Stapp slapped, cops called 

According to the police report, she yells, "I fucked four guys in your bed while you were gone!" She hits him with a cell phone. 911 gets called. She gets hauled away on charges of "aggravated assault with a weapon."

Baby-mama drama doesn't get much better, but this is no "Cops" outtake. No, when trailer-park violence like this is happening in a mansion, it's got to be Creed mensch Scott Stapp and his ex-wife Hilaree discussing the welfare of their son Jagger.

Here's the scene, as portrayed in the Orange County sheriff's report: It's a bit after 9 a.m. on Nov. 14 in the Stapp home (exact address redacted). Stapp's assistant, Diana Ivey, overhears an argument in the master bedroom between Stapp and his ex-wife Hilaree. (Why "The Scott & Hilaree Show" is just getting started at 9 a.m. in the master bedroom is one we haven't figured out either.) Stapp later tells police that he and Hilaree "were discussing the continuation of her detox and physcholigical `sic` exam." That "discussion" becomes an argument, especially when Hilaree adds, "She was goin `sic` to get a `sic` attorney to get custody of her son and reverse the existing order."

A little witty repartee along the lines of "You hit me" and "No I didn't" and "Bethann saw you hit me!" ensued, the police report states. (No further mention in the report as to the identify of "Bethann"). Finally, Hilaree issues the immortal "I fucked four guys in your bed while you were gone!" line. (Again, we're not sure whether "while you were gone" refers to a Creed tour or a trip to the 7-11 for a Zima.) Hilaree allegedly "punched" Scott with the cell phone, causing his face to "jerk to the right" (no, we're not making any of this up). And then Stapp had his assistant call 911. There's no indication in the report as to whether Scott yelped "Oooowiieee, stoooop!" upon being hit, although it does say that he told police that he took digital pictures of his "injuries," and that when she struck him, Hilaree "pulled back and used all of her weigh `sic` for the blow which could have caused serious injury."

Of course, Creed-boy declined medical treatment (we guess it didn't hurt that bad), but he did press charges. The officer took the cell phone into evidence and Hilaree went to jail.

All this is interesting of course, but the most curious thing about the police report is the call-and-response time. Call received: 11:06 a.m. (two hours after the melee); deputies dispatched: 11:07 a.m.; deputies arrived: 11:08 a.m. Now, when was the last time you were able to get a cop to your house in two minutes?

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