NOTE: All premiere dates remain subject to change as the writers’ strike continues. Also, there will be no peace as long as that dog Don Carlos goes unpunished for the murder of my family.
Premieres Wednesday:
Break Point — Part 2 of the tennis docuseries follows some of the titans of the sport to the most important events on their circuit. Destinations include Wimbledon, Eastbourne International, and finally, the private court of some tech billionaire who decided letting his wife harass her coach was a harmless alternative to alimony. (Netflix)
Secret Invasion — The 2008 comics event becomes a streaming series that pits Samuel L. Jackson’s Nick Fury against a worldwide infiltration of Skrulls. In the comic, that agenda extended to surreptitiously replacing some of the biggest heroes in the Marvel pantheon, but in the MCU, a lot of those characters are either dead or too pricey for TV. So get set for stealth doppelgängers of some folks you wouldn’t be surprised to find out are aliens anyway, like politicians and Evangeline Lilly. (Disney+)
Premieres Thursday:
And Just Like That … — The return of John Corbett’s Aidan was going to be the big story of Season 2, until word leaked that Kim Cattrall had shot a cameo as Samantha. But how will fans react when they find out this Samantha is an alternate-universe version who builds houses for Habitat for Humanity and hosts a celibacy podcast? (Max)
The Bear — Carmy undertakes an extreme makeover in Season 2, turning his late brother’s sandwich shop into a restaurant of his own. The 300 grand he found in those tomato-sauce cans should cover at least half the cost of paying off the inspectors. (Hulu)
Downey’s Dream Cars — Robert Downey Jr. puts his money where his muffler is, conscripting a team of experts to convert his fleet of classic ’60s and ’70s cars to eco-friendly operation. That guy never stops thinking big, does he? This has got to be the best thing he’s done for the world since Ultron. (Max)
Glamorous — At the very same time she’s making a surprise visit to the Carrieverse over on Max (see above), Kim Cattrall is launching her own Netflix series about a cosmetics magnate who hires a young, queer makeup artist (Miss Benny). Not sure I’d be stepping on my own P.R. like that, but given that Netflix is the biggest holdout in the writers’ strike, maybe she means it as some kind of sneaky show of solidarity with the WGA. Watch the credits closely and see if she shares her password. (Netflix)
Skull Island — The MonsterVerse gets its first series spinoff, encompassing the animated adventures of explorers who get stranded on the home island of Kong and his coterie. There’s also a live-action series coming to Apple TV+. And if Mothra learns to flip houses, he could get on Max. (Netflix)
That Peter Crouch Film — This official documentary chronicles the early days of the English football legend, who set the Premier League record for headed goals despite the potentially crippling handicap of being the tallest player in its history. And you thought Temple Grandin had to overcome adversity? Now you know better! (Prime Video)
Premieres Friday:
Catching Killers — At press time, it hadn’t been announced which cold-blooded murderers are going to be profiled in Season 3. So if you’re looking to get famous, you could still squeeze in under the wire. (Netflix)
I’m a Virgo — Boots Riley, the auteur behind Sorry to Bother You, finds more surreal terrain to mine in a series that follows the travails of a 13-foot-tall man and his lifetime of ostracization. Seriously, why is this week hammering us with how hard it is to be tall? Try being 5-foot-7 sometime. I can get dizzy just standing on ceremony. (Prime Video)
The Last Drive-In With Joe Bob Briggs — The back end of Season 5 brings more cinema schlock, in celebration of the 90th anniversary of the American drive-in. I doubt anyone is going to be this excited when RPX nears 100. (Shudder)
Make Me Believe — The Turks are at it again, “shipping” us a romcom about former childhood sweethearts who get back together thanks to some well-intentioned meddling by their respective grandmothers. In an even sweeter twist, the whole scheme is just a plot to get the kids out of the country with their families’ heirloom jewelry smuggled in their colons. (Netflix)
¡Number Number: Jozi Gold — The return of South African cops Chili and Shoes finds them tasked with cracking the biggest gold heist in the history of Johannesburg. That is, if a moral quandary doesn’t get in the way of their work. Hey, that’s cute. Over here, the biggest internal conflict cops face is which of your taillights to knock out if you didn’t give to the PBA. (Netflix)
The Perfect Find — Fashion journo Gabrielle Union learns the meaning of squirm when she’s forced to work alongside her boss’ kid, whom she just happens to have made out with at a party. So it’s kind of like the Rudy Giuliani story, except everything was consensual and there are Black people in it. (Netflix)
Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series Part 3 — The Masters Eight Tournament pits Ash and Pikachu against a series of fierce competitors, culminating in a World Championship faceoff between Ash and Leon. If you can’t distinguish that synopsis from Season 3 of Break Point, you clearly have no children you’ve chosen to acknowledge. (Netflix)
Quicksand — You know that meme that says childhood makes it seem as if quicksand is going to be a bigger problem than it turns out to be? Well, nobody told the Colombians, who’ve made an entire horror/suspense flick about a married couple getting stuck in the stuff. What’s more, the two of them weren’t getting along to begin with. Plus, there’s also a snake bearing down on them! Now that’s a trifecta they didn’t prepare you for on F Troop. (Shudder)
Swagger — Season 2 of the Kevin Durant-inspired coming-of-age drama has our young basketballers enrolling at a lily-white prep school, where they make the hoops program a winning proposition almost overnight. They could probably also work miracles on the homecoming floats, but y’all are too racist to wanna watch that for eight episodes. (Apple TV+)
Through My Window: Across the Sea — The Spanish YA romance Through My Window gets a sequel, with young lovers Ares and Raquel trying to rekindle their affair after a year apart. Hey, a year is a long time to kids nowadays. They should just be grateful they both still have the same gender identification. (Netflix)
An Unforgettable Year: Spring — The quartet of seasonally themed flicks concludes with the story of a high-school girl who can’t graduate without passing math — but learns something else in the bargain. Let me guess: She learns how to avoid quicksand. (Prime Video)
World’s Best — When an Indian-American math whiz discovers that rap is in his blood, much freewheeling musical comedy ensues. And by “freewheeling musical comedy,” I actually mean “one of the tinier subplots from Mean Girls getting ripped off wholesale.” Looks like Kevin G gotta cut a bitch! (Disney+)
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This article appears in Jun 21-27, 2023.