The Ringer
The Ringer Studio: 20th Century Fox, Fox Searchlight Pictures Rated: PG-13 Website: http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/theringer/ Release Date: 2005-12-30 Cast: Johnny Knoxville, Brian Cox, Katherine Heigl, Jed Rees, Bill Chott Director: Barry Blaustein Screenwriter: Ricky Blitt, Peter Gaulke, Gerry Swallow WorkNameSort: Ringer, The The Farrelly brothers didn’t necessarily sign their own death warrant when they set out to…
HOT OFF THE PRESS
Toastissimo joins our urban fast-food offerings from across the Atlantic. Such quaint European sandwich spots were perhaps always destined for the American market, considering we’re the champions of fast food. Toastissimo was created by Franco Cesari, a Roman who lived in France and longed for the bread and coffee of his homeland. In 1995, he…
OPENING MY BOX
I approach this situation with a replica of how I approach all Orlando situations involving overtly demonstrative ornamentation with Manic Panic dripping down behind its ears: blackened ambivalence and a blue bottle of vodka. It’s a vicious flow chart, really, one that drips painfully from elementary-school gifted programs to safety pins in high school to…
CHARACTER OF THE YEAR
Look! I don’t give two poops who Time magazine elects as their “Person of the Year.” They could choose a can of Hormel Chili (sans beans) for all I care. In fact, a can of Hormel Chili sounds pretty good right now! (And I’m not just saying that because Hormel Chili pays me $20 every…
PIE HEISTS
DEC. 20, 10:04 P.M.: A woman, 29, was leaving a pharmaceutical store in the 5100 block of North Pine Hills Road. En route to her car, however, she noticed three young men dawdling near it. Such late-night lounging can signal trouble. “Give me your purse!” shouted one of the young men, disregarding the spirit of…
CHEAP SHOTS
Time once again for our annual cleansing ritual. Here’s how it works: We think back to 2005 and fondly recall all the people, places and things that made the world – and especially our small corner of it – a little crappier, a tad less inviting, a smidgen more unfair and a touch more slimy.…
BEST MUSIC OF 2005
Last year, I pulled out my address book and asked some local music types (as well as Orlando Weekly scribes) what albums they thought were that year’s best. It worked so well, I figured I’d hit upon a new tradition. So, this year, I asked a different bunch of local music types what musical things…
GOING THERE
Seventeen years after Jane’s Addiction ushered in the blasé era with the pithy observation “Nothing’s shocking,” three Asian horror directors and one American comic are out to prove that oh, yes, something still is. The choice between over-the-top Grand Guignol and witheringly insensitive one-liners doesn’t exactly make for the cuddliest New Year’s viewing, but it…
BEAVERS AND RETARDS AND BEARS – OH MY!
Best picture, best actor, best screenplay … you can get sleep aids like that anywhere. The real story of cinema 2005 lies in our completely arbitrary, free-associative list of the year’s greatest achievements – dubious and otherwise. Best documentary you probably didn’t see In the Realms of the Unreal Best summer blockbuster you probably did…
Happytown
Wow, did those intelligent design folks ever get spanked ! On Dec. 20, U.S. District Court judge John E. Jones III ruled that the Dover, Pa., school board’s adoption of the so-called intelligent design theory of human origin was a blatantly unconstitutional, thinly veiled attempt to reinsert creationism into public schools. And he didn’t stop…
Letters
Love letters Nice story `”Museology 101,” Dec. 22`. Or as Leonore, the French woman who worked at the old Chapters location off Edgewater Drive, said about the story of her and her husband’s love, “It’s not a story, it’s a life.” Dennis Vazquez, Winter Park Schneider right, Kong wrong I couldn’t agree with you more…
Will Hoge, The Legendary J.C.’s, Orlando Citrus Parade and more
Friday • 30 ORLANDO CITRUS PARADE Orlando’s 25th annual contribution to the glut of New Year’s parades offers more than the standard marching bands and musical performances. Its floats are decorated entirely with Florida oranges, grapefruits and tangerines, which lends an appropriately acidic cast to their glowing depictions of local life. When the revelry is…
PROMISES, PROMISES
Just like restraining orders, New Year’s resolutions were; made to be broken. But that’s no reason to doubt the sincerity of any of the promises on my latest list. With God as my witness, in 2006 … • I will spend more time with family and friends. Just not necessarily my own. • I will…
Notable Noise
One of the perks of my job is that I get to ask people to do things and impose very strict constraints on what they’re doing. And then, when doing the same exact thing, I get to completely ignore those constraints. Hypocrisy, some might call it. Me? I call it a power trip. A good…
Rob Brezsny’s Free Will Astrology
Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19) Thai coffee salesman Prayoon Thongiorn owns a pet crocodile. So thoroughly has he tamed the creature that he lets it sleeps in his bed with him, even resting his head on it as if it were a pillow. I predict that you will make a comparable conquest in 2006. Some…
WIFE: BEATER
My sister, whom I’m quite close with, has been getting into S&M. Recently she announced that she has acquired a slave. After much thought and discussion on the matter, I am still having a very hard time coming to terms with it. The problem I have is that she treats him like a slave 24…
