SHOCKER: R. Kelly not guilty on all counts
Ladies, lock up your daughters. Perennially pervy (and at times awesome – read our defense of the creep here) R&B star R. Kelly has been found not guilty on all counts of child porn and sex with a minor, despite a widely-distributed and cringed-over video that clearly shows a man who looks exactly like Kelly…
death wish.
Maybe Charles H. Bronson has a death wish after all â?? for you. We posted yesterday about the press release issued by the Florida agricultural commissioner stating that tomatoes from Florida were not part of the salmonella outbreak. The presser also said “the bulk of illnesses have occurred in western states,” implying that the tainted…
LIFE OF PIE
Church Street pizza joint is strictly upper-crust
HULK SMASH!
Story, character run off the rails – and it works
FIRST SHOT
A mere five years ago, Hollywood’s first pass at a Hulk movie sent a legion of critics scurrying to their reference shelves to look up the correct spelling of “ponderous.” Yet when word eventually came down that Tinseltown was going to the gamma-radiated well again, we ourselves were cautiously optimistic: Joe Mogul couldn’t make the…
LIVE ACTIVE CULTURES
Stand for Change! It’s about Change! Change!! Change!!! As the presidential primary circus staggered to a close on Saturday, I was struck by how “change” has become the de facto rhetorical rallying point for all sides in this election. Looks like everyone is in love with change. Well, I hate to kill the progressive party,…
POLICE BEAT
May 30 (2008-236601) 11:20 p.m.: A 25-year-old suspect pulled a 51-year-old man out of a business on South Lee Road, beat him up and took his money. Dick. May 31 (2008-236904) 2:59 a.m.: A perv on South Orange Avenue pulled down his pants and showed off his junk to two 30-something women. Then he spit…
MAIL SACK
The Bright Side Thanks for the kind words regarding the songs, and the comment about even Tilly and the Wall considering our name too gay was pretty fucking funny `This Little Underground, June 5`. At least we don’t have shitty pseudo-emo lyrics to go with the kitsch name, right? Kyle Raker (X.O.X.O.), via the Internet…
BLISTER
I’ve often wondered out loud to myself while naked and submerged in the warmth of my bubbly decompression chamber, “Self, how many times does the shampoo mean when it says in somewhat uncertain terms, ‘Lather. Rinse. Repeat’?” Two times borders on half-yawned monotony. Six times starts to burn a little, while psychologically producing a mechanical…
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Successful representations of reality become more important than the reality they represent,” writes W. Daniel Hillis at the World Question Center. Examples: Paper money supersedes gold; a painting has more value than the landscape it depicts; the status that an achievement brings begins to overshadow the achievement. The coming days are…
THE BIG SALUTE
If you want a vivid picture of how our culture handles the penis, look at the guy wearing the Speedo. He’ll be easy to spot – most guys wear trunks as shapeless as that name implies. A hundred women could be wearing swimsuits the size of stamps, but it’s the Speedo that will excite attention,…
LOU TALKS!
Here’s the thing about Lou Pearlman: Love him or hate him, you have to give him credit. The man never stops scheming. When U.S. District Judge G. Kendall Sharp handed Pearlman a 25-year sentence in May for conspiracy, money laundering and making false statements in a bankruptcy proceeding, Sharp also handed Pearlman “the keys to…
COUCH POTATO FAMINE
In less than nine months, 30 million Americans could find themselves staring at a blank television screen. On Feb. 17, the United States launches an ambitious digital-TV transition, requiring all full-power broadcast stations to scrap their analog transmissions in favor of digital-only signals. The move is designed to free up the airwaves for emergency services,…
LITTLE PEOPLE, BIGMUFF
“Maybe you went with some other band,” laughs Mark Arm. The singer and guitarist for legendary Seattle band Mudhoney is in the process of poking a giant hole in the middle of one of my favorite anecdotes. The story has a young me, circa 1990, heading off with the Mudhoney boys after a show in…
SAVAGE LOVE
I’m a bisexual woman, age 20, and I am threesome-ing it with my best friend and her boyfriend during a stay abroad. I knew the girl (who’s mostly straight) beforehand. The girl thinks it’s hot when I participate – i.e., when it’s all three of us in bed – but she gets jealous when her…
HAPPYTOWN
How bad are things at the Orlando Sentinel these days? We’ll let an unnamed Sentinel staffer answer that one: “Apparently the depressing, winnowing months we’ve been through recently may soon be know`n` as ‘the good ol’days.’” Case in point: June 22, the day the Tribune Co.-ordered redesign of our beloved daily begins. According to a…
THIS LITTLE UNDERGROUND
With the country’s political scene all astir right now, activism is on tap everywhere. Being a mirror of culture, the music community is likewise alive with dissent, particularly musician Max Bernstein. The son of Carl Bernstein (one of the two journalists who exposed the Watergate scandal) and former frontman for pop-punk act the Actual, he…
wolf peaches.
Rest easy, tomato lovers. Florida’s love apples are safe to eat, according to Florida Agriculture and Consumer Services Commissioner no-death-wish-here Charles H. Bronson, and are not a part of the salmonella outbreak infecting are-they-a-fruit-or-a-vegetable?s in the western half of the United States. After the jump, you say to-may-to, they say to-mah-to. <@jump> FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:…
