Wal-Mart panties tell young girls to get sugar daddy
The panties, which were sold in the juniors department, seemed to suggest that girls don’t need money, they just need a sugar daddy â?? in this case Santa Claus. The hipster briefs â?? carrying the slogan “Who needs credit cards …” on the front and “When you have Santa” on the derriere â?? caused an…
THERE’S A NEW PIG IN TOWN
Winter Park hot spot expands the definition of ‘gastropub’
UNHOLY MATRIMONY
Nicole Kidman plays the party killer
THE ACTUAL DEFINITIVE ULTIMATE DIRECTOR’S CUT
Blade Runner is back again – the way it was meant to be seen
Joyful
Joyful Label: Interscope Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Joyful At first you don’t know what’s happening. The musical elements don’t immediately mix, but then it hits you: The sleepy twang of slide guitar lulls you as the slow, seductive come-hither finger-curl of Ayo’s wispy, Sade-meets-Billie Holiday voice finishes the job off. She’s pleading…
Colorseries
Colorseries Label: Minimise Length: EP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Colorseries A few years ago, Dublin’s Donnacha Costello became one of those names. You know the type: If you haven’t heard of him yet, someone will sit you down until you know his mother’s maiden name. This happened for Costello largely because of a series…
Steel Yourself
Steel Yourself Label: Endemik Length: LP Rated: NONE Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Steel Yourself To know Sontiago’s music is to know the Portland, Maine, native herself; the two are not mutually exclusive, as evidenced by her preface of song explanations before the lyrics of each track in the liner notes. As if on a…
Apples & Oranges
Apples & Oranges Label: self-released Length: LP Media: CD Format: Album WorkNameSort: Apples & Oranges Despite the missteps in the sequencing of the first two mediocre cuts, the sugar-voiced pop that 27-year-old New York native Stacy Clark lays down really starts to get flowing on “Won’t Let You,” a violin-plucking standout, along with the sleek,…
THROWDOWN!
If there’s one thing the talking heads on cable news networks do with almost alarming grace, it’s selling the drama, whether it’s the 195th Dem debate or an escaped bear in the shopping mall. Yes, nothing puts a story over quite like a melodramatic narrative. Especially if that narrative incorporates lots of boxing and sporting…
BEWARE THE UNEXAMINED OPINION
Question authority: That’s the stated message of The Golden Compass and, by the way, the point of this piece. In the case of the movie, the authority is the Magisterium, the totalitarian regime that Lyra, our spunky young heroine, energetically opposes. In the case of this article, you might say it’s the Critiserium – the…
FORCE-FED
The Sept. 15 game between the University of Central Florida Knights and the Texas Longhorns was supposed to be the match of a lifetime. Not only had the Knights recently leapt divisions – from the Mid-American Conference to Conference USA – they were also playing in their brand-new $55 million home: Bright House Stadium. The…
HEY MACARENA’S!
While most Americans know hot tamales only as the cinnamon-flavored candy counterpart to Mike and Ikes, for Latino families, it wouldn’t be the holidays without homemade tamales. At Macarena’s Mexican Grill, tucked away in Longwood, everyone celebrates. Making authentic tamales is time-consuming: Cornmeal is mixed with lard and stuffed with braised, spiced, shredded pork, wrapped…
BLISTER
Like so many rhinestones tumbling from so many costume-jewelry clusters dangling from so many saggy earlobes, Orlando’s once glorified sense of megalomaniacal celebrity – no matter how artificial it was to begin with – has lost its luster, hit the pavement, and become just another obstacle to trip over on the path to ignominy. Fame…
SAVAGE LOVE
My two roommates are in the same frat. Roommate A is a great guy, but maybe a bit too nice: Recently, his GF cheated on him and he forgave her. Her infidelity did not come as a surprise to the rest of us. When she’s drunk, she acts inappropriately, way beyond friendly flirting. Anyway, Roommate…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Everything absolute belongs to pathology. Joyous distrust is a sign of health.” So proclaimed Nietzsche. Note well that he used the adjective “joyous” to describe distrust, not “cynical” or “grumbling” or “sour.” The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
This column fully endorses culture jamming – the art of turning mass media’s methods against itself – so another item blinking brightly on the TLU holiday gift radar is the recently released Our Favorite Things, a career-spanning DVD of music videos from mischievous sound collagists and copyright guerrillas Negativland, who’ve been making the system their…
HAPPYTOWN
From the Hope for America Desk comes news that Jack Abramoff BFF Tom Feeney has a challenger who isn’t sanity-challenged. Last year, Feeney beat the crap out of Clint Curtis, a slightly off computer programmer who alleged that Feeney once asked him to rig the 2000 presidential election, among various other schemes (see “Is this…
POLICE BEAT
NOV. 30, 4:49 P.M.: Two dudes in their 30s walked into a shoe store in the 1890 block of South Semoran Boulevard. One was wearing a blue jacket, the other a “flowered shirt,” according to Officer Vo. Naturally, our toughs started stuffing lady shoes into a bag. Our clerk made the mistake of raising her…
MAIL SACK
It’s rubbish This might just be the dumbest article I’ve ever read in the Weekly `“Rubbish,” Dec. 6` and that’s saying something, since I still remember the issue about the fictional backwoods restaurant that serves manatee. It’s hard to even tell exactly what the point of this story is! Even before you get to the…
THE HOUSE IS ALIVE
The Central Florida ensemble World Samba is busy beating a path to the hearts of more than 100 well-heeled, wine-consuming Floridians via percussion-heavy interpretations of bossa nova chestnuts. Almost imperceptibly, the dynamics in the room change when World Samba shifts into the traditional folk standard “Paranaue” – a clarion call for practitioners of the music-infused…
I LOVE TELEVISION
Here’s the problem with Christmas TV specials: THERE ARE NO NEW ONES. There are newish Christmas movies and shows featuring such ass-brains as Tony Danza and that straw-chewing hillbilly Toby Keith – BUT THEY DON’T COUNT. Why? Because these specials don’t feature creepy wooden puppets like in the old Rankin/Bass animated specials, such as Rudolph…
GIMME ONE GOOD REASON
In October, Florida4Marriage.org announced that it was just a few thousand signatures away from securing a spot on the November 2008 ballot to ask voters to enshrine a ban on gay marriage in the state constitution. This is a perplexing issue for me: I don’t get exactly what about the prospect of gay marriage gets…
Pope: Don’t believe that global warming crap either
His Holiness has also declared that while keeping the environment up is good and all, this whole global warming thing is a touch overblown, so we shouldn’t get all atwitter about it. “The leader of more than a billion Roman Catholics suggested that fears over man-made emissions melting the ice caps and causing a wave…
Pope: The pill is an impediment to world peace
Um, uh huh. So says Pope Benedict XVI, official mouthpiece of the almighty: “Everything that serves to weaken the family based on the marriage of a man and woman, everything that directly or indirectly stands in the way of its openness to the responsible acceptance of new life … constitutes an objective obstacle on the…
UPDATE: Coke still pretty bad
Below was our post a couple weeks back when news broke about Quiet Riot singer Kevin DuBrow’s death. I specifically asked that the coroner NOT make me a dick by stating his cause of death was drugs. The coroner did not listen. Coke overdose. Who knew he was still that rich? __________________________________________________________ Kevin DuBrow, lead…
