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The Mummy

The 2017 summer blockbusters are coming, so open wide 

Wonder Woman In the trailers, Gal Gadot's Diana tells Chris Pine's Steve Trevor that she was brought to life by Zeus. He replies that this sounds "neat." Wait a minute – was that term even in use during World War I, when the movie is set? Thirty seconds of Googling reveals that the word did not attain the colloquial meaning in question until some two decades later. Yep, that's the sort of painstaking attention to detail we're dealing with here. Oh, DC Cinematic Universe; you're the DC Cinematic Universe-iest! (June 2)

The Mummy You know the world we're living in is a rotten one when they announce a Mummy reboot and the first question everybody asks is if the Brendan Fraser character will still be in it. Then again, maybe it's a good idea to put as much daylight as possible between Boris Karloff and this opening salvo in Universal's threat to construct a new shared universe for their classic horror characters. (Hey, that was the idea behind Van Helsing, remember?) I guess I can live with Tom Cruise and a female mummy, but by the time they get around to defiling Frankenstein and Dracula, I'm probably going to be taking hostages. (June 9)

All Eyez on Me Yes, the long-awaited, long-delayed Tupac biopic is finally coming out. Unless one man has something to say about it. And that man is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. (June 16)

Transformers: The Last Knight Mark Wahlberg is going to forfeit his right to shit all over The Happening if he keeps making Transformers movies – especially this new one, which represents some sort of crossover between the 'bots and medieval steampunk technology. Which, I guess, would make them just "Formers." (June 21)

Despicable Me 3 Those minions are going to be around forever, but have you noticed that the franchise that birthed them is hewing ever closer to its Eurotrash roots? Hairy guys in Speedos is a gag only a Belgian could love, and they may also be the only market on Earth that'll consider the introduction of Gru's long-lost twin brother a breathtakingly original narrative gambit. Trey Parker joins the voice cast, in a sop to our picky colonial tastes. (June 30)

Spider-Man: Homecoming Tom Holland's portrayal of Spidey in Captain America: Civil War somehow managed to feel simultaneously like a fresh new take and a more accurate representation of the character's essence than any we had seen before. Then again, that movie was essentially a purely Disney/Marvel product, whereas final creative control of Homecoming rests with Sony. And we all know what they've done. I'm still expecting this to be the best webhead picture since 2, but "finest ever" may be a plaudit that remains out of reach. Exhibit A: that dumpy homeroom sidekick. (July 7)

Dunkirk Here's where we find out if the Christopher Nolan cult will follow him into a project that promises neither bat ears nor a metaphysical story framework that's designed to be debated over endless dorm-room bong hits. Will they be satisfied instead with a World War II story that depicts the Dunkirk evacuation from three perspectives – land, sea and air – and purportedly features minimal dialogue? In a further gamble, Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy are the only members of Nolan's regular ensemble in the name cast, meaning nobody gets to argue that Dom Cobb was actually part of the plot to kill Hitler. (July 21)

The Emoji Movie Con: represents the end of civilization as we know it. Pro: features Patrick Stewart as "the voice of Poop." (July 28)

The Dark Tower Some people are actually more excited about this adaptation of Stephen King's multi-volume mythology than they are about It, which comes out just one month later. Some of us also prefer Revolver to Rubber Soul. It's a big world. (Aug. 4)

The Hitman's Bodyguard Ryan Reynolds tries to keep Samuel L. Jackson alive long enough to deliver important witness testimony. Along the way, they wreck cars, talk smack, and do everything else grown men do when they'd secretly like to blow each other. Trust me, you're getting too old for this shit. (Aug. 18)


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