Nov. 14

(2008-493324) 9:11 a.m.: Nail salons are good places to jack flat-screen TVs. This thief removed a facial machine as well. Gotta exfoliate.

(2008-493342) 9:21 a.m.: Different nail salon, same idea: Smash the front door, grab the telly. This time, the TV wouldn't budge.

(2008-493532) 11:53 a.m.: If you leave your garage door open and unattended, your bicycle may disappear.

(2008-493967) 5:11 p.m.: Suspect pulls gun. Man screams. Suspect runs. Fin.

(2008-494293) 9:01 p.m.: A pink-shirted bandit tried to five-finger-discount merch from an Albertson's. The Albertson's rent-a-cop tried to stop him, but failed.

Nov. 15

(2008-494596) 12:07 a.m.: If you happen to be a black male hanging out on the street in a not-so-nice neck of the woods with 10 of your buddies, the cops may take an interest in your goings-on. Might not be fair, but that's life. So it's probably not a good idea to reek of reefer. And it's really not a good idea to be carrying around 20 baggies full of blow.

(2008-494720) 1:44 a.m.: I've recently become enamored with the world of cigars. Not really nice cigars, mind you — I don't have that kind of cream. But not the shitty ones that the kids buy and turn into blunts, either. Somewhere in between, like the ones from the Dominican Republic that cost about $10 a smoke.

On a sort of related note, a guy tried to break into a cigar store by smashing a brick through the front window, but was only able to grab one item near the front door.

(2008-495905) 8:51 p.m.: Two guys held up a KFC. One of them had on a "long, curly wig."

Nov. 16

(2008-496522) 5:55 a.m.: The following took place at a Cumberland Farms store on Curry Ford Road: "The unknown suspect threatened the victim/clerk repeatedly. The unknown suspect then took a 12-pack of Heineken from the cooler and left."

(2008-496568) 7:48 a.m.: Like nail salons, doctors' offices are also good places to steal pimp-ass LCD TVs.

Nov. 17

(2008-497955) 9:40 a.m.: God love teenage miscreants. The little bastards are hopelessly stupid (which explains why they're miscreants, but I digress). Anyway, these two morons tried to pull the classic bait-and-switch on a guy on Brockway Avenue. One rang the doorbell obnoxiously — "approximately 20 times," Officer Walczak tells us — while the other tried to pry open a window screen on the side of the house. Eventually, the rather annoyed victim came out front and asked what the hell was going on. The kids cleverly replied that they were looking for a friend, then took off running.

(2008-497937) 9:26 a.m.: How's this for a list of items to steal: "jewelry, T-shirts, tobacco products and various hair accessories, products, and artificial hair."

(2008-498559) 6:11 p.m.: A bad guy tried to carjack a woman with a club. Fail.

Nov. 18

(2008-499262) 7:03 a.m.: This week's copper wire theft occurred at a construction trailer on Bellevue Avenue.

(2008-499610) 11:29 a.m.: This week's next copper wire theft happened at a building on West Grant Street, where our intrepid thieves climbed onto the rooftop and removed 7,000 feet of the stuff from air conditioning units that hadn't been hooked up yet.

(2008-499820) 2:14 p.m.: You ever see So I Married an Axe Murderer? This is nothing like that, except there's an ax. Good movie, though. Anyway, our ax-man broke into some guy's house and tried to force him to open the safe. The victim fought back with a kitchen knife, and the suspect fled the scene.

Nov. 19

(2008-500820) 3:40 a.m.: The cops responded to a 31-year-old gunshot victim on East Rollins Street. Turns out, the dude got capped outside city limits, so OPD punted this one to the sheriff's office.

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