Movie: Monster-in-Law
Monster-in-Law Length: 1 hour, 35 minutes Studio: New Line Cinema Website: http://www.monsterinlaw.com/ Release Date: 2005-05-13 Cast: Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda, Michael Vartan, Wanda Sykes, Monet Mazur Director: Robert Luketic Screenwriter: Anya Kochoff, Richard LaGravenese Richard LaGravenese WorkNameSort: Monster-in-Law Our Rating: 2.00 Taken as a whole, this dark comedy from Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde) is torturously…
Movie: House of Wax
House of Wax Length: 1 hour, 27 minutes Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures Website: http://houseofwaxmovie.warnerbros.com/ Release Date: 2005-05-06 Cast: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton, Jared Padalecki, Jon Abrahams Director: Jaume Collet-Sera Screenwriter: Chad Hayes, Carey Hayes Music Score: John Ottman WorkNameSort: House of Wax Our Rating: 1.00 What’s a horror fan to expect from…
Review – Gimme Fiction
Artist: Spoon
Review – A Side Win: Singles 1992-2005
Artist: Sloan
SIGHT FOR SORE EARS
Movie: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
Review – Bem-Vinda Vontade
Artist: Mice Parade
Movie: Mindhunters
Our Rating: 1.50 Postponed from last winter and finally let loose to get its throat ripped out in the summer-action coliseum, schlockmeister Renny Harlin’s fatuous murder mystery plays like Ten Little Indians for GamePro subscribers. A bootylicious class of FBI profiler candidates encounters death and dismemberment on a remote island when the allegedly fictitious villain…
Review – La Kahena
Artist: Cheb i Sabbah
STARE TACTICS
Movie: Look at Me
Review – Gimme Fiction
Artist: Spoon
Movie: Monster-in-Law
Our Rating: 2.00 Taken as a whole, this dark comedy from Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde) is torturously slow, stupid, shallow and predictable. But there are a few shining components: Michael Vartan’s (TV’s Alias) reflective white teeth; Jennifer Lopez’s sensuous, glossy lips; Wanda Sykes’ smartass mugging; and an unhinged Jane Fonda, in rare form after a…
Review – A Side Win: Singles 1992-2005
Artist: Sloan
Movie: House of Wax
Our Rating: 1.00 What’s a horror fan to expect from this far-from-reverent remake of the 1953 Vincent Price classic? Forty-five minutes of stultifying boredom, followed by preposterous carnage pilfered from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and right in line with the previous atrocities committed by the Dark Castle production house (Thirteen Ghosts). Oh, well; no major…
Review – Bem-Vinda Vontade
Artist: Mice Parade
Review – Gimme Fiction
Artist: Spoon
Review – La Kahena
Artist: Cheb i Sabbah
Review – A Side Win: Singles 1992-2005
Artist: Sloan
SIGHT FOR SORE EARS
Movie: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
Review – Bem-Vinda Vontade
Artist: Mice Parade
Movie: Mindhunters
Mindhunters Length: 1 hour, 46 minutes Studio: Dimension Films Website: http://www.mindhunters-thefilm.com/ Release Date: 2005-05-13 Cast: Val Kilmer, LL Cool J, Christian Slater, Eion Bailey, Kathryn Morris Director: Renny Harlin Screenwriter: Kevin Brodbin, Wayne Cramer WorkNameSort: Mindhunters Our Rating: 1.50 Postponed from last winter and finally let loose to get its throat ripped out in the…
Review – La Kahena
Artist: Cheb i Sabbah
SIGHT FOR SORE EARS
Movie: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
Movie: Mindhunters
Our Rating: 1.50 Postponed from last winter and finally let loose to get its throat ripped out in the summer-action coliseum, schlockmeister Renny Harlin’s fatuous murder mystery plays like Ten Little Indians for GamePro subscribers. A bootylicious class of FBI profiler candidates encounters death and dismemberment on a remote island when the allegedly fictitious villain…
STARE TACTICS
Movie: Look at Me
SHUT HIM UP!
