The Orlando Eye has made a bold and sort of tasty move, trading their Coca-Cola sponsorship for a Faygo endorsement.
“We wanted to retain a soda association with a company that’s just as good, or so we’ve been telling ourselves,” said Michael Blerkin, the Faygo Eye’s new Chief Poperating Officer.
“Florida is a state that is below sea level, yet above reproach, and the Faygo Eye’s bird’s eye view of Orlando’s vast strip malls and shimmering swamplands will show riders what we’re all about.”
Blerkin cites a number of reasons for choosing Faygo, including the brand’s vast array of flavors. “With Coca-Cola, you only get one flavor that people have absolutely loved for more than 130 years. With Faygo, you get over 50 flavors ranging from okay to questionable. Now THAT’S a conversation starter. That’s what this wheel needs, baby!”
At press time the Faygo Eye was struggling to control its new over-attendance problem against seething throngs of Juggalos.
This story is 100 percent satire. Nothing you read here is remotely true. Happy April Fools’ Day.
This article appears in Mar 28 – Apr 3, 2018.