OW’s Top Nine NSFW posts of the year
Naughty. In our weekly editorial meeting at this here brick building, it was brought to us bloggers’ attention that evidence has been found of a hidden genome, somewhere in the phalanges, that causes forefingers to click a mouse whenever the words “list” or “not safe for work” appear. It’s bizarre, but I thought let’s mash…
PERENNIAL FAVORITE
Colorful dishes possess a modern sensibility
COUNCIL WATCH
A tall, hairy drink of Geraldo water sat in the place where the dark sunglasses of Betty Wyman used to lounge, and nobody knew what to expect. The mayor probably didn’t help new District 2 commissioner Tony Ortiz – with his cruel balancing act of first-day jitters and presentational smiles – when he mentioned Wyman’s…
POLICE BEAT
April 19 (2008-169552) 2:15 a.m.: Officer Dunlap was working the downtown bar scene when a man punched him in the face. (2008-169720) 5:44 a.m.: Rule No. 1: If it’s 5 a.m. and two strangers want a ride, don’t give it to them. Rule No. 2: If you disobey rule No. 1, it is nonetheless still…
HAPPYTOWN
Oh, glory days! Skies were blue and the sun was beaming on Lake Eola May 1. It was oath of office day in the City Beautiful, and Orlando’s dandies were in attendance to watch the swearings in of commissioner Patty Sheehan, Mayor Buddy Dyer and brand-new commissioner Tony Ortiz and his mustache. (Commissioner Sam Ings…
MAIL SACK
The farm report I really enjoyed your feature this week. All too often the Weekly gets carried away with self-indulgent crusades or undeserved hipster paeans. “Fat of the land” `May 1` was a well-researched and timely article. The latest farm bill still hasn’t been passed, but I thought you missed out (or didn’t have room)…
FAR END OF THE LONG TAIL
Despite the fervent wishes of some pundits to move us right out of the physical-media age, CDs, records and even cassette tapes are still the only places a lot of music can be found. Due to licensing entanglements, lazy publishers or just forgetfulness on behalf of the listening public, there are millions, perhaps billions of…
WHEN SIMPLE ISN’T
For a band that draws its inspiration from Nintendo games and Disney musicals, that whiles away the hours conjuring recurring jokes about a bandmate’s choice of body spray or opining on what, medically, yellow mucus could mean, Orlando five-piece Baron Von Bear spends an inordinate amount of time pulling out their hair. At just over…
GRAFFITI JAM
During the afternoon of April 26, spray cans were buzzing in outdoor downtown for a grass-roots graffiti party with guest writers from other parts of the world. Much, much later that night, a dance party soundtracked by popular Baltimore DJ Tittsworth also drew a hip crowd to the Parramore warehouse. Interesting doesn’t even begin to…
CAB FIGHT
What do we want?” screams a lone taxi driver, shaking a placard at a group of downtown Orlando office workers on lunch break. “Justice!” a group of drivers yells back. Nearby, in front of City Hall, veterans play patriotic songs as Orlando Police Department officers change the flags. Cops ask the group of more than…
VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
This was bound to happen. In October, Nick Egoroff, a satellite-dish peddler and self-proclaimed leader of the local Ron Paul “rEVOLution,” insisted that even if the Libertarian-leaning Texas congressman lost his GOP presidential bid – which, of course, he did – the grass-roots movement Paul inspired would live on. “I think that we’ve started a…
FIRST SHOT
When summer hits the multiplex, it’s time to separate the men from the boys. And the women from the girls. And everybody else according to his or her places in the great marketing firmament, which just happens to get redistricted more narrowly all the time. For instance, are you old enough to have substantive memories…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
Too much this week for foreplay, so giddyup … THE BEAT I’ve wavered on respected local band the Sugar Oaks. While watching them at Back Booth April 29, I think I finally figured out why. Overall, I dig the golden vibe of their warm, ’70s-kissed porch soul. Despite their music’s generally breezy bearing, the sometimes…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19): For many Aries, independence is a virtue that flows in abundance – sometimes it’s on the verge of becoming excessive and turning into a vice. I’m thrilled to inform you that the mysteries of dependence could be especially intriguing and useful to you in the coming days. They might also lead…
SAVAGE LOVE
I’m 16 and gay. I recently got into an argument with my parents over whether HIV is spread by saliva or if you can be infected during oral sex. I thought that you were safe kissing and that it’s OK to have oral sex, but that you need to use condoms for anal sex. My…
BLISTER
“You better not make me cry,” Savannah feigns the presence of actual tear ducts beneath her eyes. “I cannot cry tonight.” We’ve just met up in the parking lot behind Wally’s – right next to a conspicuous sidewalk sign reading “Fresh Corn Today!” – and nothing is making sense. Not only are we a couple…
FORGET THE FLOWERS
Choose these food-themed alternatives to the hackneyed flowers, facials and restaurant dinners to truly show her that out of all of her positive character traits, creativity was the one you channeled most. The old standby: Flowers from major supplier, usually pink. Snooze. What you’re saying: “I was too busy to be imaginative.” Order this instead:…
LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES
Regular readers might have noticed I exhausted last week’s column on the earth-shaking observation that “Wicked was overhyped.” Well, no duh! – or, should I say, no d’oh! You see, a funny thing happened on the way to that column. About two weeks ago I got word that the Simpsons Ride, Universal Studios’ highly anticipated successor…
It’s like Disney’s Celebration â?¦ for Paultards!
From the Can’t Make This Shit Up Dept.: This site, which apparently isn’t a joke, aims to get (Ron) Paultards of all varieties to live together in some sort of weird, gated hippy commune where they can abolish taxes and end war forevers, and maybe play Halo 3 or something too. Besides, nothing says “libertarian”…
Heaven isn’t too far away
Because there is nothing else going on, or because there are no toy stores selling dildos, or because it’s sweeps and you’re all suckers, Local 6 is bravely exploring whether or not you will go to heaven when you die. To paraphrase my last post: I’m not kidding. Local 6 is this retarded. In the…
Experts iz stoopids
So Hillary Clinton and John McCain want a gas tax holiday. Economists, universally, even including Hillary supporters, think this is a terrible idea because, well, it’s a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA. And Hillary knows it; she’s just hoping that the low-info voters in Indiana and North Carolina are too dim-witted and ignorant to see beyond the…
