No one’s giving your kids weed this Halloween, but Florida police are warning parents anyway

Every year law enforcement agencies across the country warn parents of the possibility that someone out there would rather give away marijuana for Halloween than fun size Snicker bars, and every year this absolutely never happens.

On Tuesday, the Neptune Police Department posted to their Facebook account photos of a recent drug bust, showing a bong, some pipes and few bags of THC-laced candies, implying that some maniac out there was probably about to hand out marijuana treats to your kids this Halloween.

“As Halloween approaches, always check your children’s candy!” reads the post. “536 grams of gummy-style soft candy laced with THC (the active ingredient in marijuana) was recently discovered during a traffic stop. This candy looks very similar to regular ‘gummy bear’ or ‘sour patch’ type products.”

Of course, shortly after this was posted local television stations followed suit with scary headlines like “THC-laced gummy bears prompt Florida police to warn parents ahead of Halloween.”

While it certainly is a nice reminder to tell parents to always check Halloween bags for suspicious treats (like unwrapped candy, or disgusting candy corn) it’s another thing entirely to assume that THC-laced candy, which has existed for decades, will randomly be dished out to trick-or-treaters.

Despite this myth being debunked every single year for the past 30 years, there has literally never been a report of this happening. Ever. As I’ve mentioned in the past, you actually have a better chance of getting Ebola on Halloween than accidentally getting high from a gummy bear.

The most obvious point to make here is that marijuana is just flat-out expensive.

If anything, you have a much better chance of getting hit by a car or having an allergic reaction to a peanut on Halloween night, than getting duped into eating a marijuana-laced edible.

I completely understand that police officers like to show off their drug bust hauls, but a more effective post from the Neptune Beach Police Department would’ve just been a photo of an officer standing next to an open fridge full of beer.

But arguably the most obvious point to make here is that marijuana is just flat-out expensive. A single THC-laced or CBD-infused gummy can cost around $4, and a single gourmet chocolate treat or cookie can run as high as $10 to $15. It would actually be exponentially cheaper to hand out DVDs of Shrek.

The best thing to do is apply a little common sense. Sure, could a kid accidentally mistake a THC-laced candy for real candy? Possibly. Reports of kids getting into weed has happened, but not by anyone maliciously trying to harm kids with a potent marijuana treat on Halloween.

Sorry, but it just doesn’t happen, officer.

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This article appears in Monster Squad: Orlando’s Horror Drag Queens.