Weekly Series: Shitty movies being made right now! Week 2
So here’s the deal: Just before the strike, the Hollywood studios in their great wisdom foresaw a long, drawn-out process. So they grabbed up every script they could get their hands on, regardless of quality or originality. Nothing new, right? Well now they’re predicting an actor’s strike is coming next, so every studio in town…
Scouring the Internuts, part II
Could I be more bored? Yes, because there seems to be a wealth of great, mindless bullshit out there web world this morning. And because until certain writers hand in certain copy that was due a certain … today, I don’t really have a choice. Do I?! Idolator.com features THE funniest commenters on the face…
Buy yourself sumthin’ nice, ya hear?
So King George is gonna throw another few hundred bucks at our feet to apologize for the terrible job he’s done in managing our country for the last, oh, decade. Nevermind the half-trillion dollars of our money he spent on the war. Nevermind the rollback of civil rights and the constitution. It’s $300 bucks, people!…
LUST FOR OIL LEADS TO THE PITS
Paul Thomas Anderson’s American nightmare gushes with greed
SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED STRANGENESS
Love in a time of mutant disease
HAPPYTOWN
Elsewhere in this fine publication you’ll find a lengthy essay encouraging you to sit out this election because it doesn’t matter (“Don’t vote”). But on the chance that you don’t heed our advice Jan. 29, you’ll need to know for whom and what to vote, and we’re here to help so you don’t screw things…
SAVAGE LOVE
I’m a 25-year-old man. I’m a zoophile and always have been. I know that once your brain is “wired” a certain way, “rewiring” it is unlikely, so this isn’t going to go away. My question is what do I do? I don’t date. I have no sexual attraction to any human, male or female, so…
POLICE BEAT
JAN. 10, 7:52 P.M.: So you’re waiting at the bus stop. The intersection of Mercy Drive and W.D. Judge Drive may not be the city’s safest, but it’s only 7 p.m. and the Lynx should be along shortly. You’re probably not too worried about your personal security. Unfortunately, even at this early hour there are…
BLISTER
“There is no there there,” I Gertrude into Tony’s Stein. “Where?” he wonders back. “What is the answer?” “Wait, what is the question?” We’re sipping the Kool-Aid from the standard Tuesday-night existential drip and fashioning ourselves into photographic negatives of men who aren’t men sitting on couches that aren’t couches when nothing finally hits me.…
MAIL SACK
Not a race thing The first two paragraphs of your report “The elephant in the room” [Jan. 17] give a tone of opinion on your part that is not of an impartial reporter, but rather of one who is agreeing with the school board. The issue with the Clarcona community is in fact, we are…
THIS AIN’T NO STRING QUARTET
They’re not a symphony of east Atlantic imports. For the uninitiated, Manchester Orchestra is the barely legal Atlanta five-piece whose faith in both their convictions and compositions has paid off handsomely less than two years after they began playing together. Led by 20-year-old frontman Andy Hull, the band – guitarist Robert McDowell, keyboardist Chris Freeman,…
RHYME AND PUNISHMENT
Every Wu-Tang show begins the same way, depending on the group’s current emotional/quantum state: Anywhere from five to eight Brooklyn-hardened, showbiz-softened MCs skulk onto the stage and face a sea of multicolored hands all forming the shape of a “W.” It’s loud, sure, but disciplined. To jump around and wile out at this point would…
IN THE TRENCHES
On Jan. 9, a newly discovered clerical error dealt Florida4Marriage.org, the political action committee working to place a ban on gay marriage into the state constitution, a serious blow. In December, the group announced that it had gathered the 611,009 signatures it needed to put its proposed amendment on the November ballot. But then the…
TIBURON’S DE-TOUR
I wanted bling. They gave me bland. To be honest, that wasn’t quite what I was expecting upon playing the latest arcade-football offering from Orlando’s own EA Tiburon, purveyors of gridiron goodness. Through three iterations, Tiburon’s NFL Street series had garnered a tidy arcade football–lovin’ following (including yours truly) by offering something that was a…
I DIDN’T VOTE
There’s a meme that those of us who write about or participate in the political process are supposed to repeat ad nauseam come election season: Vote. Elections matter. The more that people get involved, the more responsive politicians will be to our interestes. An informed electorate is the best defense against tyranny. And so on.…
FOIE GRAS FLAP
Ever since the city of Chicago instituted a ban on foie gras, opinions for and against the boycott have swelled in proportion to those fatty duck and goose livers. Animal rights activists say the birds are subjected to close confinement, filthy, often torturous, conditions and gavage – the process of inserting a tube down the…
I LOVE TELEVISION
My fellow Americans: We have a serious and potentially life-threatening problem facing our nation this week. Shockingly, the president of the United States has scheduled his State of the Union address to directly conflict with not one, but TWO of my fave new shows! First, there’s American Gladiators (a show which has already been proven…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
Jan. 13, Back Booth hosted Super Happy Fun Time, a great multimedia art event that straddled audio, visual and tactile forms. The art, from simulated vomit to stupid-funny audio installations in the loo, largely defied orthodoxy, and the experimental music followed suit. Tele & Incredible Friends comprised the two key artists behind the event, local…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year,” said essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson. That’s my first suggestion for you this week. Now is a good time to cultivate a knack for identifying the specific gift that each day has to offer you. You will…
Fox News boldly investigates Jesus Potato
A granny preacher in Marion County – of course – sees an image of Jesus on the cross on a potato, and Fox News rushes to the scene. Let’s take a sample, shall we? Oh hell, let me post the whole thing, because it’s short and so very ridiculous. MARION COUNTY, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35,…
