‘Our Flag Means Death,’ the best queer pirate workplace romcom series on TV, finally returns this week

Plus everything else new on Max, Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu and the rest of the streamers

Can Ed, ahem, Blackbeard and Stede make it work?
Can Ed, ahem, Blackbeard and Stede make it work? image courtesy Max

(NOTE: All premiere dates remain subject to change as long as the actors' strike continues. Meanwhile, over at the Writers' Guild, it's Chivas and NFTs for everybody!)

Premieres Wednesday:

Beckham — Actor-turned-director Fisher Stevens brings us a four-part docuseries about the U.K. football legend who made sports history with Manchester United, then scuttled his entire legacy by teaching a generation of men that man buns were somehow acceptable. (Netflix)

Race to the Summit — Follow rival climbers on a dizzying race up the north face of the Swiss Alps. Destined to take a place of honor next to Man on Wire on your "At Least I'm Not a Damn Fool" playlist. (Netflix)

Premieres Thursday:

Bargain — A bunch of South Koreans are trapped in a motel by an earthquake and have to learn to negotiate with one another to survive. But tensions are bound to flare when they realize the only shows they can get on the TV are from South Korea. (Paramount+)

Everything Now — Fresh out of the hospital after being treated for anorexia, a British teen draws up a bucket list of things she needs to do to catch up in life. In this context, I'm assuming "bucket list" refers to KFC. (Netflix)

Lupin — Season 3 finds antihero Assane Diop thinking of beating a bogus murder rap by leaving France and taking his family with him. Listen, Assane, nobody said you had to give us a reason. (Netflix)

Marvel's Loki — Season 2 promises even weirder time-hopping escapades, with Sophia DiMartino's Sylvie clearing her head by working at a McDonald's in 1982. Chaos ensues when she invents the McFlurry 13 years early and then becomes the first person to break the machine five minutes later. (Disney+)

Our Flag Means Death — Can gay pirates Stede and Ed rekindle their scuttled romance in Season 2? Or will they just be left playing with their dinghies? (Max)

Premieres Friday:

Austin City Limits Music Festival — Now through Sunday, enjoy a livestream of the top acts at ACL's first weekend including Kendrick Lamar, Foo Fighters and Mumford & Sons. There's also livecam of a confused divorcee staggering around the parking lot at a Winn-Dixie. Oh sorry, that's Shania Twain! (Hulu)

Ballerina — A lady bodyguard who's an expert in martial arts goes on a mission of revenge on behalf of her dead best friend. And guess where it all takes place? If you said "South Korea," you've been paying attention. If you said "Muncie, Indiana," you've drastically overestimated the fun to be had in that town. (Netflix)

A Deadly Invitation — Comedy and suspense are both in the offing when a Mexican woman tries to apply what she's learned from true-crime stories to solving the murder of her sister. I'm sure this is going to turn out as well as the love lives of everybody who took their cues from Must Love Dogs. (Netflix)

Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe — Take a cold, hard look at a Michigan-based dating service that's said to exert an extreme level of control over its users — like convincing gay and trans members to change their identification. Listen, you're not going to land Tim Scott without putting in the work. (Prime Video)

Fair Play — A clandestine romance between hedge-fund employees turns sour when she gets a promotion and he doesn't. I think this calls for a sweeping, symbolic gesture on somebody's part. And I think that gesture is "Mojo Dojo Casa House." (Netflix)

Undead Unluck — Another hit manga turned anime, this one exploring the bond between a young woman who can't stop killing people and a guy who'd love to die but can't. Somebody really dropped the ball if the soundtrack isn't by Taylor Swift, because that sounds like every one of her relationships right there. (Hulu)

Totally Killer — It's Halloween meets Back to the Future as a teen who's being stalked by a psycho killer is catapulted back to the start of his murderous career. For help, she turns to the teenage version of her own mother — so maybe the sweet spot here is really Peggy Sue Got Gutted Like a Fish? (Prime Video)

V/H/S/85 — The sixth installment in the found-footage horror series takes us back to the '80s, with storylines including the struggle of a camera crew against a natural disaster and science's effort to understand a boy who's unhealthily obsessed with watching TV. Come on, it was the '80s! Like there was anything else to do! (Shudder)

Premieres Monday:

The Mill — Lil Rel Howery makes a return to culturally symbolic genre pictures in his role as a businessman who suddenly finds himself a workhorse in a desolate prison yard. Shot in New Jersey, because that's exactly what it's like there. (Hulu)

Stranded With My Mother-in-Law — Brazilian programming shows its sadistic side (there's another?), sending six couples to a deserted island to compete for big bucks and then springing it on them that their mothers-in law are going to be involved too. Now we can all breathe a sigh of relief that, after Temptation Island and The Ultimatum, the reality genre has finally completed the triumvirate "fuck, marry, kill." (Netflix)

Premieres Tuesday:

Last One Standing — It's Season 2 for the hit Japanese hybrid show that makes comedians punch up a crime-drama story with off-the-cuff gags. Poor David Caruso pioneered this years ago, but he didn't know he was doing it. (Netflix)

Mr. Dressup: The Magic of Make-Believe — Canadian show-biz stars salute the enduring influence of kids' TV legend Ernie "Mr. Dressup" Coombs, who was a mainstay of their country's culture for three decades. Next month: Carly Rae Jepsen honors the legacy of Chilliwack! (Prime Video)

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