SUBSTITUTION, PLEASE
For The last two years, I’ve used this self-serving space in the paper to painstakingly detail what I would like for holiday gifts. I mean, c’mon, there were pictures and everything, along with websites and prices. Though I did the shopping for you, I still got nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada. I’m beginning to think you…
I’M NOT MARTHA
I swear I’m not trying to be all mature or earthy, but this year I’m going to focus on the “give” instead of the “take” in this holiday equation. Brokey McBrokington here is just freaking out trying to figure out how to come up with gifts for the 15 or 20 people on my list…
FLEXING THAT FAITH
As a recent convert to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, I was worried that my newfound faith would somehow prohibit me from taking part in the greed-grab that is the United States of Christmas. After all, according to the tenets of my new faith, we have “flimsy” moral standards and I get to claim every Friday as…
AW, SHUCKS
Dear Readers, I want to thank you for inviting me into your homes every week; it has been a nice welcoming gift for me. See, I recently moved here from Missouri (that’s Missour-ah, if you want to sound like a local), and this will be my first Christmas in Orlando – actually my first Christmas…
FREE TO BE NEW AND ME
To quote Kenny Rogers’ and Dolly Parton’s seminal 1980s Christmas masterpiece, the holiday Holy Grail of my life, ONCE UPON A CHRISTMAS (Amazon.com, $6.99): “I believe there’s always hope when all seems lost, ‘cuz I believe in Santa Claus.” But with age, significant age, comes the gift of reinterpretation. It’s not so much that I…
IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE ARMAGEDDON
During holiday season I’ve learned to feel content with all that’s in my life, no matter the true score. How can I not, when my plate is full while millions of people around the world are starving and dying, even as my existence continues on its merry way. But after witnessing the string of apocalyptic…
PRINCE OF PEACE
I don’t want anything this year. I’ve been kvetching about the commercialization of Christmas for too long now, and it’s time to do something about it. I’ll take some socks, because I always want new socks, but that’s it. In lieu of flotsam that will only clutter my life before taking up space in a…
