click to enlarge Chappaquiddick


Opening this week: Chappaquiddick, Blockers, and more 


Blockers A group of killjoy parents try to prevent their daughters from losing their virginity on prom night. Silly old fogies: Don't they understand that making physical intimacy an arbitrary personal milestone is the only way to get empowered? (R)

Chappaquiddick In its never-ending quest for "fairness," so-called liberal Hollywood bails out (sorry!) the perpetually disgraced GOP by going back to the well (sorry again!) of one Democrat's tragic attempt to remake Run Silent, Run Deep with an Oldsmobile. Co-starring Bruce Dern as Joe Kennedy Senior, because yes, you've lived that long. (PG-13)

Foxtrot Director Samuel Maoz's controversial drama about the killing of four innocent Arabs by the Israeli Defense Forces was supposed to open in Orlando last Friday, but its local release was pushed back a week. Gee, how could any distributor exhibit less than 100 percent commitment to a movie that the Israeli minister of culture accused of furthering "the incitement of the young generation against the most moral army in the world"? If Foxtrot doesn't open here this weekend either, we might have found a few more questions for Netanyahu's deposition. (R)

The Miracle Season In this Christian drama that's based on a true story, Helen Hunt plays a volleyball coach who has to keep her players centered after one of their teammates dies in a moped accident. Forgive me, Jesus, but that was one funny-ass sentence. (PG)

A Quiet Place John Krasinski directs himself and wife Emily Blunt in the story of a family that tries to evade supernatural attackers by resolving to "never make a sound." Or, in the words of the teenager who was sitting next to me the first time I saw the trailer, to "shut the fuck up." I loved that kid. (PG-13)

You Were Never Really Here Joaquin Phoenix's performance as a hitman who's out to rescue a teenager from a human-trafficking operation won him the Best Actor award at Cannes – and the movie wasn't even finished yet! ("Oh yeah, and I'm the asshole," says Justice League.) In case you missed it, Phoenix has now appeared in movies titled You Were Never Really Here and I'm Still Here. So if you move in with this guy, make sure you get your name on the lease. (R)

Also playing:

Birthmarked Married scientists try to disprove the importance of heredity by raising their kids in a way that's at utter odds with their genetics. "Ostensibly a comedy," offers Variety helpfully. (NR)

Goldstone Last seen in Mystery Road (though maybe not by you), indigenous Australian gumshoe Jay Swan returns to search for a missing Chinese woman. But it's too late, because Joaquin Phoenix already found her working as a sex slave. On prom night! (R)

The Last Movie Star A past-his-prime screen idol (Burt Reynolds) has to come to terms with reality when he's invited to receive an award at a minor-league Film Festival. This would be a really, really lousy place to mention that our Florida Film Festival coverage begins on page 30. (R)

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