CAVEAT VIDENTIUM: All premiere dates remain subject to change as long as the writers' strike is in effect. And until you finally break down and call your mom!
Premieres Wednesday:
American Born Chinese — Newly minted Oscar winners Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan are in the cast of this graphic-novel adaptation, which sees a high-schooler conscripted to battle mythical Chinese deities. Yes, we've come a long way since you couldn't get a show like this off the ground because the only AAPI actor casting directors had in their Rolodex was James Hong. (Now you just have to thank him in the credits.) (Disney+)
Chip 'n' Dale: Park Life — Everybody's favorite chipmunk life partners are back for a second season of hoarding acorns and stuff. Guest stars this time include Donald Duck, Goofy and whichever surrogate Moms for Liberty sends in to make sure they don't spoon. (Disney+)
The Clearing — Aussie stars Teresa Palmer, Miranda Otto and Guy Pearce headline a series based on the real-life cult The Family and its leader, Anne Hamilton-Byrne, who fancied herself the reincarnation of Christ. Kind of seems to be a thing with these people, but I guess you don't get many followers if you say you're the second coming of Miss Cleo. (Hulu)
Intertwined — In Season 2 of the time-hopping Argentine series, Marco gets hurtled from the '90s to 2021, and what he finds there amazes him. But let's be honest: The first time you caught a whiff of Erykah Badu's vagina-scented incense, it changed your life too. (Disney+)
Platonic — Mending fences with former best friend Rose Byrne has dire consequences for Seth Rogen in a comedy series that's a cautionary tale for everybody. Particularly for Rogen, if he ever thinks of pulling James Franco out from under the bus. (Apple TV+)
The Ultimatum: Queer Love — This time, it's a bunch of women in same-sex relationships who have to decide whether to double down on their commitment or move on. Which, as any lesbian will tell you, is always the hardest part of the first date. (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday:
100 Years of Warner Bros. — Four documentary specials chronicle the history of the studio that gave us Casablanca, Batman and Harry Potter, plus a few properties David Zaslav hasn't yet sold off to Amazon. (Max)
Fubar — All manner of complications ensue for a man and his daughter when each realizes the other is an undercover CIA agent. Star Arnold Schwarzenegger is making his "scripted series debut," which I guess means we're all pretending The Apprentice was totally on the level now. (Netflix)
The Kardashians — Khloe struggles with the curse of melanoma in Season 3. Ever supportive, Kim cites her divorce from Ye as proof you can cut out a cancer if you really have to. (Hulu)
VGLY — Mexican pop star Natanael Cano turns actor to co-star in a Spanish-language series about up-and-coming rappers. It'll be kind of appropriate if the show proves to be his 8 Mile, since that's about the amount of wall Trump was able to build. (Max)
Premieres Friday:
Barbecue Showdown: Season 2 — Eight more barbecue chefs go head to head, smokin' that meat in the hopes they'll be crowned champion pitmaster. Anybody else think Netflix dropped the ball by not holding that Waco documentary until now? Seems like a real missed opportunity for cross-promotion. (Netflix)
Blood & Gold — Germany looks back on those madcap final days of World War II in a dark comedy about a Nazi soldier who tries to grab himself a little treasure while the Reich is collapsing. I hope that lovable scamp gets away with it, because I always root for the unterhünd. (Netflix)
Influencer — A social-media wannabe gets more than she bargained for when a fellow vacationer promises to show her some of Thailand's lesser-known locales. Given the reputation for safety and security that's attached to most of the better-known ones, this sounds like it should make for a pleasant 45 minutes. (Shudder)
Kendra Sells Hollywood: Season 2 —Former Hefner sex slave Kendra Wilkinson has big numbers to pull in if she wants to be a successful real-estate agent, but first she has to win over clients who aren't inclined to trust someone they've seen nude. Yes, these are the priorities that make Los Angeles the shining beacon of economic pragmatism it is. (Max)
Turn of the Tide — Opportunity knocks for five Portuguese friends when a boatful of cocaine washes up practically on their doorstep. The only significant obstacle: Can they outrun a bear? (Netflix)
Where the Tracks End — A committed teacher conducts her lessons out of a converted railway car in a Mexican drama that's Dangerous Minds meets ... um, Strangers on a Train? Snowpiercer? The Northbound Sunrail after the next education budget goes through? (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday:
Siren: Survive the Island — The latest Korean competition show takes a bunch of women from tough, physically demanding walks of life and makes them fight for supremacy on a remote island. You will never convince me this isn't the way Elon got that new CEO. (Netflix)
