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;July 30, 3:17 A.M.: Now this is just weird: Officer Hengehold responded to the 200 block of Hughey Avenue in reference to some criminal mischief. A 50-year-old security guard was doing his rounds when he came upon a group of males walking up a ramp on property. One of them stopped and started tinkering with the gate. The guard observed a male — approximately 21 years old — start rocking the gate arm up and down until it finally broke. Just drunk and disorderly? Negative; it seems they had a plan.


; The security guard approached the perp and asked him his name. The suspect gave a name, but at that moment a black Suzuki SUV pulled up and the perp hopped in and the vehicle left the garage. The Suzuki's tag had been removed. Props for executing a decent plan to get out of paying for parking, but it was a half-bright operation for giving the security guard your name. Total estimated damage to the gate: $25.


;Aug. 1, 2:10 A.M.: Calling the police over someone stealing your drugs? Dude, are you high? Officer Albino was dispatched to the 6000 block of Greylynne Street in reference to a home invasion and a battery. The 19-year-old victim told police that three male suspects entered his unlocked bedroom door, which is accessible from the backyard. The victim recognized one of the suspects as a friend of an acquaintance.


; It appears the suspects walked into the victim's bedroom — suspect No. 1 was brandishing "a small caliber handgun" — pointed the pistol at the victim and told him, "Get on the ground," reports state. The 22-year-old witness at the scene complied, but the ;victim refused. Suspect No. 1 started beating the victim about the head and face with the pistol and suspects Nos. 2 and 3 joined in, eventually subduing the victim. Once the victim was down, the perps snagged "a quarter of an once of cannabis," "without permission," and fled the scene; the victim called 911. He was transported to Florida Hospital South for "numerous cuts and lacerations to the face and head."


; The victim believes the perps were not there just to steal his weed; he thinks they came after him because he is poised to testify in a laptop theft.


;Aug. 1, 8:47 A.M.: Officer Madden was dispatched to the 500 block of West Par Street (Dubsdread Golf Course) regarding a commercial burglary. It appears sometime between 8:35 p.m. July 31 and 6:10 a.m. Aug. 1, suspect(s) unknown stole a 33-year-old golf instructor/victim's personal set of golf clubs. The last employee who left the building insisted that "the front door was locked with a keyed deadbolt lock," reports state. At precisely 11:24 p.m. July 31, the alarm went off. Officers Williams and Costa responded, found the front door unlocked, searched the building but found no one inside, "called multiple numbers and were unable to reach anyone who could come and lock the front door," so they left the door unlocked and attached a false alarm notice.


;Officer Madden's investigation revealed that the perp(s) entered through the front door, then went to the head instructor's unlocked office and stole the $500 set of golf clubs.


; There was no damage to the establishment and all keys were accounted for, so it is suspected that "a copy could have possibly been made of the entry key," reports state. The victim was issued a victim's rights booklet; perhaps he can roll that up and smack some balls around with it.


;Aug. 1, 9:07 A.M.: Our 25-year-old victim was hanging out on his porch on the 800 block of Walnut Street with his laptop when an unknown male walked up his driveway and asked for water and directions. When the victim looked up, the perp snagged his laptop, produced a black handgun and demanded money. The victim stated that he didn't have any money. This prompted the perp to point the gun at the victim's head and say, "Let's go inside, I want everything," reports state. The victim, brave but not that bright, tried to take the gun from the perp. They struggled in the front yard, which resulted in the victim's glasses being knocked off. The perp squeezed off a round — missing the victim — then fled west down Walnut Street with the victim's $1,600 laptop in hand.


; Officer Smith was dispatched to investigate. The victim's 50-year-old neighbor told the officer he had observed a "red four-door sub-compact vehicle" at the corner of Walnut Street and Mills Avenue drop off a young male, dressed in black, while he was detailing his vehicle. Shortly after he saw the vehicle leave, he heard the gunshot.


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