Premieres Wednesday:
Wednesday — The back end of Season 2 welcomes Lady Gaga as Nevermore Academy instructor Rosaline Rotwood. So we’re just coming out and admitting that this thing is basically Harry Potter now, huh? Because with a name like that, she couldn’t be more of a J.K. Rowling creation if she were monitoring the girls’ bathrooms to see who was packing a wand. (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday:
Countdown: Canelo vs. Crawford — Josh Brolin and Diego Luna narrate a docuseries that takes us behind the scenes of next week’s biggest fight. I mean, unless Taylor and Travis unexpectedly call it quits. (Netflix)
NCIS: Tony & Ziva — The first installment in the NCIS franchise to not air on CBS is a spinoff that finds former agents DiNozzo and David living in France and running a security company. And since it’s only being shown on Paramount+, that means none of us decent people are going to know what happens unless it becomes a plot point on South Park, right? (Paramount+)
The Paper — The folks who brought us The Office return with another single-camera mockumentary series that chronicles life within a dying industry. This time, it’s the newspaper business that’s the fulcrum for ridicule. And suddenly, I’m not seeing what’s so funny. (Peacock)
Pokémon Concierge — Haru’s job at the Pokémon Resort gets more complicated in these new episodes, when a guest arrives who forces her to confront the shadowy details of her personal history. Even worse, he won’t stop bitching that his room is too far from the ice machine. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday:
The Great British Baking Show — It’s Season 13 for the show that’s known as The Great British Bake-Off back home but can’t use that name here because “bake-off” is a registered trademark of the Pillsbury Co. Why are we bothering with tariffs when there are such better ways to f*** with these people? (Netflix)
Dish It Out — Gordon Ramsay’s daughter Tilly gets her own show, in which she’ll spotlight innovative recipes from top chefs and other modern-day luminaries. And then her dad will come on to explain why they’re all offal on a plate and everybody responsible should be shipped off to Uganda. (Prime Video)
Inspector Zende — An escaped serial killer is on the loose in 1980s Mumbai, in what might be the unlikeliest Bollywood dramedy of the week. That is, unless somebody has a musical about Aileen up their sleeve. (Netflix)
Memphis to the Mountain — A group of Tennessee climbers accepts the challenge of scaling an extinct volcano in Kenya. At least they told them it’s extinct. If this show were on Shudder, there’s no telling what might happen! (Hulu)
Most Wanted: Teen Hacker — Learn the secrets of a computer-savvy kid who managed to ground a major airline flight, take PlayStation offline and pull off the swatting of an FBI agent. But then he got jumped by a bunch of teenage girls in Washington, D.C., and we all had to pay through the nose for it. (HBO Max)
Premieres Saturday:
Confidence Queen — Korea offers its own take on the hit Japanese series about a crafty woman who forms a team of experts to play Robin Hood against the corrupt. And if that in turn strikes you as uncomfortably reminiscent of Leverage, you obviously don’t understand the global entertainment economy. Honestly, it’s like you never bought a DVD off a blanket in a major subway station. (Prime Video)
Premieres Sunday:
The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity — Romeo and Juliet meets Titletown High in an anime blender, as a couple of kids struggle to forge a relationship despite coming from rival schools. Although with that title, what we have here could just as easily be a brand of Japanese cigarettes. (Netflix)
Premieres Monday:
Dr. Seuss’s Red Fish, Blue Fish — A new spate of programming based on the classic kidlit author’s works begins with an animated series for preschoolers, in which the title characters explore the idea of opposite concepts. You know, like “French Resistance” and an “artist’s cooperative.” (Netflix)
Her Mother’s Killer — Season 2 of this political thriller began airing in its native Colombia all the way back in May. So if you know anyone who’s already binged the 40-plus episodes that have dropped so far, tell them we don’t want any spoilers, please. And for God’s sake, get them some help with their cocaine problem! (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday:
Guts + Glory — Walking Dead kingpin Greg Nicotero presents a reality competition that spurs the contestants to conquer their deepest, darkest fears. Which is kind of what’s already going on on Love Island, if your greatest fear happens to be emotional intimacy. (Shudder and AMC+)
Jordan Jensen: Take Me With You — The Brooklyn-based comic uses her first hour-long special to skewer the problematic concept of “self love.” Hey, “problematic” doesn’t begin to cover it. How can one activity ruin Paul Reubens’ career but make Sabrina Carpenter a superstar? (Netflix)
Kiss or Die — More genre-bending fun from the Japanese, with a bunch of male comedians having to improv their way through elaborate scenarios that hopefully end with them delivering the perfect kiss. But if they succumb to the temptation of grabbing a “cheap” snog with an eager co-star, they’re eliminated immediately. If the moral distinction there eludes you, you can always opt for the simplicity and clarity of watching someone on Shudder eat a bowl full of worms. (Netflix)
Only Murders in the Building Season 5 — The death of Lester the doorman plunges our intrepid sleuths into the shadowy network of criminal interests that truly runs Manhattan. But don’t worry, because all of that is going to change as soon as Andrew Cuomo has the commie bumped off. (Hulu)
Thirst Trap — Learn the plight of TikTok sensation William White, whose followers developed an unhealthy emotional obsession with him. Fortunately, with the help of extensive and sympathetic psychological counseling, they all turned out OK, and now they run fan clubs for entirely AI pop bands. (Paramount+)