(NOTE: The striking writers and actors encourage you to keep watching their programs, to show the value of their work and keep the royalty checks coming. Talk about giving new meaning to “putting your two cents in.”)
Premieres Wednesday :
Baki Hanma: Season 2: The Tale of Pickle and the Pickle War Saga — The final season of the martial-arts anime gets underway, introducing to the story an ancient warrior found preserved in saline rock. An ancient warrior whose name just happens to be … Pickle. I’ve never had one preserved in rock before, but I bet it makes him less salty than if he had been found floating in brine. (Netflix)
The Great British Baking Show: The Professionals — Singer/TV personality Stacey Solomon replaces comedian Tom Allen as a co-presenter in Season 7. Baker Liam Charles is still in place as the other presenter, because what other job can a British pastry chef get? Taste tester to Paddington Bear? (Netflix)
The Hardy Boys Season 3 — The series comes to an end with 10 final episodes, just in time to introduce Bailee Madison as Drew Darrow, a spunky counterpart to Frank and Joe. And when I say “just in time,” I mean “just in time to get unfairly blamed for the show’s demise,” because that’s apparently always the chick’s job now. (Hulu)
Missing: The Lucie Blackman Case — Travel back to the year 2000 and join the hunt for a 21-year-old British woman who disappeared after going on a paid date in Tokyo. It’s a good thing it didn’t happen today, because she’d be 44 and the only people trying to reach her would be Colonial Penn insurance reps staring down the barrel of their monthly quota (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday:
The Croods: Family Tree — Christ almighty, we’re up to Season 7 now. Haven’t we gotten to the French Revolution yet? (Peacock and Hulu)
Happiness for Beginners — The novel by Katherine Center becomes a film, with Ellie Kemper in the lead role of a newly divorced woman who decides to hike the Appalachian Trail. I’m betting her marriage fell apart because her ex was also “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” but you’ll have to tell me because I don’t read books. (Netflix)
Harley Quinn — Now that Harley has decided she doesn’t want to be a villain anymore, what’s left for her to get up to in Season 4? And how will it affect her relationship with Poison Ivy, who’s still on the side of evil? If George and Kelly-Anne Conway couldn’t make it work, it’s all uphill for these two. (Max)
The Lady of Silence: The Mataviejitas Murders — The years 1998 to 2005 are covered in this documentary about Mexico’s first serial killer, who murdered dozens of elderly women and then defied expectations by turning out to be a female former wrestler. But I mean, who could have seen that coming? Those luchadoras seem so docile. (Netflix)
Looney Tunes Cartoons — Get your fill of Bugs and the gang, because this sixth season is the show’s last. And since GQ has shown us what happens to publications that criticize David Zaslav, I’m prepared to put the blame squarely on Pete Puma. (Max)
Mother Undercover — The true-crime genre gets a twist as courageous mothers become secret agents to protect their children from the likes of religious cults and rogue judges. Seems pretty inspiring, until you ask them about mask mandates. (Hulu)
Paradise — German-made sci-fi explores the idea of a world in which you can pay off your debts by turning over entire years of your life — or decades, if need be. Hear that, everybody? The Germans have discovered the concept of American student loans. (Netflix)
Twisted Metal — Pop quiz: Is this action-comedy series starring Anthony Mackie as a postapocalyptic delivery driver an adaptation of the video game of the same name? Or is it a light reboot of the SNL short about a fictitious gritty Mario Kart show? I know, it’s hard to tell. One hint is that SNL probably has a higher budget. (Peacock)
The Witcher: Season 3 Volume 2 — The final four episodes of this season are the last we’re going to see of Henry Cavill. Then again, “This is the last we’re going to see of Henry Cavill” is something even Henry Cavill has heard so many times that he probably made it his password on Threads. (Netflix)
Premieres Friday:
