TOURISTY CATCH
My favorite dining companion, whom I’ll refer to as the Impatient Gourmet, pulled us into Downtown Disney’s sea of parking. Towering structures loomed over the cars and I robotically looked around, taking note of section and row. We followed the herd that was moving toward the replicated riverboat that long ago was called the Empress…
NEW BREED OF FAST FOOD
Fast food sure ain’t what it used to be. These days, urban slackers have clusters of “fast-casual eateries” to satisfy their immediate demands, like the one in front of Target on East Colonial Drive. First came the drive-through Starbucks, then Chipotle and now the snazzy Pei Wei Asian Diner (prounounced pay-way), operated by P.F. Chang’s.…
GRATEFULLY GORED
Oxes Label: Monitor Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Oxes The ongoing recorded evolution of reigning smartass kings Oxes makes it more and more difficult to separate the smart from the ass. Complete genius or utter bullshit? Who cares anymore? The new Oxes EP continues the trio’s streak of sublimely stupid-funny cover artwork – guitarist Marc Miller and…
Cru
Cru Label: Wrasse Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Cru Though the name may not instantly ring bells, as soon as Jorge chimes in on “Tive Razão” with his unmistakable voice and guitar style, most listeners will likely be expecting some David Bowie lyrics to follow. It sort of sucks that the only way Jorge could achieve notoriety…
2012
2012 Label: K Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: 2012 If Old Time Relijun frontman Arrington de Dionyso had his own revival tent, it’d be a ghastly thing to behold: all untanned, bloody animal hides, a hardscrabble pulpit and feral-eyed congregants. De Dionyso brings a fevered, missionary zeal to whatever he chooses to rant about (secular and decidedly…
Singles. Period.
Singles. Period. Label: Touch & Go Rated: NONE WorkNameSort: Singles. Period. If someone ever wants to start a fight with me, the quickest way would be to question my contention that The Ex are one of the 10 best bands to ever stalk the planet. Listening to this 23-track collection – spanning “The Vinyl Years…
OPRAH’S BEAR CUB
An Unfinished Life Studio: Miramax Films Rated: PG-13 Website: http://www.miramax.com/anunfinishedlife/ Release Date: 2005-09-09 Cast: Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Lopez, Josh Lucas, Becca Gardner Director: Lasse Hallstrom Screenwriter: Mark Spragg, Virginia Spragg WorkNameSort: Unfinished Life, An Our Rating: 2.00 Well, the summer movie season is over and the kids have gone back to school. Now…
GAP KIDS
This Divided State Studio: Minority Films Rated: NOT RATED Website: http://www.thisdividedstate.com/ Release Date: 2005-09-08 Cast: Kay Anderson, Michael Moore, Sean Hannity, Joe Vogel, Jim Bassi Director: Steven Greenstreet WorkNameSort: This Divided State Our Rating: 2.00 In the fall of 2004, Michael Moore was invited to speak at Utah Valley State College in Orem, Utah. The…
A Sound of Thunder
A Sound of Thunder Studio: Warner Brothers Rated: PG-13 Website: http://asoundofthunder.warnerbros.com/ Release Date: 2005-09-09 Cast: Edward Burns, Catherine McCormack, Ben Kingsley, Jemima Rooper, David Oyelowo Director: Peter Hyams Screenwriter: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer, Gregory Poirier WorkNameSort: Sound of Thunder, A Our Rating: 1.00 A Ray Bradbury story about the consequences of time travel becomes…
Transporter 2
Transporter 2 Studio: Twentieth Century Fox Rated: PG-13 Website: http://www.transporter2movie.com/ Release Date: 2005-09-09 Cast: Jason Statham, Alessandro Gassman, Amber Valletta, Kate Nauta, Matthew Modine Director: Louis Leterrier Screenwriter: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen WorkNameSort: Transporter 2 Our Rating: 3.00 With an impossibly shiny underground set-to between Über-driver Frank Martin (Jason Statham) and some cartoon baddies…
REMAIN IN YOUR HOMES!
