Help us celebrate Homeschooling Week!!
Don’t you just love it when Charlie Crist gets all declarative? For the second year in a row, he’s proclaimed from on high that homeschooling ye be good and we shall feast in it. My excruciatingly boring detailed analysis after the hop: <@jump> This week in Florida is HOME EDUCATION WEEK, according to an official,…
Dope line of the week
Is it weird that I’m nearly brought to tears whenever there’s a glimmer of hope that Andre 3000 is still rapping? Thought so. Glimmer. Make an honest living but make a crooked killing or do a bit of both until you’re holding on a million. Brilliant, you got one foot in, one foot out. You…
MORNING GLORY
Get in line for top-notch pre-noon pick-me-ups
UNITED NATIONS
You no longer have to spend the exorbitant cash to “eat around the world” at Epcot. Urban Café in Lake Mary is a poster child for international cuisine, boasting “Grecian Café” on their sign and screaming “AMERICAN BREAKFAST” in neon letters in their storefront window. And it doesn’t stop there – not only are Europe…
FIRST SHOT
The commercial failure of nearly every Iraq-themed movie released in 2007 has Hollywood in a tizzy. What’s going to happen to the intellectual life of our culture if the moviegoing public loses all interest in seeing serious themes grossly oversimplified by a middlebrow elite? Actually, the situation isn’t that drastic. It’s just that war movies…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) It’s time to start preparing for the shocks that will arrive when the Mayan calendar ends on Dec. 21, 2012. Learn how to use a gun, live off the grid and gather edible wild plants. APRIL FOOL! The period leading up to the winter solstice in 2012 will bring no more…
SAVAGE LOVE
When I was in my teens to mid-20s, I fought a burgeoning weight problem. Now I watch what I eat and I work out. I have a six-pack. And here’s my problem: I get too much attention from women. If I wanted to, I could get all the pussy I wanted. Is it normal for…
BLISTER
You can never go back, but you can certainly die trying. To that end – and from this one – I’ve pressed the magic button on Cher’s turning-back-of-time wayback machine and landed my callused posterior somewhere in the early ’90s. But somehow in the process I’ve forgotten to chisel away the scales of learned cynicism…
LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES
“TO WOMEN & GIRLS WHO PASS THROUGH OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, WE BEG YOU WITH ALL OUR HEARTS: PLEASE DO NOT PASS THROUGH OUR NEIGHBORHOOD IN IMMODEST CLOTHES.” That archaic admonishment isn’t part of an Amish advertising campaign, nor is it the latest salvo in Winter Park’s war on Fairbanks Avenue funk. Rather, it is a real-world…
HAPPYTOWN
If you can’t beat them, hit them harder. Lake Eola Park – typically home to bellicose swans and anti-war rallies – was transformed into a battlefield March 22 when leap year falling-man Brian Feldman headed up Orlando’s own entry into the international pillow fight day, Pillowlando, drawing about 100 hungover hipsters out of their Adderall…
POLICE BEAT
XXX (XXXX-XXXXX) XXX: File this one under “worst police report ever.” No date. No time. No case number. No spell checker. A thief broke into a gated lot that belongs to the city’s recreation department; “Property taken were one lawn more and one trailer. There are no suspects,” Officer Easterling reports. Way to sweat the…
MAILSACK
GOT THERE FIRST On behalf of the members of the Lake Eola Heights Historic Neighborhood Association, I would like to extend a warm and grateful thank you to `Billy Manes` and the Orlando Weekly. Your recent article showcasing the oral history we are undertaking as a neighborhood will help many in Orlando to understand the…
FLORIDA FILM FESTIVAL – WHAT TO SEE
Go to the Florida Film Festival website, click “Films” and try not to feel overwhelmed by the A-Z listings that number in the hundreds – all to be screened at the most prestigious film festival this area has to offer. With 10 days of screenings at two locations, the logistics of choosing the right film,…
POWER TO THE PEOPLE? COME ON.
Though commercially obsolete for the most part, old school melodic hardcore bands still pack clubs. Their fans welcome the opportunity to see their pop-punk heroes play full sets indoors, as in the pre-Warped days. It’s a nice full-circle route to sold-out shows for aging rockers whose subsequent album releases have failed to activate interest outside…
THE KILLING JOKE
Hipster metal didn’t start with Isis, or Earth, or even Neurosis. It all started with Andrew W.K. In 2002, “Party Hard” became the hard rock anthem of the summer. The Michigan native’s performance-artist-as-lunkhead routine had been developed through a series of underground releases (on the same label as Wolf Eyes), which appealed to a certain…
CORSETS AND CODPIECES
I grew up on a strict diet of pop culture, so my knowledge of the Tudors is limited to the Monty Python sketch “The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots,” Rick Wakeman’s solo album, The Six Wives of Henry VIII, and the Herman’s Hermits song “I’m Henry the VIII, I Am.” In other words, I…
LOVE HURTS
A woman crawls around on all fours, her hands covered by mittens, her leash passed from one person to the next. At a post against the wall a man chains his wife’s wrists above her head and proceeds to paddle and spank her repeatedly. After a lengthy whipping, a man adds various attachments to his…
UNITED NATIONS
You no longer have to spend the exorbitant cash to “eat around the world” at Epcot. Urban Café in Lake Mary is a poster child for international cuisine, boasting “Grecian Café” on their sign and screaming “AMERICAN BREAKFAST” in neon letters in their storefront window. And it doesn’t stop there – not only are Europe…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
Don’t even say there’s no culture in Orlando. Seriously, don’t. If I hear even a peep to that effect, it’s gonna be a backhand – POW! – to the kisser. Understood? Two particular concerts this week have my back on this one. First, the sophomore chapter of the Baraka World Music Series, on March 21,…
CRITIC ON CRITICS
Movie critics are a hardy breed and they’re not easily frightened. But Funny Games is scaring the pants off some of them. The Washington Post’s John Anderson calls the film “über-disturbing,” while Owen Gleiberman, in Entertainment Weekly, refers to it as “sadistic and terrifying” and Esquire’s Mike D’Angelo suggests that it gave him a “nervous…
Cheney: The Iraq War just like pardoning Nixon
In an interview, the veep compared the political pressure on Gerald Ford not to pardon Nixon to the political pressure to get the hell out of Iraq. In both cases, he asserts, history will hold that the respective presidents did the right thing, regardless of polls. Quotes after the jump. <@jump> I had the experience,…
