Spooky season has sneaked up on Orlando once again, as signified by the annual arrival of Universal Studios Florida’s Halloween Horror Nights. For HHN’s 34th installment, the creative team led by Mike Aiello and Lora Sauls have pulled out all the stops, delivering what I feel is the event’s strongest installment this decade.
I was especially impressed by the scarezones — particularly the Roaring ’20s toxic mutants in New York, the Cat Lady mini-show outside Animal Actors, and Hollywood’s vampire masquerade ball — which were markedly more menacing and story-focused than the selfie-zones of recent years.
The latest Nightmare Fuel pyrotechnic dance show also continues its upward evolution with a satisfying sequel to last year’s cursed circus storyline, as first-time director Charles Gray (picking up the baton from Jason Horne) punches up the pacing, tightening the integration of illusions and explosive choreography. And although I was unable to watch the new Haunt-o-Phonic fountain show, the brief glimpse I caught looked ghoulishly delightful.
However, most guests go to HHN for their world-famous haunted houses, and this year’s lineup of 10 terrifying mazes will present a dilemma for all but the deep-pocketed. The offerings are mostly solid, and several are spectacular, with only a few relative duds this time around. But if the posted standby wait times on opening weekend are anything to go by, my traditional goal of completing every house and show in one night without Express access may have finally become impossible to accomplish.
The cat appears to be out of the bag on my former “secret weapon” of Stay & Scream, with queues now opening at 4 p.m. and some exceeding two hours before the evening officially begins.
Even Express isn’t a panacea anymore, as it reduces your wait by roughly half but doesn’t eliminate it, and new longer pathways to and from the soundstages (necessitated by the demolition of Hollywood Rip Ride Rocket) mean even old hands at HHN will have difficulty formulating an efficient route this year. The ideal solution — assuming you can afford it — is an RIP tour, like the one I was hosted on during the opening-night media event. Thanks to our tour guide, Billie Jane, who is an award-winning local playwright-performer when she isn’t escorting VIPs at Universal, we were easily able to squeeze in all 10 mazes (plus extras) before the 2 a.m. closing.
If you aren’t fortunate enough to get front-of-the-line privileges and are forced by long queues to pick and choose which houses to line up for, here are my totally subjective rankings of all 10, based on how many minutes I’d personally be willing to wait for another run-through.
Be aware that your mileage will undoubtedly vary, because I base my preferences on things like the ambition and execution of the scenic artistry and special effects, the creativity and clarity of the theme, and the placement and pacing of the performers. I don’t judge how “scary” a house is, because years of working backstage have blunted my startle response, and I can no longer get spooked with a conga line of shuffling guests around me.
Terrifier (worth 75 minutes)
The gallons of gore that literally drenched me in this house should force any fanboys complaining that HHN has gone “family-friendly” to STFU. I enjoyed walking through the three Terrifier films far more than watching them, thanks in large part to this cast’s expert mimicry of Art the Clown’s mime mannerisms.
Five Nights at Freddy’s (worth 70 minutes)
The Easter egg-filled re-creation of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria is note-perfect, from the crying child to the Springtrap mask. Unfortunately, the impressive movie-accurate animatronics and full-sized articulated puppets from Jim Henson’s Creature Shop are mostly rooted in place, which somewhat mutes their menace.
El Artista: A Spanish Haunting (60 minutes)
I’m a sucker for a grand facade, and this Gothic manor (which inspired this year’s overall aesthetic) is one of Universal’s most jaw-dropping. Once inside, overhead aerial stunts, multiple Pepper’s ghosts and every other trick in the book are employed in telling a refreshingly original tale from director Ramón Paradoa that evokes Goya and Gaudí with a Faustian twist.
Dolls: Let’s Play Dead (worth 50 minutes)
If Disney ever put a haunted house based on Toy Story’s Sid and Finding Nemo’s Darla inside the queue of Hollywood Studios’ Midway Mania, it might look like this. Guest-activated buttons, a playful sense of scale and imaginative environments (like the inside of an Easy-Bake Oven) make this the most entertaining house.
WWE Presents: The Horrors of the Wyatt Sicks (worth 45 minutes)
I stopped following professional wrestling when WWF became WWE, so add an extra 15 minutes if you’re already a fan. As a newcomer, I was unexpectedly engaged by the variety and viciousness of the characters and the verisimilitude of the backstage environments.
Gálkn: Monsters of the North (worth 40 minutes)
Wicker Man and Midsommar have nothing on this revenge-driven romp through a pseudo-Nordic village being ravaged by horned horrors. The best part is the “belly of the beast” finale, which features some of the event’s most relentless scareactors.
Hatchet and Chains: Demon Bounty Hunters (worth 30 minutes)
Old West-inspired haunts are usually winners, and this Slaughter Sinema spinoff starts strong with an actor-driven entrance and unique lava lighting. I also loved the ending’s speeding train effects and blow-off monster, but the creature designs and plot seemed somewhat muddled in the middle.
Grave of Flesh (worth 20 minutes)
The towering graveyard facade makes a fabulous first impression, but it goes downhill fast with repetitive dirt walls and a grab-bag of monster designs. The brief M.C. Escher-esque interlude in the middle only reminded me how badly I want HHN to have a Hellraiser II house.
Fallout (worth 15 minutes)
As a Fallout fan from the prehistoric era of Wasteland on my Apple IIc through to the Amazon series, this house was a shocking disappointment. The initial Vault architecture is impressive, and all the fan-service props (like Pip-Boys and Jolt Cola dispensers) are in place. But Lucy dominates too many scenes, miming to comically repetitive audio cues, while Maximus and especially the Ghoul are given shamefully short shrift before the anticlimactic ending.
Jason Universe (worth 10 minutes)
I’m sure to get flamed for this take. The folks around me praised this maze’s scare factor, but the return of Jason Voorhees to HHN missed the mark for me. If too many cooks spoil the soup, then too many Jasons — mostly mid-series hockey-mask incarnations, no sign of X’s cyber-version — popping in and out of boo-holes, without any of his iconic kills or environments beyond repetitive wooded campgrounds, ultimately bored me.
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This article appears in Sept. 10-16, 2025.