If you read the Orlando Sentinel, you probably know who Steven G. Mason is. If not, here’s the short version: Mason is a lawyer with a propensity for taking controversial, high-profile cases and talking about them openly with reporters – which we love. Mason is something of a media darling in this town, a sharp…
STRANGE FUR
Jeanette Hall, 29, one of the world’s few female taxidermists, enjoyed a mainstream practice in Nevada (elk heads, bear rugs, even some novelties like deer testicles) until she decided recently to create sofa pillows with one side made from the actual fur of her clients’ dogs and cats (horses and cows handled also), for fees…
I’VE FOUND A THEME …
I’ve found my theme! Not that a blog needs a theme, but I keep coming back to one particular point: Orlando is a great music city, whether we admit it or not. Judging by what I see in clubs night after night, the “scene” is there for the taking. There’s a large and vibrant class…
A POLITE ASS-KICKING
As people, the Country Slashers are so ridiculously nice, their band name seems absurdly ironic. When a man approaches them outside The Social mumbling incoherently, bassist Phil Longo turns his wallet upside down and shakes it until coins scatter across the sidewalk. “I’ve got cigarettes,” guitarist Mark Bonner offers as he reaches into his pocket.…
City spoils Food Nott Bombs’ efforts; and “Wizard of Gore” seeks old Maniacs
Our happy town is notoriously nasty to the homeless. From blue boxes to laws against lying down in parks, if there’s a way to harass the less fortunate, our city leaders have probably thought of it, and it may already be on the books. Which is not to say that Orlando does nothing to help…
MUNCHING ON THE SACRED COW
I was expecting a cathartic experience. A few weeks ago a message landed in my in-box that touted a hot new item on the Park Plaza Gardens menu: a Kobe-beef burger. We’re talking about the legendary Japanese cows that are purportedly massaged twice a day with warm sake; that are fed rich diets of beer…
City spoils Food Nott Bombs’ efforts; and “Wizard of Gore” seeks old Maniacs
Our happy town is notoriously nasty to the homeless. From blue boxes to laws against lying down in parks, if there’s a way to harass the less fortunate, our city leaders have probably thought of it, and it may already be on the books. Which is not to say that Orlando does nothing to help…
Ask Uncle Tony, Part Deux
As promised last week, here’s a second batch of letters that found their way into the mailbag of Tony LaFemina, Orlando Weekly’s unlicensed but enthusiastic teen-sex counselor. Dear Uncle Tony: I don’t know if other guys have this problem, but every time I go to the store to buy condoms, I get mortified and chicken…
BINGO!
I always knew it would come to this, I just didn’t know that it would be so soon. Nearly 33 years into the damning swirl of life’s deep, red drain and I thought that at worst I’d be drinking a swig of Drano and scraping my painted toenails against smudges of pipe rust about halfway…
George Carlin, Cornerstone Festival, Hacienda Brothers, Pinback and more
Thursday • 12 INVISIBLE CHILDREN We’ve all heard of the United Nations, but not so many people are familiar with its support organization, the United Nations Association of the United States of America. In addition to its usual bimonthly lunch meetings, the Greater Orlando Chapter of the UNA-USA is hosting a special fund- raising screening…
WHEN IT’S NOT YET TIME TO CRY ‘UNCLE’
Wandering somewhere be-tween black comedy and melodrama, Morris Panych’s Auntie and Me explores loneliness in modern society. “Auntie” Grace (Stephanie Weaver) suffers the fate of so many old people today – struggling to live independently until the independence makes your family forget you. It’s a sort of inverted abuse by friends or relatives, and the…
CAT AND ROACH CHASE THIS TALE
Don Marquis was a New York newspaper columnist, poet, humorist, playwright and short-story writer who worked in the early decades of the last century. In 1916, while writing for the New York Sun and faced with the challenge of having to produce a column six days a week, he began a fictional series titled “archy…
TAGGED
Antonio “Prisco” Ramos, 32, looks like a man who just ran into an old girlfriend. Standing across from his graffiti mural on the back wall of the Overflow Productions building on the corner of Hughey Avenue and Church Street downtown, he never takes his hands out of his pockets. Sweat beads on his forehead and…
