: Host, The Our Rating: 4.00 A giant squid/catfish mutation born of U.S. arrogance leaps from Seoul, South Korea’s Han River, wreaks havoc, and steals the daughter of a struggling family, who, after getting…
The Reaping
The Reaping Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures Distribution Rated: R Cast: Hilary Swank, AnnaSophia Robb, David Morrissey, Idris Elba, Stephen Rea Director: Stephen Hopkins WorkNameSort: Reaping, The Our Rating: 1.50 Hilary Swank plays a former Christian missionary who lost her faith, along with her husband and daughter, on a bloody mission to Sudan. Now she’s a…
Color Me Kubrick
Color Me Kubrick Studio: Magnolia WorkNameSort: Color Me Kubrick Color Me Kubrick, the new biopic about early-’90s Stanley Kubrick imposter Alan Conway (John Malkovich), is not the first film about a delusional man passing himself off as a movie director. But it’s certainly the worst. Reading about the movie, I couldn’t help but think of…
SAVAGE LOVE
I’m a 22-year-old man from Canada and in a long-term relationship. The sex is fantastic, we’ve always been GGG, and our bedroom habits include talking dirty and light bondage, which she loves. However, my girlfriend sometimes complains that I “degrade” her in the bedroom and she thinks that this is representative of a larger lack…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
;ARIES On April 1, 1976, British astronomer Patrick Moore told his radio listeners that a rare configuration of Jupiter and Pluto was occurring. So dramatically would it affect Earth’s gravity, he said, that they might feel lighter than usual, and perhaps even be able to float up into the air. I’m wondering if we can…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
Y’know how your subconscious brain takes in everything and screens it like a secretary before it makes it to your consciousness? Well, while struttin’ it “Stayin’ Alive”—style down Orange Avenue last week I happened to walk by the Lodge. A few paces past their sidewalk sign, I came to a sudden halt with the scratch…
TRIPPING ON THE OTTOMAN
Claudia Roden is sometimes called a “culinary journalist,” rather than a cookbook writer, and with her newest book, it’s easy to see why. Arabesque comprises recipes from Morocco, Turkey and Lebanon, all countries that once were part of the Ottoman Empire. The differences between the three are subtle, but Roden sensitively details the history of…
ARTS & CULTURE TO GO
The Rocky Horror Show It’s amazing how popular this drag version of Babes in the Woods remains 35 years after its debut. And the stage version isn’t exactly the film; it lacks the water gun and toast silliness some of us expect. Director Earl Weaver’s UCF Mainstage production is true to the stage version; it’s…
HAPPYTOWN
;The fall guy has fallen. No sooner did the shit start hitting the fan last year at the Orlando-Orange County Expressway Authority — which needs to die [see “Kill the beast,” Dec. 28] — than authority officials canned and blamed Ron Pecora, the agency’s contract flack. ; ;;Pecora responded by squealing about $2,600 worth of…
LETTERS
Yea or nay? Dominic Umile: You’ve dazzled me with your more-than-competent grasp of the English language in your review of the Klaxons’ Myth of the Near Future album `CD Reviews, March 29`. The polysyllabic-adjective-to-noun ratio is off the charts. You even toss in the word “bullshit” so the reader is reminded that yes, this is…
ROAD TO NOWHERE
On Feb. 12 at 6:18 p.m., police were dispatched to a meager second-story apartment at 125 1/2 Hibiscus Court to check on the well-being of its resident, 46-year-old Raymond Dewayne Kemp, who went by his middle name. There was no answer at the door, so they broke it open and found not only Kemp’s dead…
SELECTIONS
Thursday•5 Easter Surf Festival While most Easter events involve bunnies and colorful eggs, Ron Jon Surf Shop celebrates its own way with a totally extreme Easter Surf Festival. Rather than hunt for candies, surfers vie to win $10,000 in the Men and Women’s Professional Long Board Championship presented by Long Board Magazine. In its 43rd…
DAY-GLO FLOW
Carl Maurry III was in a rebellious mood when he added his name to the crowded hip-hop market. The odds of a rapper gaining national attention, considering the sheer number of hopefuls in the field, let alone in still-budding Orlando, would seem daunting to all but the most wide-eyed. Still, Maurry had an advantage: He…
THE MOUSE HANDLER
;On your next visit to the ;Magic Kingdom, instead of sprinting to Splash Mountain, slow down and take a moment to check out the second-story windows of the shops lining Main Street USA. The various business advertisements there are more than decoration; they are permanent tributes to the people who helped build the park. Along…
JUDGE TO STRIPPERS: FONDLE AT WILL
Should strippers be allowed to touch themselves on stage? Orange County thinks not. County law specifically prohibits “fondling, stroking or rubbing of human genitals or anus.” On March 30, however, a federal judge in Orlando struck down that and other portions of the county’s adult entertainment code as unconstitutional impediments to free speech. “Some self-touching,…
AN OLD FOE RETURNS
;It isn’t the kind of conversation most would choose to have over lunch, but on March 23, in honor of World TB Day the following day, officials at the Orange County Health Department brought in food to their fourth-floor conference room for an educational session on what was once termed “the people’s disease”: tuberculosis.; ;Judging…
I LOVE TELEVISION
Here’s your problem, America: There aren’t enough of you willing to suffer for what you believe in — especially when it comes to television! Example: Did you hear about the lady who vowed to starve herself until Sanjaya was voted off American Idol? (I swear I’m not making this up. Check out her site: myspace.com/starvationforsanjaya.)…
UNDER ATTACK
;”Could you please call our creature Steve Buscemi?” Bong Joon-ho asks, claiming that Buscemi’s character in Fargo was the “character reference” while creating The Host’s title creature. I give it some thought — hmm, Buscemi’s murderous goofball character is a very American sort of monstrosity, The Host deals with the same — and I say,…
POLICE BEAT
;MARCH 23, 9:37 A.M.: O-Town natives and tourists alike browsed the booths at a flea market in the 5500 block of International Drive this sunny day, stocking up on seasonal fruit and Mickey Mouse T-shirts. A stealthy perp or perps, however, did not get enough of the flea market and decided to stick around after…
BLISTER
;I may not have invented Post-it notes, but I’ve sniffed some glue that somebody invented in my time, so for that reason alone Tony and I have decided to embark on what can only be called Tony and Billchelle’s High School Reunion. Not because that’s what tonight ought to be — after all, it’s a…
Check yourself
“Not to be confused with Alzheimerâ??s, ‘Alt.heimerâ??s’ is a term that the Slang Dictionary defines as ‘a condition afflicting chronic hipsters who can no longer recall if they like something genuinely or ironically. Example: “As Ron stared at the hideous leather pants and retro Star Wars sheets heâ??d just purchased, he realized his Alt.heimerâ??s was…
