If you enjoy politics and TV, you were probably a fan of Veep, Armando Ianucci's seven seasons of West Wing-proximate bickering that ended in 2019, after somehow being outdone by reality from about 2016 on. Much as Veep's writers saved all their most exquisite insults for Jonah Ryan — the feckless Hill aide who rode a Trumpish wave to the House of Representatives — there's just something about Rep. Matt Gaetz that brings out our inner Mean Girls. Below is a list of insults — some that were applied by us to Gaetz, some by Veep to the Jonad. Can you pick which are which? Find the answers at the end of this quiz.
1. An animatronic Texas preacher at the world's saddest Chuck E. Cheese
2. A large-headed physical manifestation of a 4chan thread
3. The world's biggest single-cell organism
4. A sentient enema
5. Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks
6. A very normal human being and not at all a bag of raccoons working in unison to resemble a real congressman
7. A guy with the police sketch face of a rapist
8. One of the finest and most talented people in Congress
9. A congressman propping up what remains of his human form on the House floor
10. Herman Munster's brother who liked to molest that pudgy werewolf kid
11. A plus-size homunculus
12. Florida's 1st District congressman and the state's largest boy
13. A milkshake attractor
14. One Erection
15. A racist ascot that's somehow animorphed into the shape of a congressman
16. Andre the giant jagoff
17. Three kids stacked on top of each other in a suit
18. Jolly Green jizzface
19. Looks like a possum ate a pile of crap
20. 12 Years a Slave to jerking off
21. The 60-foot virgin
22. A sitting Florida Republican congressman who apparently was elected to defend whatever Trump tweets that particular day
=====================================1. Orlando Weekly, 2. Orlando Weekly, 3. Veep, 4. Veep, 5. Veep, 6. Orlando Weekly, 7. Veep, 8. EXTRA CREDIT! Trump called Gaetz this, 9. Orlando Weekly, 10. Veep, 11. Veep, 12. Orlando Weekly, 13. Orlando Weekly, 14. Veep, 15. Orlando Weekly, 16. Veep, 17. Orlando Weekly, 18. Veep, 19. EXTRA CREDIT! Alex Jones said this about Gaetz, 20. Veep, 21. Veep, 22. Orlando Weekly.
Email us at [email protected].
Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club
Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.
Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.
Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club for as little as $5 a month.
Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.