Billy Manes

All we got for Christmas were political consequences, a shiny new Tom Feeney and some elephant arthritis via Cloris Leachman. A mixed bag, then!

The week in which the mayor got all crabby with Florence Henderson, The Daily Show got all pissy in Tallahassee and Santa got all drinky in front of the kids. Everything itches!

The week in which we hopped into an unregulated bed with heavy firearms, lamented the state’s environmental time machine and then hoped we died before we got old. Talkin’ ’bout our (lost) generation!

In which Mike Haridopolos confuses himself into a lawsuit, Rick Scott confuses state universities for idiots and the gays are about to be less confused – legally speaking – in Orlando. A ball of confusion for everyone!

The local Democratic machine gets a swift kick in the ass, a Food Not Bombs founder exchanges anarchist recipes and we take a look at the sports that happen when no sports are happening. It’s a Happytown Thanksgiving!

The week we weathered Gov. Rick Scott’s terrible foray into teaching Immokalee kids about owl pellets and farming … before getting lost in the gay crossfire of a mayoral bitchfest over a benefits ordinance. Floridian pride overload!

The week the city got all gay on the county, Polk Sheriff Grady Judd continued to get all hot on the porn and the Siegel’s unfinished mansion overshadowed the region’s hunger crisis. Sex and money, then!

Our annual Halloween mask tribute to the scary monsters and super creeps that color our dreams. Now with more shady trial lawyers, angry old conservatives and frustrated young liberals!

The week that Gadhafi got killed, the occupiers got arrested and the chamber got off scot-free. Is there no justice? Well, sometimes.

This week we contemplated cruel and unusual punishment. Would it be death by firing squad, electric chair or a blood-spitting whip at the Holy Land Experience with Lizz Winstead? We’d prefer the comedic Jesus option, frankly.

We got preoccupied with the Occupation of the City Beautiful, then we snapped out of it and measured imaginary drapes with the latest mayoral contender. Orlando is on fire! Run for your lives!

We’re proud Linda Stewart was born this way and born to run for office. We’re not so proud the the Creative Village may turn into Portlando. That Commander X hacking thing? We don’t know what to think. We’re too busy marching.