The Beanie Bubble — Zach Galifianakis, Elizabeth Banks, Sarah Snook and Geraldine Viswanathan play the inventors of Beanie Babies in a comedy that explores how our society distinguishes between the precious and the disposable. There should be a movie like this about Funko Pops, but you’d have to rent out Pinewood Studios to re-create the world’s tallest landfill. (Apple TV+)
Captain Fall — Jason Ritter provides the voice of a befuddled ship’s captain who gets caught up in an international smuggling scheme. And if that’s your kind of animated comedy, I’m sure Adult Swim can work up something about human trafficking. (Netflix)
D.P. — Suk Bong’s suicide at the end of Season 1 apparently hasn’t done much to soften the culture of abuse among our cast of South Korean military inductees, because relentless bullying is still the morale-sullying norm in these new eight episodes. But it’s gotta be better than being in the Russian army, because at least these guys haven’t fled their country. (Netflix)
Good Omens — A renegade angel turns up naked on Aziraphale’s doorstep in Season 2 of the show you can thank your lucky stars Moms for Liberty hasn’t tumbled to yet. Six episodes of resolute blasphemy, and it was even written by a Gai-man! (Prime Video)
How to Become a Cult Leader — Peter Dinklage narrates a six-episode docuseries that explains the psychic and emotional mechanics of mass manipulation, as presented in the form of a winking “how-to” guide. “Forget the winking, just get to the good stuff!” demands frustrated aspirant Ron DeSantis. (Netflix)
Miraculous: Ladybug & Cat Noir, the Movie — The French property about kid superheroes gets a feature-length prequel movie. Remarks Les Fiches du cinéma: “The animation and the Paris from a postcard are still just as attractive, but the story loses a bit of its soul by flirting with Disney.” Hey, speaking of losing your soul by flirting, MAURICE CHEVALIER SANG FOR HITLER. (Netflix)
A Perfect Story — And here’s yet another runaway-bride fable, with a young Spanish woman finding love in an unlikely place after ditching her groom at the altar. Just once, I’d like to see one of these stories told from the perspective of the poor sap who got dumped. All we’d have to do is apply some de-aging technology to Bill Pullman. (Netflix)
The Slumber Party — It’s The Hangover for kids, as a little bit of birthday-party hypnosis turns an innocent sleepover into a morning-after guessing game. On second thought, it sounds more like that sequel to Sound of Freedom got fast-tracked quicker than anybody expected. (Disney+)
This Fool — Season 2 finds Julio and Luis looking to make a change in their personal and professional lives after everything fell apart at the end of Season 1. On the bright side, since they have experience counseling members of outlaw gangs, they could probably work in HR at a tech firm. (Hulu)
Tomorrow X Together: Our Lost Summer — Go behind the scenes of the K-pop group’s 2022 world tour. Particularly impressive for the genre, they were able to pull it off with only five members rather than the customary 110. (Disney+)
Transformers: EarthSpark — The last seven episodes of Season 1 cement the Terrans’ place alongside the so-called “Legacy Transformers.” But does anybody really need the help of a bunch of trust-funders who only got in because their parents were Transformers? (Paramount+)
Premieres Monday:
American Nightmare: Becoming Cody Rhodes — The son of legendary wrestler Dusty Rhodes gets to tell his own story of stepping out of his father’s shadow to pursue the WWE championship belt. Honestly, if you go into wrestling, I’m kind of going to assume your dad has already given you the belt. (Peacock)
Bastard!! Heavy Metal, Dark Fantasy — Season 2 of the metal-inspired anime brings us such treats as a showdown between Kall-Su and the greatest wizard in the cosmos, the womanizing antichrist who goes by the name of Dark Schneider. (Guys, you shouldn’t have! I gladly would have accepted gift cards.) (Netflix)
Premieres Tuesday:
Untold: Jake Paul the Problem Child — Season 3 of the sports docuseries gets underway with a profile of the YouTube jackass turned boxer, whose career trajectory has encompassed just about every antisocial move you can make in the ’20s. Crypto fraud! COVID denialism! Alleged sexual assault! But I’m going to reserve judgment until somebody can prove he’s worn Crocs. (Netflix)
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This article appears in Jul 26 – Aug 1, 2023.