Select Central Florida Red Lobster restaurants to roll out the Dew-garita cocktail in September

Yesterday MegaFoodCorps Pepsi and Red Lobster announced that they are “teaming up to create exciting new ways to enjoy great seafood along with the great taste and variety of PepsiCo products.” (In other words, you can’t get Coke at Red Lobster anymore. Enjoy informing your tables for the next year, Red Lobster waitstaff!)

The first PepsiLobster mashup menu item to roll out is the DEW® Garita, pictured above, “the first official MTN DEW® cocktail.”

This fluorescent hangover is made “using a top-secret recipe” and “pairs perfectly with Red Lobster’s iconic Cheddar Bay Biscuits®.” Sorry for all the scare quotes, but … we’re a little scared of this drink.

The Dew-garita cocktail will begin rolling out to select Red Lobster restaurants in September.

PepsiCo is also the parent company of Frito-Lay, Tropicana, Quaker and Gatorade (the rim of the cocktail looks suspiciously like crushed Sabritones, but it’s probably, we hope, Tajín), and the press release promises “the duo will leverage their iconic food and beverage brands to create a variety of craveable new menu items.” So what’s next, a Gatorade-tini with a Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal rim?

The Dew-garita cocktail will begin rolling out to select Red Lobster restaurants in September and will be available nationwide by the end of 2020. May God have mercy on your liver.

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This article appears in Behind the Mask: Global Peace Film Festival 2020.