Support local journalism. Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club.


;Aug. 5, 6:40 P.M.: Perhaps you read the Orlando Sentinel story Aug. 10 about the squirrel that terrorized Winter Park. Here's an incident involving squirrels that was overlooked, yet may somehow be related.


; Officer Ogburn responded to the 3900 block of South Lake Orlando Parkway in reference to "a squirrel being in a mailbox." The 57-year-old victim left his residence around 10:30 a.m. When he returned at 6:40 p.m., he saw that his mailbox was open. He walked over to check his mail, and when he peered inside nothing could have prepared him what he found there: a dead, foggy-eyed squirrel. Officer Ogburn's investigation surmised that "unknown suspect(s) placed a dead squirrel in the complainant's mailbox. It is unknown who did this."


; The victim told police that his property has been vandalized several times this past year; this instance cost an estimated $25 in damage to his mailbox.


;Aug. 11, 9:46 A.M.: Our 31-year-old victim was chilling inside his house when his neighbor notified him that an unknown person had entered his garage and removed a weed-trimmer. After verifying that his neighbor was not making things up — that he had actually sat there and watched an unknown suspect enter his neighbor's garage and steal something — the victim called police.


; Officer Ray arrived at the 600 block of South Semoran Boulevard and conducted a thorough investigation. "Unknown person(s) entered/exited the victim's residence via an open garage door. Once inside the garage, the above Weedwacker was removed. The suspect was last seen riding a bicycle eastbound on Colonial Drive," reports state.


; Just to recap: While the victim's neighbor watched, the suspect strode into the garage, snatched the $100 weed-trimmer and pedaled east with his ill-gotten gains. An area check and scene processing both proved to be inconclusive.


;Aug. 12, 8:41 A.M.: Officer Jenarine met with our 41-year-old victim on the 600 block of South Semoran Boulevard in reference to an armed robbery that had occurred at the Shell Gas Station on the 800 block of South Semoran Boulevard moments earlier. The victim said he was approached by two suspects described as Hispanic males in their early 20s, one wearing a red shirt with blue jeans and the other wearing a white shirt with blue jeans. Both had on baseball caps and sunglasses.


; The perps both pulled out handguns and took the victim's cash and his $100 "prescription bottle of Xanax." Then the suspects piled into a small red four-door vehicle and fled the scene. An area check met with negative results.


; If they're pulling a gun for your Xanax, they obviously need as badly as you do, but we mourn the loss of your $200 in cash, sir.


;Aug. 12, 1:39 P.M.: Our 53-year-old victim was walking to his vehicle at the rear of an apartment complex on the 5600 block of South Kirkman Road when someone suddenly appeared from the woods at the back gate. The suspect brandished what appeared to be a .45 automatic pistol and put it to the victim's neck. The man then stated, "Give me all your money," according to reports. The suspect was described as a black male in his early 20s, approximately 5 feet, 10 inches tall, with gold teeth and short hair.


; The victim, displaying the antinomy of courage and foolhardiness typical in instances such as these, smacked the gun away with his left arm and socked the perp with a right. The suspect fled toward the woods and the opening in the fence from which he em‰rged, jumped on his getaway vehicle Ñ a "small blue bicycle" — and was last seen pedaling northbound toward Pine Shadows Condominiums.


;Aug. 13, 12:59 A.M.: Officer Quinones visited a 17-year-old victim in the hospital in reference to a shooting. The victim relayed that while he was in the area of Westgate Drive and Raleigh Street he was approached by three Hispanic males in an unknown white vehicle, reports state. The suspects accused the victim of being a member of the Crips gang; the victim argued that he was not a member.


; At this point, one of the suspects pulled out a handgun and aimed it at the victim: "[The victim] stated he thought the chrome handgun was a fake and told the suspect, ‘Man, get that fake gun out of my fuckin' face.' Immediately the suspect fired one shot at [the victim] causing the bullet to strike his left index finger," reports state. The suspects fled the scene; the victim walked home to tell his family what happened and his brother took him to the hospital.


; Hospital personnel considered the victim's injury minor — an open fracture to his left index finger — but his pride is probably in critical condition. It should be noted: "[The victim] stated he did not want to press charges and signed a Declination to Prosecute." Lesson learned: Ask to inspect the magazine before telling people to get "fake gun[s] out of [your] fuckin' face."


We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Orlando Weekly. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Orlando Weekly, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Orlando Weekly Press Club for as little as $5 a month.

Latest in Police Beat

More by Issac Stolzenbach


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Read the Digital Print Issue

December 1, 2021

View more issues


© 2021 Orlando Weekly

Website powered by Foundation