'Don't Move' drops Friday on Netflix Credit: photo courtesy Netflix

Premieres Wednesday:

Car Masters: Rust to Riches — In their sixth season, the folks at Gotham Garage extend their car-rehabbing operations to luxury vehicles. And as a palate cleanser, they’ll help a Cybertruck attain its true destiny as a dorm refrigerator. (Netflix)

The Comeback: The 2004 Red Sox — Players and front-office types alike recall what it took for their team to return to World Series glory after 86 years. A fun animated segment will take us directly into David Ortiz’ bloodstream for an informative interview with steroids. (Netflix)

Family Pack — Jean Reno headlines a comedy based on a French board game, in which a modern-day family is whisked away to a medieval landscape beset by werewolves. Christ, remind me to stick to Risk with these people, because at least in that one they fold early. (Netflix)

Ink Master — Season 16 pairs veteran tattoo artists with newbies who have been working in the field for less than 10 years. Aww! There’s nothing as heartwarming as watching a fresh-faced young pup cause his first case of hepatitis. (Paramount+)

This Is the Zodiac Speaking — A California family tries to do what law enforcement couldn’t by proving a man they knew quite well was the Zodiac Killer. Listen, even if they’re wrong, I don’t blame them: I feel like turning in everyone I know who believes in astrology. (Netflix)

Premieres Thursday:

The Pasta Queen — Italian pasta heiress Nadia Caterina Munno scours the countryside for fresh ingredients, then shows how you can incorporate them into your own recipes. And over on Max, they’re revealing some amazing things you can do with Lunchables. (Prime Video)

Star Trek: Lower Decks — The fifth and final season finds our crew of misfits patching up potholes in space while they await their promotion to more prestigious jobs in Starfleet. Meanwhile, Federation FEMA has no funds left for supernova relief, because they spent it all buying the votes of the Andorians. (Paramount+)

Territory — The battle for ownership of an Australian cattle station is the central theme of this drama that’s being hyped as Down Under’s answer to Yellowstone. And now I’m really worried somebody is working on New Zealand’s answer to Velma. (Netflix)

Tyler Perry’s Beauty in Black Part 1 — Perry’s latest is a lot like The Prince and the Pauper — except it’s set in Atlanta, one of the characters is the heir to a hair-care dynasty, and the other is a stripper who just got thrown out of the house by her mom. Other than that, my man Sam Clemens better watch his ass! (Netflix)

Premieres Friday:

Before — Billy Crystal stars as a child psychologist whose troubled new patient may have a supernatural connection to his recently deceased wife. I’m calling it now: The big reveal is that she and Jason Segel’s ex faked their deaths to run a B&B together in Provincetown. (Apple TV+)

Do Patti — Producer Kriti Sanon plays a dual role in the story of an Indian cop who realizes the top “suspect” in a murder she’s investigating is a actually a set of twins. If you want to know how bad things are getting over at Netflix, the Menendez brothers slapped this one with an automatic C&D before they could realize their mistake. (Netflix)

Don’t Move — The horror unfolds in real time as a psychopath (Finn Wittrock) injects a random woman with a compound that makes her entire system gradually shut down. Only 85 minutes to find out what utter paralysis feels like? Shit, that’s a lot less of your time than Francis Ford Coppola is asking for. (Netflix)

Hellbound Season 2 — Back from hell after a few years, cult leader Jung Jinsu tries to determine if his return to the land of the living is a blessing or a curse. I guess it depends on how many of his favorite shows Netflix canceled in the interim. (Netflix)

Hijack ’93 — Nigerian history yields a suspense drama in which four freedom fighters take a plane hostage to protest the suspension of open elections in their country. You mean if DeSantis tries to throw out the 2024 results, we’re morally justified in wreaking havoc at MCO? How would anybody tell? (Netflix)

‘The Last Night at Tremore Beach’ premieres Friday on Netflix Credit: photo courtesy Netflix

The Last Night at Tremore Beach — A composer of movie soundtracks begins to have some disturbing visions about the married couple who live next door to his beach house. Relax, Hans Zimmer, they just saw you from across the bar and were wondering if they could buy you a drink. (Netflix)

Like a Dragon: Yakuza — The hit SEGA franchise becomes a live-action gangster epic that straddles the years 1995 and 2005. Or, respectively, the year you started playing video games and the year you began to realize you were wasting your life. (Prime Video)

The Remarkable Life of Ibelin — In this eye-opening documentary, the loved ones of a recently deceased disabled Norwegian learn that he had been leading a richly rewarding parallel life in World of Warcraft. Among the other shattering revelations: He had denied his birthright to play under the name LEEROY JENKINS. (Netflix)

Simone Biles: Rising — Part 2 of the docuseries follows Biles as she once again makes Team USA and heads to Paris for a rendezvous with Olympic glory. Oh, sure; but when I take an unscheduled break from my day job for the sake of my mental health, I get accused of abandoning a toll plaza. (Netflix)

Premieres Sunday:

Special Ops: Lioness — Zoe Saldaña, Morgan Freeman and Nicole Kidman welcome a fresh recruit in Season 2, as the CIA faces a frightening new threat to our national security. It wasn’t too long ago we would have assumed the CIA was that threat, but the target audience of this show is people who thought JAG was for soyboys. (Paramount+)

Premieres Tuesday:

Olivia Rodrigo: Guts World Tour — The 21-year-old superstar performs material from her two chart-topping albums in a concert filmed last August in her hometown of Los Angeles. Former castmate Joshua Bassett was there too, but you probably didn’t notice him if you already knew where your seat was. (Netflix)

Tom Papa: Home Free — For his third Netflix special, Tom joins the ranks of empty-nester comics who are using the stage to celebrate their emancipation from having kids around the house. Can’t wait for the inevitable spate of rebuttal specials from their soon-to-be ex-wives, who will happily make it clear the offspring were not the problem. (Netflix)


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