Image via Huffington Post

“THIS BIG,” is how well-hung Jeb Bush allegedly thought that the film rental business was for Florida during his tenure as governor, reports Washington D.C. political gossip (and reporting!) website the Hill. The story goes something like this: Before the entire industry of be-kind-rewind movie rental crashed at the end of last decade, one of its casualties – Movie Gallery, which closed up shop in 2010 – received $1.3 million from Florida’s pension fund by way of stock investments. It’s actually a pretty funny yarn, one with Roadhouse-style brooding and Planes, Trains and Automobiles hilarity attached. This latest attack on our friend Jeb, who is not really our friend, stems from his transparency volley of releasing 280,000 emails. And as the International Business Times reports, some of the emails revealed some, uh, friction between Bush and his conservative base, because Bush was digging into the $149 billion in state pension funds without considering how deep and hard that deal could be for Bush. (ENOUGH WITH THE SEX JOKES – ed.) 

Seriously, though, there is an uproar, or there was back when we had VCRs, because investing in Movie Gallery was akin to investing in human trafficking by way of pornography; Movie Gallery was one of those strip mall salivation points that offered a dark room in back with big boobs and giant cocks on rectangular boxes, after all. Adults only! Bush, cough, was put in a pickle when he had to decide between booming business and certain constituencies that don’t like to think about sex without every drop of semen making a baby. And if it seems like a tempest in a teapot – it is – there appears to be an active campaign to attach Bush to bush and make way for real social conservative (crazy people) like Ted Cruz and Rick Santorum (more sex jokes here). Can’t wait for those political ads! From the Times:

“In a mass email, AFA founder Donald Wildmon touted his group’s new website www.stopmoviegalleryporn.com, and urged the AFA’s 200,000 members to sign a petition and express their anger at Bush for moving $1.3 million of state money into the company.”

“Movie Gallery shades hundreds of its stores with ‘back rooms,’ filled with thousands of videos and magazines exhibiting morbid depictions of sex,” Wildmon wrote. “By investing in Movie Gallery stock, the state of Florida is giving its stamp of approval on hard-core porn. Tell the Florida Board of Administration to get out of the porn business by divesting itself of Movie Gallery stock.”

Related Stories

This article appears in May 6-12, 2015.