American Psycho: Murders and Executions
So the cool thing about this house would be just how rare it would be to see the killer. You would enter the mind of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho and traverse the streets of New York all the way to the iPod-white, high-rise apartments of midtown Manhattan. But the things that actually scare you throughout this experience will be the victims, bloodied, cut and running for their lives. Maybe every now and then you catch a glimpse of Bateman with a knife, or close the house with a nude shot of him running down the hallway with a chainsaw, but you’re almost always viewing the aftermath of some of the horrific acts this rich psychopath dreams about. For a little flair, you could have a room covered in the terrifying sketches his secretary finds in his notebook at the end of the film, or another room filled with spinning business cards. Ah, one can dream… – Adam McCabeCannibal Holocaust: The One That Goes All The Way!
Could you imagine a haunted house with an island setting? Sifting through the trees, pushing away branches and not knowing if there’s a cannibal waiting for you around every corner? Cannibal Holocaust is still regarded as one of the most intense feature films ever created, and it would lend itself perfectly to a haunted house. Also, given the fact that most of the film takes place during the day, I would be impressed if they could pull off a daylight setting. Day scares are tough, but they’re not impossible. – AMFrankenstein’s Army: Master Race
Have you seen this movie? I don’t think many people have, but it’s one of the most strange (if not, delightfully cheesy) creations in modern horror. It might as well just be a showcase for all of the twisted creations Dr. Frankenstein dreams up. What if the good doctor was hired during World War II to create a super army for Hitler? That’s what you will journey to find out, as you descend deep into a laboratory filled with electro-charged people on stilts who have drill noses and clamps for hands. The movie just begs to be turned into a Horror Nights house, and Universal would do well to take notice. – AMIchi the Killer: No Love In Your Violence
Takashi Miike’s bloodbath masterpiece comes to life as you follow the sadomasochistic Kakihara’s investigation to hunt the world’s most terrifyingly misunderstood serial killer. This experience could win awards for most blood on a single haunted house set, and it would be all the better for it. We could enter rooms were Kakihara is torturing people for information, and dismembered body parts are strewn all over the floor from one of Ichi’s massacres. It would definitely be a study in prosthetics and makeup application, but I know you can pull it off, Universal. – AMMotel Hell: No Vacancy
“It takes all kinds of critters … to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters!”
How awesome would it be to have you and a few friends frantically escaping from Farmer Vincent’s blood-soaked estate? We could even pass by the iconic field where the heads of his victims are poking out of the ground and run screaming from a guy wearing a pig’s head wielding a chainsaw. Hell of a way to spend an evening! – AMPan’s Labyrinth: Captivation
You think people were blown away by the puppetry of the American Werewolf In London house this year? How about a smattering of prosthetic brilliance from Guillermo Del Toro’s hit film from 2006? We could start off in a militaristic invasion of fascist Spain in 1944, and then we ventured deep into the forest to see just how far down the rabbit hole goes. Plus, I’m pretty sure I would shart myself if I knew I was being stalked by that guy with the eyes on his hands. – AMRocky Horror: Wild, Untamed Things
While it isn’t necessarily the scariest property on the market, Universal has done interestingly scary things with comedic ideas (remember the Penn and Teller house?). You begin the tour in front of the chapel and suddenly find yourself traveling the woods towards the Frankenstein place. Universal can then take the opportunity to re-create the iconic house and laboratory sequences respectfully, as the house’s classic denizens frantically dart in and out of rooms with a demented glee. I think even Frankenfurter himself would get a few scares from the shockingly-cannibalistic dinner sequence. – AMSafe Haven: Bloodbath
Safe Haven was a short film from V/H/S/2 and ranks among my favorite horror experiences of all time. It centers around an Indonesian cult being visited by a documentary film crew. What begins as a strange window into another culture eventually turns horrific when the members of the cult begin killing themselves and each other all at once. This is all in sacrifice to birth the devil (yeah, that one) from the womb of a pregnant human woman. I could just imagine hesitantly stepping through the halls as children in a classroom sing nursery rhymes about their fearless leader. Suddenly you hear the go-ahead from the leader, and everybody around you just begins committing suicide. It would be a jarring and terrifying experience unlike any other and would most likely leave people shocked and disturbed as they are chased by wailing, raving zombie cultists as their corpses suddenly reanimate. We would then venture into the birthing chamber where the giant, horned beast begins pursuing us through the blood-soaked hallways. It would be incredible. – AMBlink: Rise Of The Weeping Angels
Alright, you got me. This isn’t a horror movie. But it’s still one of the most terrifying tales told in recent memory. Doctor Who featured an episode where angel statues come to life when your eyes are closed. They move faster than you can blink and kill you by sending you back in time just long enough so that when you arrive at the day you encountered the angel, that will be the day you die. It makes for some brilliantly-original horror sequences, and some to this day call it the greatest piece of sci-fi television in history. While universal is busy acquiring licensed properties, they should really look into contacting BBC for a chance to bring the Weeping Angels to life. – AMZombies: The Zombie Experience With Zombies
So get this: You walk into the house, and then somebody just runs up and punches you in the face for expecting zombies because NO MORE ZOMBIES PLEASE. K, thanks. – AM