Like all right-thinking people, I’ve been deeply shaken by the tragic sights and sounds of the past week. Panicked flood victims airlifted from their homes. Proud communities subjected to the cold hand of martial law. Distraught husbands crying for wives who have gone missing. And through the parade of televised carnage, I’ve kept my sanity…
Notable Noise
People have been talking quite a bit about Will’s Pub lately and frankly, it’s been for the wrong reason. Will’s will be closing sometime, but so will most of the other businesses in this town. (Except Disney; they’ll be selling turkey legs to cockroaches while the snows of a nuclear winter blanket Space Mountain.) Yes,…
SHE DOESN’T GET THAT FEELING
How can I tell if I’m asexual? Is it a legitimate orientation or am I just a seething ball of neuroses? Sex does nothing for me. I can’t orgasm (even when I attempt masturbation), so my husband doesn’t go there. That’s fine by me. I HATE my people-parts; I find them utterly icky. At any…
GOODBYE, FAMILY
Dear friends and family: How are you? Fine, I hope. I am writing to let you know that as of … mmmm … right about now, I want nothing to do with you for the next three months. And stop looking at me like I just spit in your mouth. You know as well as…
A PUNCH IN THE FACE
AUG. 29, 8 P.M.: A 21-year-old man was hanging by himself at the homestead on the aforementioned evening in the 2000 block of Dixie Belle Drive. His night of leisure, however, was about to come to an end. The silence of an eve spent nestled on the living room couch was shattered when seven unknown…
BANGING THE DRUMS
London’s Kieran Hebden, operating as Four Tet, seems to be chasing the vanishing afternoon sun during the soul-happy beats of Everything Ecstatic, his new collection of wordless, uptempo electronica on Domino Records. On his fourth record, Hebden still explores a love for jazz, techno and psych, but his travels find him steeped in drum country,…
TRUE LIES
You’ve seen this all before; you’ve never seen anything nothing quite like it. A young writer makes a splash with his debut about partying rich kids. Success brings more money. More money brings more friends. More friends brings more drugs. More drugs brings more sex. Guys sleep with gals, guys sleep with guys. People fuck,…
GONZO GOODBYE
Awake for days, I stumble through the Aspen airport in search of my rental car. My rollaway luggage has a lopsided wheel, which hobbles in tune with my staggering pace. The lanyards around my neck – fake press credentials to help me get inside a closed event – swing to and fro like a metronome…
UNCLE SAM REALLY WANTS YOU
When President Bush declared an end to major combat missions in Iraq in May 2003, every branch of the armed services was on its way to a full recruiting class. The military, after barreling through Iraq in 42 days with fewer than expected casualties, had no problem signing up America’s youth for the fight. But…
DISAPPEARING BEAUTY
Florida has a lot of natural treasures, not the least of which is the fabled River of Grass – the Everglades – a unique natural treasure that almost tops the list of areas that should be protected. But in a state run so completely by pro-business Republicans, it should surprise no one that the idea…
Happytown
You probably missed it – thanks to the buried 148 words that appeared in the Aug. 31 Orlando Sentinel – but Florida just hired a fundie nutbar to be its K-12 education chancellor. (Surprise!) Cheri Yecke comes to us from Minnesota, where, as the Sentinel notes, the state senate canned her in 2004 because she…
Letters
Our noodly master Please let me thank you for your article on intelligent design [“Battle Royale!” Sept. 1]. I have read many discussions on this argument and I am happy to see this discussion is becoming more and more mainstream. If teaching intelligent design becomes absolutely necessary and the schools must fill our children’s brains…
Rob Brezny’s Free Will Astrology
ARIES (March 21-April 19) When I was 19, a masked gunman pumped a load of buckshot into my hip after a student demonstration. To this day, I have 43 pieces of metal in my body. What kind of metal? That’s an important question. Until I find out the answer, I can never get an MRI.…
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
I think I’ve just committed some sort of eighth-grade crime. I just had dinner at an Indian restaurant off I-Drive where there was a framed, signed photograph of The Cure (and one of Bill Frist, oddly), and now I’m about to sit down with super-suave crooning coif Martin Fry of ABC, who would never be…
