A late Halloween treat: Chuckie Taylor going bye-bye
Almost forgot to share this one! (Thanks, Deanna, for the heads up) Last month, I reported in Happytownâ?¢ the tragic tale of Orlando’s Chuckie Taylor who, upon graduating from Evans High School, went on to torture and slaughter people in Liberia. So proud. Well, now we get the great news that Taylor has been convicted…
REVIEW:CLUB:Ember
With an indoor and outdoor bar, Ember has eaten the remains of Kate O’Briens and turned it into a fashionable adult hangout with a Mediterranean piazza theme. The oh-so-sexy bar staff serves up reasonably priced drinks, which is sur-prising given the expensive look of the place. Ember also has a chic menu serving bar food…
The Onion or Peggy Noonan? You decide!
Which one is the Onion and which is Peggy Noonan’s Wall Street Journal pseudo-hedging half-endorsement of Barack Obama? A) Unless citizens throughout America keep him in their thoughts, say his name to themselves over and over, and otherwise believe in him with all their might, Barack Obama may cease to exist, the candidate warned supporters…
Breaking! Obama secret Muslim communist Manchurian candidate!
No, really. If it’s on WorldNetDaily, it must be true. Barack Obama was programmed for years by his atheist, Muslim (Ed note: isn’t that an inherent contradiction?) father, by the communist sex pervert Frank Marshall Davis, by con man Tony Rezko, by domestic terrorist Bill Ayers and others â?? most of all by black liberation…
Joaquin Phoenix just wants to make music, man
Not content to emerge from his tragic brother’s long shadow and child-actordom and establish an esteemed reputation as an activist and accomplished actor (twice nominated for an Academy Award, besting his brother’s one nod), Joaquin Phoenix told societal excrement “Extra” that he’s quitting acting to concentrate on his music. What music, you ask? Well, Phoenix…
LOVE BITE
Falling hard for the ghoul next door
EWWWW, SCARY!
Instructions: Cut along the dotted lines, open eye and mouth holes, immediately suspend all trick-or-treating and return to Washington. More masks, in PDF format for your printing convenience. Collect ’em all! John McCain Ric Keller Wall Street CEO Battleground state voter Tom Feeney feedback@orlandoweekly.com
FOOD FIGHT!
We built this country on candy corn. Candy corn is a sugary tribute to the agricultural prowess of America’s heartland. These small, tricolored kernels of sweet autumnal delight pay tribute to the men and women upon whose backs this country was built. Like the farmers and ranchers who sculpted this fine land, candy corn has…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
Week in and week out, this space is about taking a stance. Take yours and go vote, stat. Otherwise, get out a needle and thread and sew your piehole shut for the next four years, ‘K? The beat As happens with any stimulus, the heavy Swedish metal I’ve been around lately has apparently modulated my…
FIRST SHOT
Believe it or not, it’s not always easy to make these columns cohesive. Just look at the disparate ground we have to cover this week. First, there’s the Friday opening of all of this year’s non-Saw Halloween fare, including the latest shocker in which a couple of innocents are beset by sociopaths who seem intent…
LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES
Combat Action Report (log date 10-24-2008) Received intelligence indicating an incipient undead infestation in the vicinity of Kissimmee. Rumors report an outfit called Xtreme Paintball Xperience is executing an operation code-named “Zombie Adventure.” My mission: Infiltrate under cover of darkness and investigate. ;; 22:58 Driving deep into the wilderness south of Highway 192. Locate a…
HAPPYTOWN
You may not have heard, but ;there’s an election coming up Nov. 4. Suddenly you’re asking yourself, “Who and what would my dear friends at Happytown™ vote for?” Wonder no longer. It’s endorsement time. ;; National ; President: Barack Obama One guy is a washed-up warmonger who has run a sleazy campaign and picked a…
COMMENTS
Digs the Beat Just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading Police Beat. Every once in a while you need to hear that your efforts are truly appreciated, and they are. via the Internet All going to hell This is a late response to the “This Modern World” cartoon `Sept. 25`. The comment (paraphrased)…
BLISTER
We could have done so much better than this. All that promise of youth — the flecked shiny bits in polyurethane roller-skate wheels beaming reflections into personal Xanadus, the hairspray on the shoulder-pad stiffness of walking like a 1984 triangle, the bright-pinkness of the Big League Chew bubble that grew and grew until it threatened…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) What perplexing defeat was inflicted on you once upon a time – a defeat that you still can’t figure out how to rise above? What painful memory continues to lurk at the edges of your awareness, taunting you with its implication that you’ll never be whole? This is the time and…
SAVAGE LOVE
My boyfriend recently moved in with me — the first straight guy I’ve ever shared an apartment with. I’m very clean and take great pride in my apartment. However, since he moved in, I’ve tried to be mindful of the fact that there will be certain things I’ll need to adjust to. Still, I think…
HOW TO ROAST A PIG
Tyler Gray scored the first jailhouse interview with Lou Pearlman essentially by showing up and signing in, rather than going through the Orange County jail’s media process. That reporter’s instinct serves Gray well; he’s not only a contributor for provocative pop-culture magazine Radar, but the author of a new book, The Hit Charade: Lou Pearlman,…
CUTTING SAD FIGURES
Tennessee Williams’ award-winning play The Glass Menagerie is an American classic, familiar to anyone who has taken an introductory high-school drama class over the last half-century. With its simple plot and small cast, it is a staple of community theaters all over the country, and because it offers plum roles, it likewise graces the stages…
BOXES OF MEMORIES
As television channeled its way into the public brain in the early 1950s, there were dire predictions from around the world about the future of off-screen entertainment. Australian circus owner Mervyn King felt the financial panic of the times and sold off his life’s blood in 1953: Silver’s Circus. King himself was a throwaway kid,…
big, loud, dangerous, smoking, absurdly time-consuming and seemingly pointless.
Worship our god, for he is a delicious god! Those eyes are edible, by the way: made of malted-milk balls, gelatin capsules and cake decorations. Find the how-tos here. From today’s New York Times article about mad-scientist cooking â?? not to be confused with molecular gastronomy, as practiced by the likes of Ferran Adria and…
You betcha!
Here it is. The best ad (IMHO) of the entire campaign:
