HAND AND GLOVE

Relief comes in the form of a much-appreciated blast of classic gaming goodness, and from an unexpected source: Konami, which has had a somewhat spotty record (cough, Coded Arms, cough) on Sony’s handheld. The Gradius Collection offers five delicious doses of Gradius action, from the somewhat dated and pixilated Gradius 1 to the much sharper-looking Gradius Gaiden, a game that’s seeing its first release on U.S shores. Even if you never dropped coins on any of these games back in the day (read: the late ’80s and early ’90s), you need to experience them now.

The Gradius formula is simpler than some of the contestants on Deal or No Deal: With your Defender-sized Vic Viper and a host of you-pick-’em power-ups, blast at everything that moves, from the waves of geometric alien ships that sidewind down your gullet to the funkadelic enemies (golden lions, three-headed turtles and gigantic, snowball-hurling centipedes) that fire and dive at you from the sidelines.

At their most frenetic, Gradius games play like Robotron in space ‘ and that’s a great, if sometimes viciously frustrating, thing. Your only prayer of advancing stages is to memorize attack patterns and lean heavy on the helpful in-game save function.

Some have complained that the PSP’s pint-sized screen and less-than-reactive controls make aiming at and dodging the copious enemies a bit too challenging. I, um, don’t see it; what I see is a solid collection of arcade classics that’s as fun to play now as it was back then.

There’s at least a bloop single’s worth of irony in Midway’s MLB Slugfest 2006, a game that features hulking versions of Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi, their heads like overripe Macy’s parade balloons, sending (literally) en fuego pitches exploding over the left-field wall. Guess Midway’s long-running arcade hardball satire is landing a little too close to the real thing these days. The only thing missing is Jason Grimsley touting a suitcase of human growth hormone.

Doesn’t mean this ‘Fest isn’t an entertaining diversion for its minor-league price tag ‘ even if the rosters are staler than last year’s ballpark franks. (For some reason, they haven’t been updated since February. Ouch.)

To compete on this cartoonish diamond, you’ll have to get down and dirty, as usual. Since tagging a runner requires decking him with an uppercut, there’s plenty of chances to go all Michael Barrett on the major-leaguer you hate the most. (Hello, A-Rod.) Or, if you’re feeling a little Ozzie Guillen, just bean him with a buzz fastball.

The only new feature in this year’s model is the create-a-player mode, a nice touch that gives you an additional stake in the season you’ll be simulating. Sure wish you could add him to actual MLB teams, instead of the ones you create yourself.

You could make the argument ‘ and I have, multiple times ‘ that a lone feature add isn’t enough justification for Slugfest‘s annual trip to the batter’s box. If you own any of the previous editions of the game, you’re probably right; if you don’t, this bargain-basement baseballer probably has enough curveballs to make it worth a cockeyed look.